Should I risk it for a married ex?

Question

I was with a woman for four years, we were in love, incredibly happy, things were great. Like an idiot, really I just got comfortable and all, I never married her. She said many different times that she wanted to be married and I am so upset with myself bcs. I I broke promises with her to do it varioius times. I never cheated, just didnt do it. After 4 years she broke up with me and told me she didnt trust me anymore and didnt want to waste her life waiting "for a guy who cant' commit." She moved out to the West coast (i live in Boston) and reconnected with some ex and got married 6 months later. She is now married for one year and she called me recently and told me she is not that happy, that she prob made a bad decision and that she still loves me. I told her to divorce,but she said she couldnt "risk it" bcs. she doesnt think I would commit to her. She said I could move to her city, but that there are no guarantees of anything....I love her too much, but I am so sad and confused

Answer 1

if she loves u she will come to u. even if u go there and give up everything she is telling u there are no guarantees, so wait on her to get a divorce, don't be the reason she gets the divorce, if she gets a divorce let it be for the right reasons. if she isn't happy than let her be the one to make the changes.

Answer 2

If this is something you really want, you would probably have to make a commitment to her before she would e willing to make a commitment in return. That could be moving out there or simply asking her to marry you (how creepy is that asking another married woman to marry you).

However, you should keep in mind exactly WHAT it is she is doing. She clearly just NEEDS to be married, she took the first idiot that happened by and could push down the isle and now she is regretting it. You need to be careful that she just wants to make sure she doesn't fall "somewhere" while getting out of the current marriage.

You might be more about being a safety hatch to help her get out of the marriage than really someone she wants to be with forever.

But this is about the heart, so trust your heart and take whatever risk you feel comfortable with. Just dont let her cheat on her husband with you, she will never look at you the same way if you do. Be there for her, do whatever else you feel comfortable with to risk yourself for her, but don't turn it into some cheating sex.

Answer 3

What is life without risk? What do you want in life? A great job, great house, great car? No those things are nice but they are not the answer to LIFE. The answer is someone to share these things with. Sometimes we never get that second chance. She called you bc she can't stop thinking of you. YOu are all she wants. YOu are on her mind all the time. Take time off work. Do it. Go and see her. Tell her you are coming so she can take time off. Or go and meet somewhere like Mexico. Don't miss this excitting opportunity. Sounds like she is well worth it. Good Luck and be happy. THis is a great thing.

Answer 4

I wouldn't move out there and change my life for a "maybe if you convince me you love me I'll get a divorce". More than likely, she's having a hard time right now and looking back on times with you as fond memories and what might have been--but in another month she and her husband will be happy again. If you move out there while she is still married, you'll just get drug into a nasty affair that will make you even more miserable. Tell her that it's up to her to decide if she wants to leave her marriage or not, tell her that you really do care about her, and that you'll welcome her back to Boston with open arms. But, whatever you do, don't uproot your life and move out there. Good luck!

Answer 5

Obviously, both of you are upset and confused right now. If she wants a divorce, then she should get one. But only if its for herself. She shouldn't run from relationship to relationship, which it seems like she is already doing that. Marriage is no guarantee for happiness (as she is proving to you right now) so what makes you (or her) think that a marriage between you two will work?

Let her get a divorce, and after that (and ONLY after her divorce is final) should you two start dating again, if the desire is there. But I have a feeling this will be a never ending battle with her. I would just cut my loses and move on.

Answer 6

Sorry, dude, she wants to have the best of both worlds. Holding on to her marriage and try and see if she can get a proposal out of you. This is what will happen, if you move over there, and propose to her with a ring, she will divorce her husband. If not, she will stay with her husband. But it does not work like that. Marriage does not come with a 30-day money back guarantee. Can you trust her after what she has done?

Answer 7

You should tell her that if she wants to end her marriage, that it should have nothing to do with you. If she wants to leave, and then if you two want to reconnect after she leaves that's ok. Just dont be the cause of someones marriage ending. Your ex may not want to get married again anyway. But, if she does, are you going to marry her???? Marriage is not easy and she may just be going through a rough patch with her husband, things could get better. On the other had if she leaves her husband, gets back with you and you still wont get married, then she gave up her marriage for what????? Give her space and time and let her make up her mind without your influence..........

Answer 8

Kind of romantic, actually. I think you should move out there and see what happens. It seems like you really like her, and she married some guy out of haste because she was trying to get over you. Whatever the case, make sure she doesn't have kids with this guy. Good luck. Get that plane ticket. LA is better than Boston right now anyway. Else, you'll end up old and alone.

Answer 9

If you don't, you will never know. But what's up with her and being married??? I get the fact that she wanted to marry you but marrying some other guy in 6 months? I am pretty sure that she made a mistake.

And life gave you another chance but are you wise enough not to make the same mistake twice? That's for you to decide whether giving up on her was trully a mistake.

Answer 10

sounds like she wants to be with you too. but is afraid its not going to go any where. where as right now at least she is married and has something for sure. I think if you want to really be with her then you are going to have to show her that it will go some where if she would just let you love her. If you think you would marry her now then you should tell her... but whatever you do , do not tell her anything un true. I wish you the best of luck sounds like both your happiness is riding on your actions