was this totally wrong?

Question

I met this guy out of town, we had a great connection, talked for awhile....then we kissed. I really liked him alot. Later his friend told me that he was married. I was furious and I wanted revenge, but did not have the slightest idea of how to get in touch with his wife. So I decided to keep talking to him, I listened when he told me how horrible his marriage was and I tried to give him advice, I did not mess around with him anymore but I talked to him on the phone alot. Just as I suspected, his wife found the phone bill and is pissed at him. Now I feel guilty. I have been cheated on in the past and the fact that he tried to play me and make a cheater out of me really pissed me off, so I figured that his infidelity should be made a little more obvious. Once he was caught I stopped speaking to him. I felt so badly about kissing him, and I thought that if he was not caught with me he would just do it again....

Well I just want to clarify that I did NOT touch him anymore after I found out. And yes, I know how horrible it feels to be cheated on, but if I had severed all contact he would not have been caught and would have done it to someone else. He hurt me terribly by not telling me the truth, and if I hadn't "assisted" his wife in finding out, he would have just done this to some other girl. Who knows how many girls he has done this to already. I know it was wrong to keep talking to him, and the fact that it was fueled by my anger and need for vindication doesnt make it any better. But my ex-husband cheated on me with 5 girls, if the first had told me or made it more obvious I would have left him 2 years earlier than I did.

I agree, it was childish behavior. I should have just ran, and fast. I knew him for 3 weeks before he kissed me, and words cannot describe how angry I was. I feel very badly that I kept talking to him. Thank You for your answers....I will try to work on my insecurities.
Thanks Again

Answer 1

we all make mistakes...next time you'll know better,

Answer 2

I dont think you should feel bad about kissing him, because, at the time it sounds like you didnt even know he was married. You just connected with him, and kissed him. Now, the part that I do think you were wrong is when you continued to communicate with a married man, behind his wifes back. Of course this all depends on the subject matter of the convo. But nevertheless, you became an emotional friend to this guy for however long it went on, behind his wifes back. Hopefully he didnt lie to you and tell you he was gonna get separated, just to keep you around. Hope this helps! :)

Answer 3

You weren't wrong when you kissed him because you didn't know. So if his wife were too find out, she would not of been upset with you.

But since later you knew he was married, then yes you were very wrong. If a guy doesn't invite you to his home. Or doesn't give you his home # and only calls or lets you call him at certain times then he is probably married. For future reference.
Oh yeah & when they say they're getting divorced, just wait till it is final because plenty of guys just say that.......then 5 yrs later your inlove & still waiting for the dam divorce.
Be very careful. If you meet a man through cheating then what makes you think he wont do that to you.

Hope you find your true love.

Answer 4

If I understand your situation correctly, you deliberately spoke with him on the phone just to get him caught by his wife. If not, I apologize for misunderstanding. If I'm right in my assumption -- Caught or no, he'll probably work it out with his wife and do it again. For all you know his wife knows about his extramarital interests and either denies them to herself or doesn't want to leave the marriage in spite of them. And if she didn't know about them, you've just turned her world upside down -- not exactly "justice" for her, was it? You haven't hurt him -- he'll figure a way around the problem. Who you have hurt is the wife; an innocent bystander. And all because of just one kiss, not a date, not a lifetime of lies, a simple kiss.

Also, now that she has your number, you've opened yourself up to harassment by the wife (depending on what type of person she is) as well as retaliation from the guy. A better option would've been to simply not date him or see him again rather than dispensing "justice."

**ADD**
In response to your added comments -- He hurt you terribly?? Oh give me a break. You met the guy one night, you kissed him once, and that hurt you so terribly you needed revenge? You didn't date him, you didn't spend significant time with him. Just how badly could that one kiss have hurt? I understand the pain you have from your ex-husband, but good grief -- if you continue to take it out on every married man who's ever going to hit on you in a bar, you're going to be one very busy woman.

Answer 5

Here's my advice. You didn't know he was married when you kissed him so I would write that off and let it go; however, you did keep speaking to him after you knew he was married under the pretense of “getting him back.” However, I am not sure I buy that. Ask yourself what is it inside of you (what thought patterns you have) that lead you to keep talking to a man that you knew was married. Is it that you feel unworthy of having a man of your own to put you first or something else? Once you discover what lead you in this direction, make a plan to think differently so you don’t get into this position again. Also, don’t bother to criticize yourself. What’s done is done. Just make steps not to do it again. You deserve a man of your own and not to play 2nd fiddle.

Answer 6

I fell like saying ya ya ya ayaya, childish behavior, who cheated on who? he tried to ply you, and you were eagerly plying, upsetting an innocent person is never right, and his wife was the innocent in this childish behavior, your and his, you feel guilty so you should, in the future get to know a person for longer than an hour, before you take occupation, make sure the apartment is empty

Answer 7

it is particularly incorrect. A six three hundred and sixty 5 days old toddler isn't arranged to preserve themselves. you incredibly ought to have a communication with your female pal and inspire her to communicate to her sister. she will't make her do something yet she will tell her that if everybody else have been to be sure, toddler amenities ought to take her toddler from her. If a neighbor observed that she replaced into abode alongside at that age, they might call the police and her sister ought to lose her and be charged with toddler endangerment. that may not basically a rely of opinion. it is the regulation and has to do with the wellbeing of a man or woman. you incredibly ought to declare some thing.

Answer 8

Hmm .. Does the wife know you kissed him? I think you did the right thing when you were aware he was married you stopped messing with him! However, I think you should have stopped talking to him also just because of how things played out... ya know but dont be hard on yourself you didnt cheat on anyone.

Answer 9

The right thing to do would have been to cut off all contact with the guy as soon as you knew what he was about and just move on with your life. But I don't think you can be blamed for what you did do. You didn't know he was married when you kissed him, his wife knows what happened now, so I think you're best off just moving on and forgetting it. Good luck!

Answer 10

Way to make sure the wife got hurt!

You would have been more effective to tell him what a jerk he is....but playing this kind of game.....just wrong!

You were wrong and so was he. I think you are more wrong because you carried on a "relationship" (even if you were only talking) knowing he was married.

I am sure the wife would feel better about you knowing that.....yeah right!

Answer 11

Hmm...I dont think u should have continued talking on phone with him after finding out he was married. Esp. knowing how it is to be cheated on. Would you have found this to be acceptable if you were her? I dont think so. Treat situations like this just as you would want to be treated or thought of. Its the safest way to know if you are right or wrong. Your gutt prob was telling you this isnt right wasnt it? I believe you already know the answer to this question...you just needed to hear it from someone else. :-)