My husband and I have been married for only 3 months. He has had a drinking problem that he contained until after we got married. Soon after he drank and has a temper. Then one day out of the blue he told me he was bored and moved out. A week later he says he has made the biggest mistake of his life and wants to come back. I tell him we will see how it goes. A week after that I find out that 6 months before we were married he slept with his ex, the mother of his child, who he has never had a relationship with. Then we start to sort things out after that and I find out that he has asked a girl he met in th bar to his upcoming christmas party. I love him and I want to make it work. How do I trust him ever again? Do you think he really wants to come back? What would you do if you were me?
2007-11-30 06:16:00 · 19 answers · asked by nickii3049578 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You have no children together that's the good thing. No one can tell you to leave or stay you have to do what's in your heart. There are times that on the outside looking in people can say "leave and divorce", but you have to live through it. Only you can say when you've had enough, when you have no more fight left in you. Think about this those who tell you to leave they're fall into 2 categories 1. They're single 2. They have someone at home and while you're home alone they have a companion there to talk to. Think about it!!!! God Bless.
2007-11-30 06:35:21 · answer #1 · answered by madeam3 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would annull the marriage and move on. This man is abusive with alcohol and his words. He lies to you and acts like a single man. Therefore he don't take you or the marriage seriously. These are some serious problems for such a young marriage and it don't seem as if he's willing to work on it. You both must be willing to work on the relationship. As far as trusting him, he must earn this. And really he's done nothing but kill his credibility. I personally don't see this man changing. I only see you changing. You doing whatever necessary to make it work. You giving in because you want it to work. You losing yourself because of his abuse. It will be all you. But by then the pain will be much stronger. You will lose precious time in which you could have been happy. You will turn your anger towards yourself through regret. You'll eventually give up and become numb to it all. Settling for unhappiness. Don't do it to yourself. Stop the hurt and pain now before it becomes much more. This is what I would do. Good Luck & God Bless!
2007-11-30 14:35:40 · answer #2 · answered by zerotimeforfun 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to realize that we all make mistakes and marrying this man was yours! You love what you saw in him - the man without the drinking problem - but then he showed you that he has a drinking problem, a problem with committing himself to one person, and possible a STD of some nature as well if he has been this way for some time. I wonder if the fact that you didn't see these things before means that you were not engaged long enough to see these problems and you need a good dose of self esteem. I will give you a good site to look at as far as self esteem and divorce as well. Don't take this guy back because you won't have to look far at all to find someone better for you than this.
2007-11-30 14:28:51 · answer #3 · answered by Al B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly... if I were you... I would leave him. He just doesn't sound very stable right now. Not to say he's crazy, but he just doesn't seem like he's ready AND willing to be in a monogamous relationship. He cheated on you before you got married (which would be a BIG deal-breaker for me.. I learned my lesson the hard way on that one), moves out because he's "bored," and then asks a random someone who isn't his wife to attend a Christmas party with him. This just doesn't sound like he's committed to you, and I think you'd be much better off, and not to mention happier, if you found someone who was. I know you love him now, but with time that will fade and you will find a new person to love who will love you the way you deserve.
2007-11-30 14:23:02 · answer #4 · answered by ♬♥YouBetcha♥♬ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hoo-boy.
You know, life is way too short to start out a new marriage this way. If it's this bad ALL READY, what will it be 6 months from now????
This man has multiple problems..and even tho you love him now, his ways will soon kill what love and any respect you may now have for him. Trust me...you'll end up hating him.
He is not to be trusted...he's left you once and is probably cheating? Naw...you can do better with your life.
I'd move on, even tho it's only been 3 months. You're in for a lifetime of heartache if you stick around for this dog & pony show.
Good luck...I wish you well.
2007-11-30 14:27:32 · answer #5 · answered by Barbi T 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would leave his sorry *** until he is ready to be mature and respect you. You are allowing him to walk all over you because you let him come back so fast instead of working it out by going to counceling or letting him make a change before he is allowed back in. Do not be a door mat.
2007-11-30 14:21:37 · answer #6 · answered by luvlisteningtomusic 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think hes doing what he wants to do. do you want to be married to a man who will continue to let you find out hes cheated again? you can either put up with it or be true to yourself and find happiness elsewhere. you got a long road ahead of you that will no doubt be filled with lots of heartaches. is he more important or are you?
2007-11-30 14:24:08 · answer #7 · answered by jstagirl1969 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would tell him to grow up and when he finds out what and who he really wants in his life....look you up....if youre available..maybe youll give him the time of day. right now hes definately not in love with you or he wouldnt be doing what he is clearly. hes obviously needy and getting whatever..wherever he can
2007-11-30 14:25:53 · answer #8 · answered by jslorri 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't tolerate cheating in any form, for any reason, so I would show him the door! This man is an absolute mess all the way around.
2007-11-30 14:20:31 · answer #9 · answered by Marina 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
run from him as fast as you can, unless you want to live a turbulent, abused life...
he's an alcoholic, and has anger issues to boot... PLEASE take are of YOU!!!
you can love him, but that's not going to change anything... lots of women hang in there because they think their spouse will change for them.. this isn't true.
please try alanon, too.... you will get a lot of good support and answers there. in fact, you will see a lot of people who are living the same life as you.
hugs
2007-11-30 14:20:46 · answer #10 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋