My ex and I are finalizing our divorce in jan( We have to have a trial since we can not agree on any custody arrangements). he is verbally and physically abusive and has been over the course of our relationship. (He now has a warrant out for his arrest for breaking my finger in march)
Yet when he filed for divorce he flipped the script and told everyone I was the abusive one and was crazy and that I had threatened to harm our son. (in fact he choked me when I was pregnant with our son, twice. And never helped me with him when he was born) I didn't have a lawyer at that time & no one would listen to me. He has custody of our son and uses him against me all the time. he'll be late or just not show up for my visits. He also doesn't take very good care of my son and he will neglect him. (not taking him to the doctor, bathing him, putting him in clean clothes, or changing his diaper)
I have documentation of the abuse and neglect. I also have a lawyer. Advice on how to deal w him?
2007-11-30 06:07:57 · 11 answers · asked by Rei-Rei 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The violence is documented in police reports. He would bully me out of reporting stuff. Any one who has been in an abusive relationship would understand that. He refuses to leave voicemails and is not dumb enough to rant and rave on there.
2007-11-30 06:21:50 · update #1
he was abusive to his ex girlfriend as well and she is going to testify. I have no idea how he ended up with my son. I think it had to do w that I didn';t have a lawyer and he did, so he beat me to the bunch. We both got psych evals and his was done by a friend of his lawyer's a came out clean! Erg!
2007-11-30 06:25:29 · update #2
Is there something you're leaving out of this story? How on Earth did he end up with custody of your son?
It's definitely good that you have documentation because that will help an extreme amount, as will the lawyer. The best thing you can do now is to not have contact with your ex unless it's in reference to the kids or the divorce. When you do talk to him, do your best not to lose your temper and be careful of what you say to him. Also, document EVERY time you have contact with him. Write down the time, date, and what was said or what happened. In a court proceeding, many times it's your word against his, and if you provide documentation to that amount, the judge will be more likely to believe you.
Also... I would go over to the childcustody.org forums and ask them on there for advice. They're really good about giving advice on how to handle these situations.
Good luck!
2007-11-30 06:15:59 · answer #1 · answered by ♬♥YouBetcha♥♬ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have visitation, he can't keep him from you. Call the police, and he legally has to abide by the court order and give him to you. If you have a lawyer now, file for custody. Let him know that this stuff isn't going to fly with you until then. Documentation is the key to this kind of stuff. Write a journal of every time that he neglects your son. Present this in court. His word is nothing if he doesn't have proof of any wrong doing by you. You obviously have at least some proof. I know that this is going to be hard. Get everything in order and pray a lot until your court date. I am so sorry to hear about this. I have suffered abuse myself, and when my ex found out that I had all of my ducks in a row, and he couldn't get to me anymore, he took off and I haven't heard from him for 4 yrs now.
2007-11-30 14:31:07 · answer #2 · answered by StephiPets 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
give all of the documentation of abuse and neglect to your attorney and don't deal with him at all. He can say all he wants but the fact that you have the documents and he has the arrest warrant speak volumes. Between now and then, continue to document all the times that he has not shown up for the visitation, when he has on dirty clothes or dirty diaper and so on. If he was married before and was like this to a previous wife she may be glad to tell the court what he is like. Good Luck to you!!
2007-11-30 14:21:37 · answer #3 · answered by Al B 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your lawyer should be the one to advise you. I would document everything from the condition the child is in. How late he is for the meeting, or if he even shows up. Also get all your medical records together next time and the arrest warrent. You need to record everything he does. It may even be good to record your conversations when he drops your child off if he is causing a scene there too.
Document
Document
Document!
2007-11-30 14:16:11 · answer #4 · answered by Sandra R 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I cant understand how it is possible that he has custody of Ur kid.
Talk with social service...and tell them to send people around his house just for a routine visit, if he does not take good care of Ur kid..that should help, cause these people will report that.
No matter what never give up on Ur kid. Good luck
2007-11-30 14:14:08 · answer #5 · answered by shinersd 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
my best advise is to NOT deal with him... that's what youhired your attorney to do. He is a horrible excuse for a human being and his presence doesn't have to bring you down. Tell him if he has something to tell you he needs to discuss it with your lawyer, there is nothing further that needs to be talked about with him. Do yourself a favor and protect your child and yourself from him, don't have anything to do with him. Don't talk to him, but save every single E-mail, voicemail, text message anything you can use as evidence in court. Give anything you think would be pertinant to your attorney and let him handle him.
2007-11-30 14:12:53 · answer #6 · answered by Sugar 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You don't have to "deal with" him... find a good family law attorney for yourself. Also, ask your attorney to request your husband pay all of your attorney fees.
You have been through quite a lot... if you have witnesses (family, friends, or anyone) to his abuse, talk with them about testifying.
Men like him are cowards...
I'm really sorry he's not taking proper care of the child.. I'd also request a psychological evaluation of him because they tell ALL about a person.. You may have to take one too, but you don't sound crazy, he does!!
hugs
2007-11-30 14:18:19 · answer #7 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you should have reported everything, when it hapened. You can bring everything to light but it wont be looked at as if it were documented by the police department. Dont talkl to him let him leave you voicemails
2007-11-30 14:12:35 · answer #8 · answered by theredapple 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
sorry to tell you. i had same thing happen to me in court and mine had a criminal record and his rich family bought the court and he won custody of my 4. There is NO justice in the court system. Contact a womans rights group and get a group of crazy woman that hate men on your side.
2007-11-30 14:13:32 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
let the lawyers and judges work out a civil plan at the trial. you 2 cant seem to do it on your own.
2007-11-30 14:12:09 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋