Test time... hope everyone studied!?

Question

1. (3 Doors Down + Matchbox 20) - blink-182 = ?

2. A Sears Craftsman 9-21234 10" Compound Miter Saw is __________ Tommy Lee.
a) a bigger tool than
b) less of a tool than
c) an equal tool to

3. If Lenny Kravitz, Gene Simmons, Darius Rucker, and Joey Jordison were stranded on an ice covered mountain in the Andes, what order would they be eaten in, and who would be the only survivor? Give details to explain your answer.

4. Which question secretly holds the key to the location of the Holy Grail?
a) Do you really want to hurt me?
b) When you close your eyes, do you dream, dream about me?
c) How will I laugh tomorrow when I can't even smile today?
d) Is there something I should know?
e) How do you talk to an angel?

5. Mamma's, should you let your babies grow up to be cowboys?

6. If you were puttin' on the ritz while you were blinded by science, could you still be a better songwriter than Chad Kroeger?

Glad I could be of service Prof.

Damnit Prof. I had forgotten the damn song. I was just cruising a "one hit wonders" site to find another question song. Now it's going to be stuck in MY head.

Bowzer.... my sides are killing me... I have tears.... that's pure comic gold right there.

Answer 1

Damn, my IQ is going to improve all the way up to "mildly retarded" at this rate! And so my edumacashun continues...*gulp*...well, OK, here goes:


1. (3 Doors Down + Matchbox 20) - blink182 = ?

A: I will invoke advanced calculus to save my ***, and add together the grand sum of these acts' musical talent, thusly:

(zero + nothing much) - nope, nothing here, folks = 0.

What? There's no such word as "thusly"??? Ah, everyone's a critic...


2. A Sears Craftsman 9-21234 10" Compound Miter Saw is __________ Tommy Lee.
a) a bigger tool than
b) less of a tool than
c) an equal tool to
d) smart enough not to have inserted itself into Pam Anderson, unlike


3. If Lenny Kravitz, Gene Simmons, Darius Rucker, and Joey Jordison were stranded on an ice covered mountain in the Andes, what order would they be eaten in, and who would be the only survivor? Give details to explain your answer.

A: Phew, FINALLY - the long-overdue question about cannibalism! I've been giving my lunch money to Sookie every day at school for the past year in exchange for "inside information" on these tests, and it's finally come through. (Sure, my weight has dropped by 138 pounds and I can use my ribs as a xylophone, but it was worth it.)

The answer is: Lenny Kravitz.

Here's what happened.

DAY 1: The four rock stars experience mild hunger pangs. Half-hearted efforts to find a McDonald's in the vicinity.

DAY 5: Rabid, salivating ravenousness takes over. Pact between Rucker and Jordison to suffocate Simmons while he's sleeping, then eat him. Plan carried out. Argument over who gets the tongue (the choicest portion of Mr Simmons). Fight breaks out. Jordison impales Rucker on his drumsticks in a way that even an experienced proctologist would be unable to undo. Rucker dies. Jordison eats both corpses. Kravitz returns to camp and says: "You know something? I don't think there IS a McDonald's up here...and...ummmm...where are Gene and Darius, anyway?"

DAY 6: Uneventful. Occasional burping from Jordison.

DAY 11: Joey's hungry again. Decides to take a bite out of Kravitz, but chokes on one of Lenny's many piercings, and dies. Kravitz looks down greedily at Jordison's dead body, but then thinks: "I'm not going to put a drummer in my mouth, that's Pam Anderson's job."


4. Which question secretly holds the key to the location of the Holy Grail?
a) Do you really want to hurt me?
b) When you close your eyes, do you dream, dream about me?
c) How will I laugh tomorrow when I can't even smile today?
d) Is there something I should know?
e) How do you talk to an angel?
f) What's the frequency, Kenneth?


5. Mamma's, should you let your babies grow up to be cowboys?

A: *dog puts paw in air* Excuse me, Teacher, didn't we just cover Brokeback Mountain on the last test?


6. If you were puttin' on the ritz while you were blinded by science, could you still be a better songwriter than Chad Kroeger?

A: If my wango was tangoed, and my einstein a-go-go got up and a-went-went, and I was squeezed till my lemon dripped its juice down my leg, and if it wasn't for bad luck I wouldn't have no luck at all...

...I would still be a better songwriter than Chad Kroeger.






EDIT: Sookie, don't worry. I've started a beef between the Boxing guys and the most dangerous psychos on this site...Religion & Spirituality. Those boxers are toast.

Answer 2

1. 311
2. B. (duh!)
3. Darius Rucker, Lenny Kravitz, then Joey Jordison, with Gene as sole survivor. I just don't think you can mess with Gene.
4. A. This song is WAY too close to the Crying Game, and well.....
5. Why not? It's more interesting than being doctors and lawyers & such.
6. Of course! A monkey with a typewriter would be a better songwriter than Chad Kroeger.

*****
Bowzer: you might just be my new personal hero. I am in tears over here, laughing.

Answer 3

I love these.

1. the apocalypse
2. Of course it's "B"
3. I think Joey Jordison would go first, as he is the youngest and an easy target for the other three to gang up on. This would happen quickly as they would all know the score. Not long after the scuffle Lenny Kravitz would die from withdrawals. Then in a starving deatmatch it would be shown that Gene Simmons is just more resourceful than Hootie. (i wanted to be funny, but I think it's been too long of a week)

4. e. At least it holds the formula to catching a falling star (I just threw up in my mouth a little)

5. No, in fact you should encourage your babies to be slackers and backpackers.

6. Oh god yes. SCIENCE!

*******************
1. SUM 41, great answer. Great call Dave.

*********************
Thanks a lot man, you got the Heights song stuck in my head. It's going to take at least a week to get rid of it.
bei de bei, is there any weaker line/delivery of a line than when he drops "how do you hold her close to where you, are"

*******************
Sorry man, I didn't mean to spread the disease. What will usually work for me... I'm trying it right now... try to get the harmonica line from Love Me Do in your head. Should hopefully knock it out.

Answer 4

1) (3 Doors Down + Matchbox 20) - blink-182 = 1000 Homo DJ's!

2) B. By a landslide.

3) Gene would go first. I have a feeling he would start hitting on everyone else due to his sex drive and nobody would be taking that.

4) A

5) Trick questions. There's no real cowboys left except for small populations in Montana and Wyoming.

6) Good God, I sure hope so.

I agree with Prof., these questions make the day worth living!

Answer 5

1. The square root of Haircut 100 over the quantity of Three Days Grace + Sum 41 squared.

2. It can only be B. I don't like Kid Rock's music but it would have nice to see him pound Tommy Lee into submission and give him a taste of what it feels like.

3. Gene Simmons would be the last man standing. He would be able to go into isolation and self nourish himself with his ego. Plus, none of the other three would want to eat his half dead flesh.

4. E. Once you realize how to talk to the angel, she can clue you in on all the secrets.

5. Maybe, just so that I never have to hear that stupid Paula Cole song ever again. How bout them Cowboys?!?

6. I'll leave Taco out of the explanation since that was a cover song during the 80's. Thomas Dolby was bloody brilliant as was his entire family who are credited for inventing Dolby noise reduction. That's one lopsided comparison. However, I'm sure I could come up with something on a deeper level than "I like the white stains on your dress. I love the way you pass the check."

Answer 6

I am becoming a member of the Church proper now, however my mother and father may not enable me the baptism until I am 18. But, earlier than I was once Mormon I was once raised within the Unification Church and jumped for the duration of Christianity (Jehovah Witnesses, Evangelicals ((Pentecostals, Baptists, Charismatics)), Catholic, Messianic Judaism) and via Unitarianism, conservative Judaism or even Islam. But I continuously adored the LDS Church. Wasn't a member, although and not ever gave it a hazard. Instead I learn anti-Mormon propaganda and stuffed myself with explanations NOT to become a member of. But I nonetheless adored Mormons. And plenty of matters occurred in my existence pointed me to the Church, and it is made essentially the most feel and has moved my center very deeply. I've come to a higher knowledge of Jesus Christ and my the Light of Christ inside me has grown more potent. Though you can also desire to preserve your "sexual pastime", you can also detect in your non secular travel that it's flawed and God will lead you out of it if you're inclined. Sex is not quite a "want". Or masturbation. Plus, I'm certain in Heaven we will get all of the intercourse we desire. Anyway, simply begin studying the Book of Mormon and do not quit. At occasions it's going to appear a bit uninteresting, however push your self to learn a minimum of a bankruptcy an afternoon. And attempt to appreciate and ask the Spirit for steerage. Any questions, electronic mail me or some thing.

Answer 7

1. 10,000 Maniacs.
2. B.
3. Joey first (I have no idea who that is), then Gene, and then Darius. If I had to repopulate the mountain, it would be with Lenny.
4. B. (LOL)
5. Cowboys are hot, so yes please!
6. My Mom's beagle is a better songwriter.

Edit: Bowzer - the Boxing section is beating me up in study hall and taking all of our lunch money. :(

I'm glad you're on my side, Bowzer. :)

Answer 8

(1) Sum 41
(2) B
(3) Gene Simmons and he would use Lenny Kravitzs legs as chopsticks
(4) D
(5) Cowboys dont live in trailer parks
(6) Yes- And it would play on a Mexican Radio

Answer 9

On a friday ...........aww man

1. Sum 41
2. b)
3. Too much effort for a friday but I got a feeling Gene Simmons would survive an hour without getting his *** pampered
4. c)
5. broke back comes to mind
6. it wouldn't be to hard

Answer 10

sorry..i didnt study...i'll just have to take the zero!