Thoughts Please
AUBREY
Hey there, shy girl,
I used to be you.
Afraid to dance in public,
afraid to tie my name
to anything.
I know all too well
the fear that's in your eyes.
It's a look that scars forever.
How do you keep that mask of joy
when inside you are enslaved?
Why do you cling to me
whenever we embrace?
Hey there, shy girl,
there's a secret you're not telling.
Are you hurting again?
You told me once you cut yourself
and showed me the marks.
Was he worth it?
I would never hurt you.
I would promise you the world,
give you everything you need.
We'd be everything together...everything together...everything...
together.
Hey there, shy girl,
I think I'm in love.
I think I'm in love
with you.
2007-11-30 05:59:49 · 5 answers · asked by Evadne Soleil 6 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
Not bad, reads nicely! The thing is the 4th and 5th line should somehow be joined. It feels like a pothole on an otherwise smooth road.
Also the second "hey there shy girl" another annoying pothole.
Other than those small issues I like it ALOT!
2007-11-30 06:49:49 · answer #1 · answered by radman2035 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let's just hope Kip never reads it!
nice. by the way, do you have these written before you go to school or do you come up with them on the spot?
oh, i am supposed to be answering not asking, sorry.
2007-11-30 15:46:45 · answer #2 · answered by Rouxe *(Rue)* 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very nice
Are you the shy girl
Did love find you
2007-11-30 15:03:50 · answer #3 · answered by steven m 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nice job!
2007-11-30 14:11:06 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Again, you are very talented
2007-11-30 14:13:04 · answer #5 · answered by David C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋