Now people have CRITICIZED HER FOR PUTTING HIM IN A HOME...I do not get that because she was unable to care for him...when she had two little children to raise ALONE...I mean she made the best choice for her and the kids...I DO NOT UNDERSTAND THE criticism.?????..because NONE OF US WOULD WANT TO BE IN HER SITUATION...I know i would NOT...It is toooooo brutal...Remember we would have to walk in her shoes in order to judge her...What is your take on that?
2007-11-30 05:21:58 · 33 answers · asked by sweet 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
She has an obligation to make sure to take of her children first. These people are heartless. I am sure that the husband would want her to take care of the kids first. I know I would.
2007-11-30 05:26:58 · answer #1 · answered by WVAttorney 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I am sure she would take care of him if she could but if he is brain damaged that would mean that she would have to watch him 24/7. That is impossible to do with 2 small children. Plus what about the mortgage and the bills? She needs to work to keep the house. What good would it do not to work and take care of him full time and then they lose the house and have no where to live? I think she did the best thing in her situation. It doesnt make her a bad person . and you are right .. unless someone walks TWO miles in someone else's shoes then they have no right to judge!!!
2007-11-30 05:27:37 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
It must be hard on her to have to deal with her husband having had this injury in the first place. Even high-functioning brain injured persons can still be frustrating to deal with some days (my husband is one of those people, and he's a wonderful man, just some days the short-term memory that he has kind of gets to me). If she feels that what she's done is the best for everyone involved, then no matter what anyone else thinks. I believe she's done the best thing by ensuring he has the care he needs, and she can care for their children the best way she can. This can't be easy on them, either.
All you can do at this point is be the best friend to her that you can be.
2007-11-30 05:43:53 · answer #3 · answered by Shayna 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Those who condemn her for this should never hire a baby sitter for their children, no matter how much they want to go out or never leave the house unless the children are with them, including going to work. If this sound ridiculous, so does expecting a wife to be able to care for a brain damaged husband while working and raising children. she has put him somewhere that is better for him as well as herself and she would be more at fault if she took him home, sat him in a chair, and left him while she went to work or the other things she has to do day to day. Good for her!!
2007-11-30 05:36:38 · answer #4 · answered by Al B 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
People are so cruel and judgmental. If she is doing the best she can, then that is all she can do. She has to think of her children first.
I think people are like this because of their own fears. Everyone hopes if this happened to them that their spouse would be able to keep them home and care for them. It is a nightmare.
I also think people are like this out of stupidity. They have no idea how hard it is and what all it entails.
If her husband were able to speak and he cared about her and the children, he would agree with her decision. Maybe she can take comfort in that.
2007-11-30 05:46:12 · answer #5 · answered by wondermom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hard as it is, I agree with your friend. She did not intend on this happening, she has kids to care for, some people like her husband need more than what can be provided at home. She did the right thing. She will feel guilty, of course, but she did the right thing. Tell her to quit telling people about it until she is strong with her decision. My heart goes out to her, I will pray for her and her kids. She did not marry this guy thinking.."ok, i cant wait to put him in a home"....She should commend herself for having the strenghth to make such a hard decision. PERIOD. Show her this Forum so she knows not everybody feels she was wrong, she needs the moral support.
2007-11-30 05:29:04 · answer #6 · answered by kimmy3 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If she weighed all the options and found this to be the only way to manage, then so be it. It's not (hopefully!!) like she's dumped him off and abandoned him, right? She still sees him and takes the kids, right??? It would be the same as putting her father or mother in a nursing home should the become unable to care for themselves.
I think the poor woman needs to grow a backbone and tell those backbiting ******* that they need to back the f**k off and leave her alone.
2007-11-30 05:27:47 · answer #7 · answered by Brutally Honest 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
What a sad situation she was in. I feel for her. If those people do not like her decision then let them take care of him. I bet nobody else is stepping up to the plate. I think they all feel bad about what happened but are not willing to put him in thier home but they sure like to put thier two cents in. It must of been a hard decision on her part. She has children she also needs to take care of and to see there Daddy in that state everyday could be damaging. If she feels in her heart she did the right thing then she did the right thing.
2007-11-30 05:27:17 · answer #8 · answered by luvlisteningtomusic 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I think that your friend made the right decision. She couldn't give him the right care that he needed & it was harmful for her kids to see their daddy like that. She's going to have her hands full with the kids & he wouldn't want her to neglect them to try to give him care.
I also think that if she were to want to pursue a romantic relationship she should be able to. Her husband's body is alive, but the guy she fell in love with is no longer here in spirit. There may be fractions of it still in his body, but that isn't going to fill her emotional & physical needs. No spouse would ever want their signifigant others to give up on life & love because they were forever incapacitated. God knows I wouldn't want any spouse or lover of mine to do that. I'd want them to get out there & love again, even if my body was still alive. That wouldn't mean that they love me any less or wouldn't still come to visit me.
My thoughts are with your friend. Many people can criticize, but very few of them have ever had to see a loved one who is severly brain damaged or in a permanent coma. I had to watch my great-aunt suffer brain damage from repeated strokes, as well as watch her descend into a permanent coma. (Granted, it's not the same scenario, but I'd imagine that it is similar.) Her body was just a shell of it's former self & she was to the point where she could hardly even recognize her own brother. That was so hard to see my grandfather cry. I saw how it affected every single one of us. I couldn't imagine what it would be like if she was a young woman with a husband. Ever since then I have made a personal vow that if that ever happened to me I'd make sure that my lover/signifigant other would feel free to find love again even under those circumstances. Saying that she shouldn't is selfish & wrong. It's so freaking selfish & those people don't know what they are talking about. It is harder for that person to finally find love again than people think.
2007-11-30 05:39:26 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think she needs you now more than ever! Encourage her, be a friend to her. Remind her that he people who criticize her are NOT important, and that they will be held in account for every word they have spoken - See Matthew 12:36!
You cannot stop people from saying what they say, all you can do is to remind your friend that she should not let their words hurt her heart. And keep reminding her of it. Remind her that she is a good mom, and she alone has to live with the decision she made. No, I wouldn't want to be in her situation either, because it is emotionally draining, and financially burdensome. Just keep holding her up, listen to her, and provide her some sense of loyalty.
2007-11-30 05:32:05 · answer #10 · answered by Daisy 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
She had to do what was best for her and the kids. People need to realize how hard this decision had to be for her to make. She had to raise the kids and know that she lost her husband as well. People who have not been in her situation should not judge.
2007-11-30 06:06:43 · answer #11 · answered by llexiann30 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋