My husband of 7 1/2 years and I have a 3 year old son. Our marriage has been rocky from the very start. Things have gotten pretty unbearable and he's emotionally abusive as well as loses his temper in front of our son alot. We have talked about divorce a million times and he's tried to kick me out (which he can't do according to a lawyer I talked to) or leave and take the kid. He has said that we should go to a mediator to resolve things should we decide to get divorced. Is it better to do this, or get my own lawyer? I feel that if I get my own lawyer and serve him with divorce papers, he'll be shocked and may even react badly, but with my own attorney, I can be assured that he'll have only my best interest at heart. Should I get my own laywer or try to go to a mediator with my husband?
2007-11-30 04:57:51 · 11 answers · asked by SoCal007 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We have seen 4 marriage therapists throughout the course of our marriage and every one has told that we don't belong together. I've left him twice before, one for 3 months, the second time for a few weeks. In my heart, I know this relationship is toxic. I am 33, he's 46. I am on meds a week ago b/c all this was getting to depress me really badly. I feel like I need to be strong and have clarity to be able to go through the divorce. I want full custody but in reality, I know he's a good dad and wouldn't want to keep my son from having a relationship with his dad. HOWEVER, my husband is very well connected to attorneys and for this reason as well, I feel I would need to have my own lawyer in case my husband were to try to pull any fast ones. My husband has a business and I could care less about the money, I am soley concerned about not getting screwed with the custody issues.
2007-11-30 05:16:58 · update #1
move out and get your own lawyer unless you agree to anything he wants and end up with nothing I am sure.
2007-11-30 05:01:52 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would have both on hand. My parents each had their own lawyers and a mediator. Some things were settled out of court and some things had to be settled in court. They owned a business and home together. But I would let him know what you plan on doing, so that he will know what's comming. Then his reaction might not be so bad when he gets the papers. It sounds to me like this is not healthy for your 3 year old. This is the age when they just start absorbing everythign like a sponge and you wouldn't want him to develope a temper like his father. Good luck!
2007-11-30 13:09:12 · answer #2 · answered by ~Sara~ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i divorced a man that was emotionally abusive to me....he was a good fahter though. We went to a mediator and agreed to 50/50 custody...7 days 7 days. We shared an attorney and it worked out great. We are actually friends now and his girlfriend and he come over sometimes to visit with my husband and I when they are picking up our child. It doesn't have to stay ugly. Just keep the topic to the child for about a year and this will change the pattern of your relationship....it really works!! Good luck.
2007-11-30 13:02:12 · answer #3 · answered by Rein 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lawyers milk their clients and make more and more money off them because they get paid more. They are crooks. I know this because I have friends and family members who are attorneys. The more they can get you and your husband to disagree, and file custody suits and argue over property, they make more money. Thousands in fact. Attorneys love it.
If you can go to your minister, a family counselor or some other trusted person to help you out, thats better than the thousands of dollars you will be paying a mediator or a lawyer.
2007-11-30 13:04:21 · answer #4 · answered by happydawg 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Since he is emotionally abusive and loses his temper in front of your son, you need your own attorney. He sounds like my ex and tried to get a mediator and all of that. He will try to screw you any chance he can.
Get your own attorney, you can be provided with $$ for that. GOOD LUCK and move on with your child. He sounds like a rat.
2007-11-30 13:17:31 · answer #5 · answered by Dani Bosco 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get your own lawyer. My mother-in-law did the mediator thing and got screwed. You have to look out for yourself and your son.
2007-11-30 13:09:24 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My brother and sister in law saw a lawyer together, AND a mediator. If you can settle things out of court, it will save you thousands of dollars!
2007-11-30 13:01:42 · answer #7 · answered by Rachel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
See a marriage counselor. If it's too expensive, many churches have something similar - and maybe he needs to be on some kind of anti-depressant. It doesn't sound like he's depressed, but drugs like Zoloft and Lexapro also help (a lot) with anger issues.
2007-11-30 13:08:04 · answer #8 · answered by Grainne 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i would get my only lawyer because not only for the divorce but also for the right to your son. You need to ask yourself how is your son going to live with. i would get my only lawyer to handle both issue.
2007-11-30 13:04:12 · answer #9 · answered by Irish Crash 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Try and get help first.. if that doesnt work then take the next necessary steps.
2007-11-30 13:01:59 · answer #10 · answered by 90304 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋