my boyfreind and I have been together for 2 years. I have been devorced for 3 years. He is very good to my daughter and I. Yet my daughter hates him and won't have the idea that he wants to be with us. I have watched then interact and it is all good. He adores her . How do I make my daughter realize that she shouldn't feel this way? My daughter is 14
2007-11-30 04:55:18 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
She's 14 - there's the answer to your question. She needs to get over herself and realize that her mother has a right to be happy!
2007-11-30 04:58:11 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 8⤊ 3⤋
Your daughter hates him bc she wants you back with her dad. There is nothing, imo, that you can do. She is in her formative years and it might be a good idea, although granted not fair to you, for you not to date until she is a bit more mature. It seems like you started dating rather quickly after your divorce and your daughter probably has not adjusted yet. I feel that it would be in her best interests, which is what matters most here, if you waited a couple of years before dating again. If the guy likes you and cares about your daughter like you said, he will understand.
Also....and I noticed that some of the other posters were thinking the same thing that I was.....please be care about the men you bring around your daughter. There are so many weirdos out there...even if you think you know the guy.
2007-11-30 05:05:21 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think the best thing to do is sit down with her alone and ask her why she doesn't like your boyfriend. There may be something else going on that you haven't seen. Let her know you will not judge her, you just want to understand where she is coming from. Maybe she feels as if you are trying to replace her dad. Or maybe she feels as if you are giving your boyfriend more attention than you are giving her and she feels left out. Listen to her and let her know that you understand that she is having a hard time and you will do what it takes to make her feel more comfortable and you will love her no matter what. Also make an effort to spend more one-on-one time with her.
I understand that you want the three of you to be a family, but your daughter needs extra time with you - even if she is 14.
On the other hand, if she refuses to give you a reason or she is just being unreasonable, let her know you will be there for her when she needs to talk, but you want to be happy and, as long as you or her are not in any danger, she cannot dictate who you can or cannot see. You need to be happy, too.
2007-11-30 05:16:10 · answer #3 · answered by muchluv4pets 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Take her aside and talk to her about it..make special "girl time" for the two of you. Let her know she will always be first in your life and no one can take her place. She's at a really hard age too...she has a lot of hormones and emotions going on, she needs an extra bit of attention. She also might be trying to make sure you don't get hurt again. Whatever her feelings are, make sure she knows that she can tell you the truth and you will listen to her and try to work everything out, and she will not be left behind.
2007-11-30 05:04:26 · answer #4 · answered by beaners1229 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
She doesn't want to share you with your boyfriend. She has been through a divorce where her Mother and Father got divorced, and now you bring a new man into the picture. For a 14 year old, it is a little tramatizing. My suggestion: have your boyfriend move out and get his own place for a while. She needs time to be with her Mother and heal the wounds of divorce. You've got to remember, she loves her father also. Yes, your b/f is good to her, but she is too immature to understand and appreciate his affection and love. The key to this is for him to move out for a while. You can see him and be a couple, just that he doesn't share your home right now.
2007-11-30 13:50:25 · answer #5 · answered by cardgirl2 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know u probably like/love ur bf but u have to think of ur daughter. Put urself in her shoes. She is going through the toughest time age wise because of all the peer pressure and identity crisis plus having the idea that maybe u r putting more attention to him than to her can hurt her alot. U should have a serious talk with her and ask her why is it that she feels like that. Ur bf might be a nice guy and everything but not through her eyes, u have to see things from her prespective and maybe u guys will find a way to solve this problem.
2007-11-30 05:00:29 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
there is a lot going on her head. And you need to understand her emotions and talk about them with her. She needs to feel that her feelings are important and she needs to know about your plans with this new man. Also be aware that this is normal for children after a divorce and be sensitive to her feelings. Talk about things together with your daughter.
2007-11-30 05:07:21 · answer #7 · answered by pegasis 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sons and daughters will ALWAYS hate who their parents are dating, no matter who they are. (I did the same thing when my parents were dating when I was young)
Just give her some time to mature and accept that you deserve a life as well. She's only 14
2007-11-30 05:02:43 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
Teenagers are hard to read! Girls especially are over emotional! Try to understand her feelings on this issue! No one can replace her father. Don't give up on your boyfriend for your daughter. If you give in to this, she'll expect you to give in on other important issues as well.
2007-11-30 05:09:06 · answer #9 · answered by Rachel 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Read Divorce Poison by Warwick and any other information you can get your hands on about blended family problems. This is typical behavior and there are ways to fix it. Good luck.
2007-11-30 04:57:57 · answer #10 · answered by Rein 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
try to talk logically to your daughter i believe she feels if your boyfriend gets married with you , you might stop loving her show her that you will never let anything get between you two and do things together all three of you . good luck.
2007-11-30 05:10:20 · answer #11 · answered by SHAWN 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋