I have been married for 10 years to a wonderful man. He has his flaws but over all he is a great man. 6 months ago I was contacted by my HS sweet heart. We were together for 7 years and I thought we were going to marry. Instead one day he was gone. Just like that. Needless to say I was devestated . I had more questions than answers. Although 20 years have come and gone and I went on with my life. I always had the ligering question "why". He is now a very wealthy man, in my eyes very cocky and quite arrogant. I can hear him when he talks about others and how he conducts his life. My dilema is I think of him alot. I wait for him to call. I feel like a headstrong teenager. I don't want to Jepurdice my marriage but I can't stop thinking of him. I obviously don't like him but the memories I have of him seem to be stronger than the reality that is before me. I need to know why. What can I do to help it.
2007-11-30 04:42:10 · 17 answers · asked by liz 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You just need to sit down and realize that you're mesmerized by PAST memories, NOT who this guy is now. It's hard to let go of our first loves. It's hard not to feel those same feelings stir again when the chapter was never really officially closed and left you wondering. But, the fact is, people change, and it would be crazy to risk your marriage over someone you really don't know anymore. Especially when what you see so far isn't all that positive. Let yourself have your memories. Let yourself feel. That doesn't mean we have to chase those pots of gold. Just look at them from a distance. We don't have to follow every whim, you know. I know what you're saying, but to tell the truth, it doesn't matter why he left the picture. He just did. Now, years later he returns. So what?
Keep your memories, and keep a friendship with him if you want, but if you doubt yourself at ALL, it's best not to even subject yourself to temptation. You can't do any wrong if you're NOT there to do it.
2007-11-30 04:48:31 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Because the appeal of the "what if" and the "why" is a fantasy. It was painful for you so you are seeking some solution to a problem which is imaginary. The truth is you already have your answer. Your answer is your life with your husband. It doesn't matter "why?". Sometimes we have a unrealistic view of the past, th bad memories seem to fade and the good ones seem to become stronger. It sounds harsh but he left. If he could not live without you he would never have left. He is a different person now and so are you. It sounds like you have a great marriage. Don't disrespect it by giving this person from your past a place in your mind that belongs to your husband. I went through the same thing after my divorce. I had to change my perspective. He was gone, by his own choice. I could sit and pine away and wonder or I could take my life back. Now I have an incredible fiance who loves me more than I ever thought someone would. Channel that energy into time with your Honey. Make some romantic plans, you might find this little problem sparks something new and better in your marriage.
2007-11-30 04:58:52 · answer #2 · answered by Tink 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's been so long. You now have someone that's been there for you and hasn't left your side. Going back with your ex would ruin your husband's life. High School is over with. Your ex is obviously putting on the charms for you. If he ever cared about you at all, he wouldn't want to ruin things between you and your husband. And if I were your husband I'd be very upset. This is how relationships get ruined. Put a stop to it or end up feeling guilty. It's your call. I hope you make the right decision. Why would you waste ten years of your husbands life?
I know you have feeling and urges. Everyone gets tempted. You need to remember that you're in a loving relationship. If your husband has been there for you for this long, why ruin it? Don't give in to your ex. He's not the man anymore. Your husband is!
2007-11-30 05:02:01 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is completely normal. You have fond memories. You are in love with the memories of this person. Truth is you and your ex have grown and developed into different people than you were back then. Perhaps you could be friends with each other, but it's not the best idea, especially if you still have lingering romantic feelings for him. You must learn to face the fact that everything between you and you ex is nothing more than memories. It is part of the past and cannot return and become the present or future. Just enjoy your memories and don't let them mess up your current situation.
2007-11-30 04:54:05 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You didn't "finish". You weren't able to resolve your relationship & those feelings are poking their head out again. This guy sounds like a d*ckhead & it sounds like you realise that as well. I think that you may be feeling a little stale in your current relationship & this guy may represent a way for you to stir things up a little. I think that a part of you is using this as a self-esteem boost because the person who rejected you is now pursuing you. You want to prove to him that he made a mistake.
I think that you should cut ties with him without explaining why this time. Give him a taste of his own medicine. (Of course, if you want to be nice, you could tell him as well.) You should also talk to your husband & maybe get into some couple's therapy. If you were truly happy with your hubby & yourself right now you'd never have given this guy anything but a passing glance when he contacted you. Your hubby needs to know that this guy has contacted you, since if he were to find out by mistake or by this guy telling him (he sounds low enough to do that) you stand a very good chance of losing your husband over a guy who sees you as a piece of meat he can get back whenever he wants. (If he loved you or respected you at all, he wouldn't have left you like he did.)
If this guy is genuinely only contacting you to be friendly & to try to give you closure, then you may not want to necessarily be nasty about it. However, it is obvious that you are not able to be "just friends" with him, so a friendship is sadly not a viable option here.
2007-11-30 04:50:34 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello and peace to you and the family, Well to me Liz it seem that your happy with your married man you have now. God bless and I am happy for you. Are you wrong for keeping in touch with the X? (!!! YES!!!!) And don't take me wrong i am not getting on you.But if you are married to a wonderful man now , why would you want to mess that up by keeping in touch with the X??? My sister are you realy that easy going that you would even think of your X.Hmm that's just plan crazy and selfish on your part.You have a man that LOVES you and as what you say he is wonderful, Liz stop fooling your self are you in love with the Wonderful man or the PAST 20 year X??? A question you may have for him( WHY)??? Liz Ask the PAST 20 year X why he did what he did by leaving you high and dry. And when you get your answer from him,and it better be a good one, then move on with your life with your man that has been with you and love you and keeps you happy. you need some real answer so you don't keep wondering and thinking about this 20 year past X who is a arrogant and cocky sad chunk of well lets just say his wealth has blow his head up.Off with him and stick to the wonderful one you have now. Good luck and blessing to you my sister. much love to you.
love Lyonel (crow)
2007-11-30 05:12:34 · answer #6 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
we always need to face reality, and embrace it. he left u once, and disappeared, what u are in love with is a fantasy and something not real. is someone who left u brokenhearted and abandoned really someone u feel u can trust now? what he did in the past is a really good predictor of what he will do in the future. sure right now he is stroking your ego, telling u everything u want to hear, but what happens when it doesn't work out the way u think? have u considered what this will do to your husband emotionally. u could find yourself down and out with no one. u will need to control your thoughts, because its in those thoughts that makes u move in one direction or the other. your thoughts will move u towards your destiny, good or bad. i think your risking a man u know is faithful who u can count on, for a man u can't. the choice is yours, but if your smart u will cut all ties with your past.
2007-11-30 08:56:04 · answer #7 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to leave that man where he is and get him out of your thoughts. You said your husband is a wonderful man, but if he finds out you have been in contact with your hs, your relationship may be forever changed. And you will be all by yourself b/c you know your arrogant friend wouldn't want a cheater. Do yourself a favor, and love your husband, he sounds like he deserves it.
2007-11-30 04:47:38 · answer #8 · answered by imthatgirl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are stuck in high school years. Your husband should be your number 1 guy not the High School no care in the world romance. His money sounds good to you because that is all you said good about him other then how much fun you had with him. My high school boyfriend treated me really well and he moved away. I love my husband and would never go back to any man in the past. The past should stay in the past work on your marriage.
2007-11-30 04:47:17 · answer #9 · answered by luvlisteningtomusic 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Move on honey.....and forget the guy. Why would you continue to dwell on a man that you described as "cocky" and "quite arrogant"? You are with a "wonderful" man, as you describe him.....just be glad the jerk dumped you and stop living in the past.
2007-11-30 04:52:31 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋