My Ex has just cancelled on picking up our little boy for the 3rd week running...?

Question

our 3 year old is now in tears again, because daddy didn't show.
Whilst it is against my better judgement, is it ok if I secretly knock his lights out? (not the ones on his car).

Yeah I know, it's not the right thing to do...setting an example and all that jazz but gosh wouldn't it be sweet?

He knows how much it's hurting him, and every week he is 'sorry but...' there is always a 'but'.
Oh well it's his relationship with his son he is ruining, at least I am here to comfort our boy and let him know that 'daddy will always love him but he just can't come today' - It sticks in my throat every time I have to say it but say it I do.

I DONT TELL HIM, I refuse to because he is so unreliable, they talk on the phone every thursday and he tells him he is coming, I can't control what he tells him.

HELLO I DON'T TELL HIM, ANYONE READING THE WHOLE THING????

Answer 1

I think things like that all the time- the key is to keep them just that...thoughts! My husband has an ex and I would love nothing more than to make her life a living hell. Instead, I have to find ways to fight the battle silently...

Answer 2

Oh yeah, you have every right to be really P.O'd !! Is the arrangement court ordered?
Little kids do not understand, nor should they have to.
So what's wrong with Daddy? Would a schedule change help? Next time don't let the child know that daddy's coming, so she/he won't be set up for disappointment. Let it be a surprise if & when he does!
I know it will be hard, but be the better person for the child's sake and try to amicabily discuss what the problem is with the visitation. Good Luck!!

Answer 3

We all know that one day he is going to regret his actions, this is the time for him to bond with his son a few more years (two or three) and he will be out of luck, his little boy will need him less and less as the years go by. UNFORTUNATELY,although we know this, it is not going to help the little boy at the moment from hurting,but what you can do, make it so he does not take it personally, tell him how mush dad loves him, and as he is little, a tiny white lie may help him not feel rejected, daddy is sorry but he had to work. he is sick, or what ever you can think of and make it believable, not for your ex sake but for the little boy sake, he needs his dad at this stage.
Now if things do not improve he will make up his own mind about his father, but as he is little, you can give your ex a bit of leeway, you can also explain to him that he will loose his son, many man do not understand the importance of the first few years, they think when the kid grows up they will be more able to communicate by then it will be too late, the relationship they will have with their sons will be a superficial one, good luck

Answer 4

Iam sorry this is happen to u, i have child and for a whole year and half the childs father disappeared all so he could go party and hock up with other women.. i never mentioned why hewent away but i did give my child everything i could and showered my child with my love and my families love.

All u can do is show ur son that u love him and ur not going leave him, dont dish his father in front of him and keep up what ur doing, in the end ur son will make up his own mind and will see who was there to support him and give him everything he ever wanted and knows u really loved him. he will thank u in later life, his lose not urs and enjoy the rewards that ur ex is loosen out on.

Wish u both the best of luck in the future and hope things work out for u in the end. Goodluck and God Bless

Answer 5

Your son is young enough that if you were to get him ready that he would not know that his Daddy will pick him up or not. Do not tell your son that Daddy is going to pick you up today. I know it is hurtful been in your shoes before but I stopped telling my son when he was that little that his Dad was going to pick him up. You need to talk to you ex when he calls and tells him that he will pick him up that he shouldn't make promises that he cannot keep. I read the whole thing and sorry to say but your son doesn't know when Thursday is he is only 3. You can say he is so smart and knows but he doesn't.

Answer 6

I know it's hard. My ex did the same thing. My daughter is only 8 months old so she really doesn't understand right now but I'm dreading when she's 3 or 4 and he makes promises to her that he can't or won't keep.
All you can do is pray about it and move on. Be the best Mom you can. Your son will appreciate you more and he will see just what an idiot his Dad really is.

Answer 7

There's nothing you can do but keep it from your son as much as possible. Arrange with the father for the pick up, don't tell your son just be wherever you are supposed to meet. If he shows up, great if not then your son is none the wiser. In a few years your son will figure it out for himself and you will come off unscathed. As long as you're not blocking any attempt he's making there isn't anything you can do. Maybe you can have another male relative try to bond with your son in the meantime?

Answer 8

Tell your ex he is in grave danger of losing his visiting rights all together and risking an important relationship with his son- your son will not forget the hurt. My sisters little girl went through the same thing at that age and eventually the father even stopped calling the house to speak to her, sending her gifts or visiting in a very short space of time. By the time she was seven she had decided for herself that he was obviously no good and announced she wished her biological father would expire- her very words. She is 13 now and she only ever refers to him as her biological father who never loved her anyway!

Answer 9

Dear Minnie, seems like your ex has a lack of responsibility towards your son. knocking his lights (although it would be very sweet for you) out would not be in the best interest of your son, What you Ex needs is a good telling off, explain how painful it is for your son to be geared up to see his dad only to be let down. Your Ex also needs to be told of his obligation towards the deceit for his of lack of responsibility. A son needs his father as a role model what a lesson he is teaching such a young child. This is a fine example of how to lose respect for one parent and your son in-time will only see him as a liar and a cheat. You may not be able to knock his lights out, but you can certainly tell him how badly he is behaving and how upset your son gets after being let down yet again, also he should get his act together, stop telling lies to his son and uphold his responsibilities. Good luck....David

Answer 10

I would not tell your son he is coming until it is confirm, this way you are not breaking his heart again. You cannot replace the father figure his is missing, but you can be the greatest mom he will ever have. Just be there for your son and move on with life, if that is the way it has to be. Your husband is just proving what an ___ he really is.