MIL insisted that babies will gain more weight if breastfeeding hurt. Does this make any sense?

Question

So one day she walked in while I was feeding my son and "repositioned" him so that it hurt, saying that the correct way to breastfeed was the painful way. It's a sacrifice that all mothers should make.
To support this statement, she said that she had breastfed all her kids the painful way, and all of them had gained more than the average babies.

How do I act on this without causing a rift?

Answer 1

tell her she raised her kids, now you are gonna raise yours. as long as the baby is feeding, its gaining the weight he needs.. what the hell does pain have to do with anything... your mil cant prove that they wouldnt have gained the same amount of weight had she had breastfed the non painfull way.

Answer 2

I think this might go some way to explaining why your MIL thought she was doing the right thing.

'Symptoms of a baby who’s getting “too much soup, not enough cheesecake.” '

http://www.wiessinger.baka.com/bfing/trouble/gulping.html

My thought is that her children were probably gaining weight because the never got the cheesecake as they weren't latched on properly.

You might want to ask your MIL how long she managed to bf her babies. Perhaps she stopped when they started getting fussy and thought of it as weaning?

I don't think that there's anyway you can explain this to her, it would hurt way too much.

I'd thank her for her advice and tell her how much you appreciate her, then avoid bf while she's about. Maybe there are some better ideas already, but hope understanding why she thinks this way is of some help.

In answer to a following post, take a look at this blog http://moxie.blogs.com/askmoxie/2006/01/breastfeeding_w.html

'If breastfeeding hurts a lot, something isn't right.'

'a lot of women experience a little pain. Your nipples have never been stretched so far; your ducts have never been distended to such a degree. Sometimes, especially before the milk starts flowing, it makes a person say ouch. According to The Breastfeeding Atlas, this type of pain should last about 20-30 seconds per feeding and resolve within a week. But if you hear that you shouldn't be saying ouch, you may worry that you're doing it wrong. Motherhood presents many and varied opportunities to worry that you're doing it wrong. Whenever possible (this is just such an instance), decline them.

Answer 3

Go to any website about breastfeeding (google La leche league, or just simply "breastfeeding") and you can print off the page that states if breastfeeding hurts, you're not doing it right. Breastfeeding hurts if baby is sucking on the nipple itself, instead of the breast. If baby is latched on the nipple and not latched on to the areola (the dark coloured circle surrounding the nipple) he/she will not get enough milk. Her babies may have gained more weight because they were fed more often than they needed to be, because they were never fully satisfied from her improper positioning. Or they just could have been big eaters or larger than average babies.

Either way, just politely tell her that much research has been done on breastfeeding in the last 10 years and that lactation consultants/nurses/doctors all agree that the way you were originally feeding him was best. And if it does cause a rift, that'll be her problem....you have to do what's best for baby and yourself. Good luck!

Answer 4

A caveat on some of the previous answer/ers, actually if your baby is a newborn and/or you're just starting with the breastfeeding, I disagree that "if it hurts, you're doing it wrong". Breastfeeding can be painful for several weeks or even months until your supply, your baby's latch, and your body get accustomed to such a new thing.

To that end, despite some of the other well-intended responses, resources such as La Leche League and many other texts, midwives, health visitors, etc., are finally admitting that it can indeed hurt. And if it hurts it doesn't -necessarily- mean you're doing it wrong, as saying so can easily put off a lot of new mums.

On the other hand, in response to your MIL, the converse is not true either -- It doesn't have to hurt in order to produce or deliver the greatest amount of milk to your baby. (Over time, I do agree with other answerers that it shouldn't hurt, and it should feel perfectly comfortable and natural -- I just think it's unfair to set that expectation for new mums who are in their first few weeks with blisters, blocked ducts and other issues!) :)

If in your original position (before your MIL switched the baby's position), you felt comfortable, your baby was getting enough (swallowing, satisfied, content) and gaining adequate weight, I certainly would not switch to a position that's causing you pain.

Your last question "How do I act on this without causing a rift?" is straightforward -- If you're afraid this straightforward difference in opinion might cause a massive rift, wait a few more months and a whole heap of other child rearing options come into play! As ever, with respect and gratitude for your MIL genuinely wishing the best for you and the baby (after all it's her grandbaby! and surely the best in the history of all time), graciously thank her for her suggestion (and the evidence of the children she raised), tell her you've taken it into consideration, but you ultimately prefer and believe your baby is better off in the other [original] position.

There will be bigger issues to contend with if she's just getting started, but in all these cases, appreciate that she's trying to help [in her overbearing unhelpful way!] but tell her you prefer something else, and don't leave it open to debate. There is no debate, it's not a group/extended-family baby raising dynamic -- You're the mum and while being informed is helpful [with a variety of opinions and views] you'll ultimately make the choice you need to make.

Answer 5

Absolutely not. The baby will eat what he needs to eat, and will gain weight accordingly. As long as the milk is flowing, how he's positioned will have nothing to do with it.

Let her know that she may have been successful, but you are being successful, as well. If you need to, tell her that your mother breastfed the same way you've been doing it, and all of her kids were healthy, as well. Additionally, it's not necessarily healthy for babies to gain "more than the average". In fact, this can lead to obesity later in life, so it is really best to have the baby gain a "normal" amount of weight.

Your baby is fine and healthy, and there's no need for anyone in your household to be in pain, just for him to continue growing.

Answer 6

Wow, I've never heard such nonsense. You can start making your case by saying you did a great job with you children but it's my turn to raise mine.

You can also look for some online help. Leleche organization is great although I'm not entirely sure I spelled it correctly and don't have time know to check. These types of place will get you info to support your stance. Breast feeding shouldn't hurt I have never heard of such nonsense. When all else fails you do it your way because your the mother and thats what matters. Good luck to you.

Answer 7

I am so sorry you have a know it all in your life!! wow, no it shouldn't hurt I would show her some pamphlets from the Le Leche group or even your local WIC office, copy stuff offline, ouch!!! that makes my boobs hurt thinking about it, it shouldn't hurt and for your sake I hope you don't have to breast feed around her too much, I would tell her to back off because this is really personal, those are your boobs!! I have never heard such crap, pain doesn't make babies fat! wow, what a moron.

Answer 8

I would tell her that this is how your doctor said to do it. It is not supposed to be unbearably painful. My son gained plenty of weight when it didn't hurt. He is now 20 months and a very healthy 30 pounds. It is your body and your baby. Go to the bathroom or away from her to feed. I hope this helps. Good luck.

Answer 9

She probably means well and she's only telling you what she was taught.

Life moves on. Once it was considered beautiful to bind baby girls feet.

Moving on. Chest to chest is what my midwife taught me. It only hurt if I let my boobies get a bit soggy or when the babes got a bit too enthusiastic. If you have health visitor or midwife/breast feeding counsellor go see them.

Perhaps MIL should stay away for a bit or at times when you are not feeding until you get your confidence back. MILs have a bit of knack sometimes of getting above their station. Start as you mean to go on. You are the boss in your house, not her. Go for it and don't give up.

Answer 10

What a load of crap. Nursing should never hurt. If breastfeeding hurts, the baby is not latched on correctly. If baby is not latched on correctly, he can't nurse as effectively, and he'll get less milk! Ignore her and keep doing what you're doing.

If she insists, tell her that your *doctor* says he's gaining just enough weight, and what you're doing is right. If she pushs even further, just calmly ask her to please not disturb the baby while he's eating. Then have hubby talk to her - it's his mom! Honestly, I'd probably have smacked her hand away when she went to move the baby.