i posted his under singles and dating but i was also wondering if any of the woman that are pregnant now or just had a baby had this problem
my bf and i got in a fight last night (about something stupid) & he said he doesn't want kids at all they are dirty brats they are a waste of money etc
that really bugged me when i asked him what if i got pregnant he said he would get another job so he didn't have to be home w/ the baby but he wouldn't leave me by myself when i asked about going to the dr he said he "would have to go"
to me this is so scary we are 20 & 21 & have been together almost 4 years & he is just now saying this
i think hes scared to be a parent cuz his were to busy for him working double shifts & from the age for 8 or 9 he raised himself (his family didn't have alot of money so both parents worked alot & he was throw from baby sitter to baby sitter) he says that isn't why he feels this way
it scares me cuz we are trying to put money together to start a life
2007-11-30 02:55:52 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
told him all kids aren't like that...the ones he has been around are the random girls his cousin picks up and sleeps w/ (his cousin has 5 kids to 4 girls) & his sisters they are all very bad
but if he would have been around my brother & i as kids were weren't allowed to be like that my parents raised us right we were the kids that were always allowed to come to adult only things because weren't bad or annoying or any of that.....
my best friend said the second he sees your baby start to grow and the baby kick inside and then the first time he holds him or her he will change his tune
at the same time by bf doesn't do anything to protect against having a kid he doesn't ask about my birth control he doesn't check to see if i take it (i do) ..& doesn't always pull out so
2007-11-30 02:57:53 · update #1
crystal...yes lets trade or atleast give them a brain transplant lol i want alteast 2 kids a boy first then a girl or 2 boys
i wasn't thinking now we talked b4 & said about kids whne im 24 and hes 26ish
and get married when im 22ish
2007-11-30 03:02:31 · update #2
he has never run the 2 times i did think i was pregnant...the first time he cryed the 2nd time he didn't let me around ppl who smoked..wouldn't even let me taste his drink at dinner he asked me to put my 2 weeks in at work because my job is hard on my body etc and when the test did say no he cryed again i know he wouldn't leave....i just don't want him to think this way for ever
2007-11-30 03:35:04 · update #3
Your are young. I'm sorry but live your lives, Don't worry about kids. I think once he matures a little, he might think differently. Spend time together to things together wait for kids when you are older. I was 19 when I had my daughter. I had NO life. Your young and happy with each other now,
Give him time to grow up, his mind will change. Make friends with kids, go over to their house let him be around different kids, he will turn around. Just don't push him into.. His mind is made up at this point but give him time, and please don't rush to have kids. your both kids yourself.
2007-11-30 03:01:34 · answer #1 · answered by jenjen2_46514 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I think that the 2 of you need to have a serious conversation about this. Is he really that against having kids or is he just scared? Was it something he said in the heat of an argument? Did he have a bad baby-sitting experience or problems with his siblings? Is he worried that you want kids NOW instead of in 5 or 10 years? You might also think about how determined you are to have kids. I know that for me, I'd be just as happy to have kids as to not have kids. It's not a major issue in my relationship with my boyfriend.
If the 2 of you really are at odds over having kids you need to take a good look at whether you can resolve this issue without either of you being angry or resentful. If not, it may mean that you go your separate ways. No matter how you feel about each other, there are some issues (including having kids) that can make or breal a relationship.
2007-11-30 14:32:58 · answer #2 · answered by QT_Pie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I see your dilemma.
This is a deal-breaker for most people.
You should never trick or deceive someone into parenthood, because they might change their minds.
Yes, he will resent you and your baby aand leave you. A baby deserves a daddy who wants to be there.
YOU have to decide whether you want what you have or not.
If you want to be with someone who doesn't want kids, thinks they are a big problem, and has no parenting skills, then you will be fine--as long as you don't go ahead and have kids.
If you want to be with someone who will entertain the idea, and likes to play with kids, and has stability and patience and a big heart, then you have to go get a new bf.
DO not think for one minute you have the right to change his mind/or him. YOU DON'T EVER.
Be grateful he told you upfront, and not AFTER you have a child or while you are carrying his baby.
This guy is not daddy material. The truth shall set you both free.
This does not have to scare you. You have to SEE the truth , whether you LIKE it or not.
Me? I would tell him, I appreciate his honesty, but I am a mommy kind of person, and so I am going to cut my losses.
I love you, but I love my life more, and I know what kind of life I want. Being childless my whole life is not on the list.
Good luck finding a person who shares your view of marriage and life. Bye.
2007-11-30 11:46:46 · answer #3 · answered by Lottie W 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to sit down with your boyfriend once you have both simmered down from this fight, and talk this over calmly.
Find out truly how he feels about having kids and why. Then you need to decide how you want to deal with this information. Do you really want to be with someone that doesn't want kids? Do you really want to be with someone that will basically leave all the child rearing to you?
Do NOT under any circumstances go on and have a baby and think it will change his ways. Doesn't work that way. Just because he doesn't ask about birth control doesn't mean he wants a child. Most men are oblivious and just assume the woman takes care of it.
Good luck!
2007-11-30 11:02:36 · answer #4 · answered by Mom 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe the thought of being a parent scares him. Man don't act very well with fear they disguise it as anger or denial. When we have children they make us grow up. The love and acceptance of a child humbles us. This is common for men to feel scare specially if he is young. I think the best time to have a child is after your mid twenties. Early 20s are hard because you are adjusting to adulthood.
But also don't discard the fact that he might not be the fathering type then you have a decision to make. Take or leave it......But you need to think of that child that would be in the middle of all this. Take responsibility for choosing the right parent.
2007-11-30 11:08:11 · answer #5 · answered by liz 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your way too young for kids. You have been with each other since you were 16. You are lucky he is being honest with you up front. Move on. You are soooooo lucky he is being honest with you up front. He doesn't want kids. Let me say that again. You are lucky he is being honest with you.He doesn't want kids. This will not get better if you become pregnant. You will be a single parent and it will be your fault knowing what you know about his feelings.You are soooo lucky to know because he was honest with you. Your young and have a full life ahead of you. Find someone who wants what you want as well in life. Your boyfriend is not a bad guy but just wants different things. Be thankful he is being honest with you. Don't become a single parent. It is very hard!! Good luck and thank your boyfriend for being honest. It's important.
2007-11-30 11:08:22 · answer #6 · answered by Dick H 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
The fact that your bf has a very selfish outlook is relevant to the extent that his selfishness probably extends to other areas. Many such individuals are temperamentally unsuitable to be parents and do a terrible job raising children. To his credit, he expresses his feelings.
Women are often under the delusion that they can change men's attitudes. Sure, sometimes they succeed. But mostly it remains a delusion. Be realistic, is this a relationship you want to foster? Painful as it may be, you should consider ending the association.
2007-11-30 11:05:11 · answer #7 · answered by greydoc6 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you love this man, and are certain this is to be the direction you choose to go in, this is just a mountain you will have to climb.
All relationships have difficulties. It's the stubborn commitment to each other that enables people to remain together their whole lives through.
Oddly, money is the one big thing couples argue over, and yet it is only one small part of everything that goes into a relationship.
2007-11-30 12:17:11 · answer #8 · answered by Jed 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
maybe he is too young right now? most people change their mind about things like this as they get older...they get the parental insticts later on sometimes...maybe give him some time? Don't just get pregnant and expect him to all of the sudden love the idea...but give him some time to grow and change a bit....if he still never wants kids and you do, you might have to look at the situation and decide if this is the person you want to be with....if you two want different things out of life. good luck.
I did want to add that my husband said (while we were dating) that he wanted to get married and have kids when he was like 28....well, after a while he did change his mind becasue i am 22 now and he is 25....we are married and I just had our first son....so, people do change.
2007-11-30 11:00:30 · answer #9 · answered by Andrea 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Dont worry, at that age my husband said the same thing to me.
We are now married, he is 28 and I am 25 and pregnant with our first child due in May.
I think he just isnt ready to discuss kids yet I would give him a while.
In my situation I did want kids I just wanted to wait a few more years and now the one who said he didnt want kids was the one pressing the subject.
2007-11-30 11:01:12 · answer #10 · answered by shawnamike5202006 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋