Should I tell my assistant who's 49 years old that she is the biggest baby I've ever had the mispleasure

Question

of working with???

She stops talking to me if she's mad and doesn't give me the courtesey of telling me what it is that I did so I can try to fix it. But she'll grab other people on my team and have a closed door b*tch session about me.

It's happened multiple times.

I'm not her boss...although she works for my team, not just me.

Answer 1

Calling her a big baby, although she is acting like it, is merely just that, name calling. Dont stoop to her level, but you do need to let her know that her behavior is very unprofessional and you disprove of they way she handles getting her feeling hurt. If there is a problem, she should come to you immediately. Otherwise, dragging others into it only puts them in an awkward position as well as undermining your authority. An assistants sole job is to assist you. If she isnt doing this, then she isnt doing her job. Im sure someone out there would appreciate having the job more than she does. I dont always like my job but I am grateful to have one to gripe about.

Answer 2

It is your job as her supervisor to develop her.You're allowing her to do this. It's time to have a "Come to Jesus" meeting. Let her know that even though the two of you may be different, that is what actually makes you a good team.

I have a rule with my assistants and staff, "If you haven't brought it to my attention, and given me a chance to rectify it, then you can't hold me accountable for not fixing it, or discuss it with another team member." In order for this to work, you must foster a very open relationship where they can come to you with anything, without a severe reaction.

When I have to tell them no, (which inevitably, I do sometimes), I then expect that they will go and "discuss" me. Don't you talk about your boss when they don't give you what you want? As long as it isn't malicious or gets out of hand, then everyone has a right to vent, even though it does suck when you know they are talking about you :)

Answer 3

If your assistant is immature at 49 years of age and tends to disrupt the work place when criticized, there is need for a sit-down and a long talk. She has to understand that another outburst of displeasure will result in her dismissal, that she is not a team player and enough is enough! Apparently this person may have been overlooked for your position. There is a bit of resentment? The old army saying fits well -" Shape up or Ship Out!!"

Answer 4

Yes! But, of course, you should not phrase it like that if you want it to have a positive effect. Name calling will only make it worse. Take her aside and explain to her what your expectations are, i.e., you expect that when she has a problem with you, she will talk to you about it so you can either correct the situation, or explain to her why you did something the way you did it and will not be changing it. She needs to understand that clamming up is not professional behavior, and will not be tolerated by you, and that complaining about you to others hurts you, your relationship with her, and the entire office. Get her to agree to how disagreements will be handled in the future.

If this happens again after your talk, she needs to be reminded what you talked about and agreed on. If the behavior continues, you will, unfortunately, have to escalate your response to whatever disciplinary route your company has in place.

Vent to your spouse or close (non-work) friend about this person, but keep in mind what your goal is when speaking to her, and keep the conversation positive.

Be well.

Answer 5

I would confront her infront of the team. Be open use professional behavior, but be frank with her about her behavior. This tears apart a team quicker than anything else, because she could paint you as a hot temper meanie that treats her unfairly. Remind her and your other team members what a team really is, and that cooperation takes every member to work together.. I hate gossip and whining. If you have an issue tell the person, be nice but tell them directly. It may be very wise for you to always have someone else you trust with in hearing range when you deal with this person.

Answer 6

No, don't call people names.
If you are her boss, take her into you office and tell her, she works for you, and will give you the courtesy of answering my questions and you will not talk about me behind my back.
If you have a mutual boss, go to that boss and talk about a solution, not a person.
If you are equals, then you need to tell her that her behavior is unprofessional and harassing, and you both need to work together to create a good environment in which to work. Tell her and then don't back down. Keep a record of her bad behavior and use it to take to your boss or her boss for action.
No one has to put up with hostile people in the work place, but don't YOU be hostile.
She is using emotional blackmail to control you, make you feel inferior .
Be the boss. Assert yourself or you will be run over. Stay calm and professional.

Answer 7

If you have hiring/firing authority, I would suggest taking the steps necessary to terminate her. And remind her that what she is doing most likely constitutes slander. If you're not in a position to hire or fire, talk to management and insist something be done. Watch what you say (can't blame you for wanting to) as it could possibly be used to impede the firing process. She just needs to go, there's too many people out of work that would love to take her place.

Answer 8

No, I would not say those words to her, because it stoops down to her level.

However, I would have a very calm meeting with her. And I do emphasize CALM!!! Find out what are some of the issues and phrase it in a way that you are looking for a solution to the problems between the two of you.

Answer 9

Next time something like this happens, try to sit down with her in some private place (not a cubicle) and ask her just what's going on.

Answer 10

you should tell her that the only way your work relationship is going to work that you have to be honest with each other. Tell her that things can't be fixed or changed if you don't communicate what the problems are. She needs to learn that without this communication there is always going to be problems