My host student is terribly homesick. What can I do?

Question

This is my first time hosting. My host daughter is here for 10 months and all of a sudden, she is so sad and crying. I know that this is a difficult time-- being away from home over the holidays. Is there anything I can do to help?

Answer 1

First, has this been ongoing or is it new? Just because you are only seeing it now, does not mean it hasn't been going on. It just means she's comfortable enough with you to let you see.

If it's been ongoing, I would suggest that she has been communicating with home too much already. People who have not hosted don't understand that constant communication with home makes things MUCH harder. Their bodies are here; their hearts are still there. Once a week is really too much! And, this includes Internet chatting, e-mails, etc.

If it is something that is quite recent, it may be triggered by the holidays or perhaps something special she is missing from home (a birthday or other celebration). You need to ask.

There is also one other thing that's possible, especially if it is "sudden". It's possible there was a death or illness in her family. We've been doing this for 12 years -- hosting and repping -- and it is quite common for the kids NOT to tell their host parents there is a problem at home. For some reason, many of them, no matter how close to their host families they are, think they need to handle this on their own.

Once you find the cause, you can work on the cure. If she's talking to home to much, stop. If it's a specific event, have her talk to the person involved and give them good wishes. If it is a death or illness, this is much more serious and you will definitely need to get the organization involved.

You will also need to get them involved if things don't turn around soon.

In the meantime, to help things along -- keep her occupied. The worse time for homesickness is when you are by yourself. Don't let her be! Even if it's just sitting around talking with a cup of tea, keep her mind occupied. Help with decorating, help with homework, play a game.

And, one final note. If you get past CHristmas OK ... don't sit back! Many of the kids get more homesick over New Years because they are used to huge celebrations and parties -- something the underage crowd doesn't get here!

Answer 2

I was a host group rep for a couple years-and we had to have some training on how to deal with home sickness-so call your 'rep'. There should be 'group meetings' of all the local students from the same agency every couple of months-with and without the 'host parents' so that the students can share their feelings without worrying about offending the new families. Call your rep or the 'agency' office immediately-do not delay on this or the student can be affected enough to get sent home ahead of schedule.
Sometimes even getting a 'care package' from her 'home' family can trigger a homesickness-OR-it can help cure it!
Help HER make a 'care package' of things from your area to send back home to her family-include photos, etc. so that she can get involved in letting her family know what is going on over here. She may just feel like her real family has forgotten about her.

Answer 3

She has been there for 10 months already, or she will be there a total of 10 months? That is important to know how far along she is on the program.

I am currently abroad, (from the US to Turkey) and I am also experiencing the homesickness, but I think there a few different types of homesickness- and you need to figure out which one she is experiencing first.

1. (my type) stems from not being home in a really long time, years of boarding school, years of college, I just miss home, even when I am at my home university. The fact that I have lived with other students in dorms for the past 7.5 years pretty much makes me an expert on the subject of homesickness, and what kids go through, as I have been there time and time again for all my friends experiencing it.

2. Something could be wrong at home. when i get calls from home, about my siblings fighting, or my distant relatives getting sick, or losing a job, it makes me wish i weren't out in the world enjoying myself, when my family is stuck home- or maybe she things if she were home, she could help. This is a guilty type of homesickness, and probably not the root of the cause.

3. another scenario could be aging parents, sometimes being away from them makes you realize how fragile they are, and how short-lived your relationship with them could be. Being away allows you to realize that you miss them and love them, and perhaps you grow guilty at the fact, that upon realization of this- you aren't near them to show them.

4. THE MOST COMMON type of homesickness- is felt by those who have really never been far from home, for an extended period. This is also the first type of homesickness one experiences, before they go through the other types I've talked about above.

In this case, these are the kids that can turn to their families for help, in any situation, be it moral support or to borrow money for shopping. In this case- the homesickness, though sad- IS GOOD! It helps the individual grow up, learn to strike their own roots, and depend on themselves. Though all kids like to think they are independent, it is a completely different experience to test your independence.
She needs to realize, that she has made it, she can survive on her own, but the fact that she loves/misses her family is a great thing, and once she goes back, she will be able to once again depend on them for support.

And it is great that you are there for her!

Also- you could try doing something for her holidays, but that might make her miss home more. Instead, I suggest showing her all about your holidays (even if it is similar) show her what stories and custom behind yours makes it different, and also ask her to tell you about some of her customs and holiday stories... maybe by finding similarity in your cultures, she will feel not so far away from home, as the universe is all connected.

For example a German Christmas vs. an American Christmas is really different, but so awesomely related!
Or a Muslim country’s Eid/bayram celebrations this year are almost the same time of Christmas, so you can share about that.

Good luck.

Answer 4

You did not say what country she was from, but this should work for most situations.
First can you schedule some time for relatives from her country to call? What happens is that the family back home is going about their business, they miss her, but it is easy to overlook someone who is overseas, with work, shopping, car broke down, day to day problems, etc.
Not sure if you can communicate with the parents, but on the call they would need to be supportive, say how proud they are of her and how getting this experience was such a good idea. Then ask her a lot of questions about what she has learned, what she likes and dislikes etc.
Are there people from her country in the area? She may need contact with another family from the same country. It takes away the homesickness and they will be supportive of her decision as they at one time new to the area.
A restaurant, chuch, social club, festivals, etc are good places to start.
a>

Answer 5

Distraction is usually best. There are also things that may make her feel closer to home. Projects. Try having her make a video to send home, sure the video is for them but she also gets to feel she is sending part of herself there ... it makes you feel more connected. Try a webcam, this often works wonders and they are cheap and relatively easy to install ... hell, you can even send them one cheaply.
As for the holiday, if it is a truely unique culture, make sure she is able to bring her customs into the holiday ... INSIST ON IT!!! Help her make the holiday hers as well as yours.
There is always my sisters (I have four) favorit ... SHOPPING!

Getting involved, which you likely are, is the best way to handle it. Keep them in motion with one thing or another but be careful to allow personal time as well. Phone calls, videos, letters, webcams all work wonders .... I have been away from my family and friends far more than I like to recall and will again in the future (military) and those things always help ... start with a letter home ... then work into the rest (My personal favorite is the webcam ... it's a RIGHTNOW kind of connection :)
If none of that works, chalk it up as a life lesson and just be there for her when she needs you. that may sound harsh but none of us can work miracles.

Answer 6

Try to celebrate the holidays as if you/she where in her home country. Use the appropriate food...decorations..and so on. Then arrange for that all-important Christmas morning phone call back to her family. Of course all of this is presuming she celebrates this time of year.

Good Luck.

Answer 7

just be understanding and patient. try not to judge and try to distract her. get her busy and making friends locally..joining a local activity group or volunteer work should help her think more positively

Answer 8

Talk to her about it. Be a shoulder for her to lean on. Encourage her to call her family and send pictures to them.

Answer 9

Send her home and the next time, don't get such a young, emotionally immature child to host. It's not worth destroying YOUR holiday because she is immature.