i caught my hubby with a lady in a hotel. What should i do to gain my confidence back?

Question

i caught him in a hotel and i attacked him.I'm so down and after 2 weeks now, i'm still feeling angry. I'm worried if my marriage fail. What should i do to gain my confidence and forgive him? How can i not kick him whenever he come close to me?i'm confused!

Answer 1

don't listen to those who have never been cheated on, I was once one of those people who said "If I ever caught my man cheating, he'd be dead"....yeah..um..its a lot different when you actually face it in reality. It's only been two weeks, its still fresh, try not to make any decisions yet. This time right now is all about you. Go do something you like to do. Figure out who you are and what you want. If you find you still want to work it out then seek marriage counseling. But know if you decide to forgive him you cannot bring it up...you have to completely let go. I'm not saying forget, but you can't hold it over his head for the rest of his life and it will take a very long time to trust him again. And forgiveness is a daily thing...not a one time thing. If you ever need to chat just to vent...please im me.

Answer 2

You should stop putting this off as if it is your fault. Stop rescuing him. Stop letting him make you think that you were so inadequate that he had to cheat. Stop excusing what he did.

Pick yourself up. Realize that it is his fault and not yours--if you were performing your "wifely duties" regularly (at least 3 times a week--or whatever works for you both). If you were not, then you need to start, because men have very strong desires that wives must satisfy regularly.

Are you willing to make this relationship work? Or are you just not quite ready to let it go?

Making this work means TOTAL forgiveness. Can you do that? It means never bringing it up again! Never! Not even in the worst argument.

Is he going to do it again? There is a great possibility, especially if you don't know why he did it in the first place. If you do know why he did it and you BOTH are not willing or able to change, then it will definitely happen again.

It's not you that should be worried about your marriage failing, it is he that should worry.

He will have to give you time to heal. You have to figure out the best way for you to heal. This could work as a bonding period for you two.

Whatever you do, don't let it become a thing where you have him believing that it's your fault. He's a man and will take that to mean, "You can do it again and I'll keep taking you back." I'm not trying to bash men, it's just that they think differently than women do.

Answer 3

Hello? Hon, your marriage is already gone. If marriages are Admiration, Respect, Passion and Trust, the trust is gone with the passion getting shared, as the guy was pronging some other babe. And just in case you can't figure it out, you'd have to be nuts to have any admiration or respect for a man like this. So, sweets, your marriage is over.

Betrayal is unforgivable, sorry. Ask any counselor. They will tell you that only 20% of marriages survive betrayal 2 years, and this is with both in counseling, and both want to save it. The taste of betrayal never goes away, and in the end, erodes whatever your marriage was. 20% is an F in school, sweets, and for sure an F in life.

What to do? Leave, file, move, whatever. And for sure get into counseling for a few sessions to get your head back on straight.... PPPPSSSTtttt. This ain't the first time he has cheated on you hon.... maybe just the first time you caught him. I promise you, you don't want the dude back, unless your self-esteem is in a wagon wheel rut, and you don't think you deserve any better.

Answer 4

If you really love him, then give him one more chance. Tell him that if it happens again, then you are done for good. Set some ground rules and if he accepts them and wants to move forward, then great. One thing you can do is go to marriage counseling. The counselor can not only help you can self-confidence back, but can also discover what were the underlying reasons for why he did what he did. As awful as his actions were, perhaps there was a reason behind it. If you can discover the real answer and correct it, then you should never have to worry about him cheating again. Good luck

Answer 5

Girl, I feel for you. I really don't understand why we, as women, give men that have the balls to do this ANOTHER chance to do it. Most women I know will stay for another betrayal or two. You can gain your confidence back by realizing you are a beautiful, funny, caring, intelligent woman that has a LOT to offer and that your husband was a selfish, coniving pr*ck! People can change if they really want to, but most don't, just so you know. If he's really sorry, and loves you and is willing to make his life an open book from here on out accounting for every place he goes, who he sees, and what he does then you might be able to make it, but if not, then it's over, and when you've caught him again and again, you'll "get it". I say you need to focus on YOU now. I don't feel he deserves forgiveness, but that is your call. When the trust is gone, though, it's very very hard to get back. I think you deserve someone that loves you and respects you enough to keep his wedding vows, but that's just my two cents. Good luck, and keep your chin up. You deserve more than this and YOU know it. It's up to you to demand it and go out there and get it though.

Answer 6

Your statement begs too many other illogical questions.

[1] How did you know he was there?

[2] How did you get in?

[3] If they heard someone at the door, why were they still in bed?

And so on.

To understand your overall goofiness, let's take a look at some of your other questions, shall we?

And I quote:

"If i am selling candy, how do i count my daily intake?"

"Does anyone knows a good ghost websites?"

"I'm just curious,what is 'Word Of Tongue'?"

"Why is it hard to make a living in here?"

and the instant classic,

"Can a fat person take a flight?"

Maybe less Y-A for you, and more finishing up that high school GED program.

Answer 7

Go ahead and kick him. He deserves all that you can do. It will be very hard for you to forgive him, I read your 360 page and some of your questions and you seem to be a smart, beautiful, motivated lady. I would not worry so much about forgiving him for a while. Give this time to resolve itself.

Answer 8

look.. its your marriage.. and marriage is not a joy ride.. you will go through things.. good and bad things... him being unfaithful to u is a part of marriage that has and can break ur marriage. but thats a choice YOU AND ONLY YOU NEED TO MAKE!!! you need to look deep into your heart and make a decision and hope you dont regret it... talk to your husband... ask him the questions that are in your heart... and if you forgive him make sure he really does regret doing what he did and make sure it doesnt happen again.. but if you decide to forgive him.. go ahead and forgive but dont forget! not saying that you shouldnt trust him, you should indeed give him a bit of trust little by little. and don't accuse him

Answer 9

You need to work on one or the other. Either gain your confidence back or forgive, doing both at the same time is too much of an overload. May I suggest working on your confidence first, since you don't have to be in a big hurry to forgive him....let him sweat it out for a while longer.
Make yourself feel better, then you can work on forgiveness.

Answer 10

first thing you have to do is realize that him being in a hotel room with some skank has nothing to do with you. It is no reflection on you as a wife or a woman. He just sounds like a total DOG!
Have you thought about gaining enough conficence to leave his cheating @ss? You do not need to gain the confidence to stay with him..........You should gain the confidence to leave him. You deserve better.