If you have a miserable middle-aged child who doesn't stay in touch, do you remain uninvolved?

Answer 1

I will not try to make it all better or solve all their problems for them. But I do stay in touch and give them moral support whether they want it or not.

Answer 2

There must be a reason your miserable middle aged child is unhappy. Perhaps he/she is a depressive in that case she/he needs support. Does she/he have an issue with you as a parent? Then be open minded admit to your wrongs and explain your point of view. I would say that you have some issues or you wouldnt label your own child "miserable". I can be sure there are ways for you to grow closer and be a better parent. Children no matter what the cause will always love their parents. Try harder. It will be worth it. And the other advice is great be there if they need you and try not to pass judgement just be there for her/him to lend a listening ear. Good luck.

Answer 3

This question just hit me hard. I have a large family, 7 brothers and 2 sisters. One sister moved away 30 years ago and has not been home since, she left us. The rest of us stayed close and see each other on a regular basis. We tried to reach her but she would not reach back.

I got a telephone 2 days ago that she died. It was a blood clot to her lung from a bruise on her leg. I always loved my sister I always wanted her to come home. I always wanted to be able to go visit her. I will mourn her forever, I lost her a long time ago.

Never give up on someone you love. I believe my sister had some deep dark secret that she could not share or there was form of mental illness.

I have lost 2 other siblings as well so there are only 7 of us left. I say thank God for large families.

Answer 4

I think apart from sending Birthday and Christmas cards I would be inclined to remain uninvolved, they clearly don't want to keep in touch so why torture yourself trying to, but on th other hand , the reason they are misserable would make me choose my options.....they might have good reason to be miserable, so if that was the case I would go all out to stay involved......I would be very very sad indeed if this happend to me, my kids are my life

Answer 5

I am not going to berate you for your wording in this question. You were brave enough to ask this question, I give you a lot of credit for that. This is a very painful situation as anyone who is in a similar situation can attest to.

Yes I remain uninvolved. However, in my case there are grandchildren involved also. I am keeping a Journal for them, photos of the past and of family members long gone. I tell stories of their Great Great Grandparents, just anything I can remember for them. It is their history too... I put in cards for the birthdays, with little notes in them, dated. I haven't quite decided what to do about Christmas's yet... I'm thinking I might make a donation in their name each year and include the card for that, I say this as they have no need of $$ for the future (lots of other family investing for them). I guess it's called a memory keeper as I might no be around by the time they can contact me... but I want them to know that they are everyday in my thoughts and I love them dearly. My Child's decision as an adult is hers to live with... it does effect me in big ways, but it was not my decision. I kinda have to let go and let God! But by God, I will do what I can for these children so that they will in some way know how very much I have missed and love them!

Answer 6

I couldn't stand it!

I would probably get some notecards that I thought were particularly suited to my offspring, and then once a week, drop a few lines with some light communication (even though I'd be panicking, thinking "I'm afraid you're going to die if you don't pull out of this!"), maybe talking a little about non-threatening issues (something interesting that happened, or is in the works, and do you want to go with me?) -- just little stuff.

And end with something like:
"Always thinking of you!
Lots of love,
Mom"

Answer 7

No , I don't, and I think a child you have raised and nurtured Should give you the piece of mind just to let you know everything is all right with you and them . Here is my theory I don't ask her any question, she will tell me what she thinks I should know,, I never comment on her life style, even when she is dating someone I don't approve of,Its hard but, then if you think back to your Independence and how you yourself wanted to make your own decisions, It might give you some comfort, I only wish back then I had someone to care about me,. life in my early years might have been more of a happier time for me, Don't forget the power of prayer

Answer 8

Sorry to hear about your miserable child - what made them like that? Maybe they are in need of medical or emotional help?? Have you tried everything to help?? If it was something you did - fix it - whatever it takes.

Keep in mind the serenity poem: "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference."

Answer 9

No. Not if you are a loving parent. Instead, you kindly and gently let said "miserable middle-aged child" know that you are still there, still concerned and always available for coffee chats and other needs. (Your kid could be a free-loader....you are really lucky!)

Answer 10

I have one child who is a single parent and has a stressful job that changes shifts often. He is on call 24/7. So I email him. Call occasionally but leave him to his life. I prefer that to being a guilt tripping, unpleasant addition to his full life. Plus his children are teens and preteen.

Answer 11

no you should be there for the child no matter what
don't force yourself
but be open to any relationship you can have
maybe just pick up the phone once in a while just to say hi
and how are you
the relationship will form on it's own