My husband and I have been married for 6 years. We have a total of 9 kids, 7 of them at home, ranging from 21 to 3 years old. My husband is retired, but still works a new full time job. I handle the finances,we are financially secure. The problem is that my husband is a sports official on his side time. Basketball season begins during the holidays, in which he is gone at least 2 to 3 nights of the week, often staying out late. This is very stressful for me. I am exhausted from taking care of all the kids and the house. I have asked him to please stop refereeing basketball. he says this is his favorite sport and refuses to give it up, in spite of my tears and pleads. He says the more I tell him not to do it the more he is willing to fight me. I am so upset, I don't feel anything but tired. I am sure he is not cheating, the money he makes out of refeering 3 sports he brings to me. I doubt his love since he is willing to give up our marriage for his own cause. Please help me.
2007-11-28 21:04:13 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Almost all women are sure their man isn't cheating and all women are wrong. You have 9 children so you have to be at least 47 and you haven't learned any facts of life?!?!? How is that possible? I guess you are never too old to learn, here are a few facts you need to learn quickly:
1. There is no Santa
2. All men cheat, almost all women cheat
3. Marriage sucks (moving in is the same as marriage)
4. Everyone lies (you even lie to yourself)
5. Life is not fair
Good luck and Happy Holidays. Email me
if you want honest answers from a man that doesn't
lie anymore.
2007-11-29 00:40:48 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First you should realize that his desire to do the refereeing is not meant to hurt you, but is something he enjoys. Everyone needs to be able to spend time doing something they enjoy. From his perspective you are being irrational because he doesn't understand what the problem is. If you are financially secure, consider getting a housekeeper to help you around the house so you aren't so drained. Then take up a hobby of your own outside the house. It sounds like you could use a night out as well. I would also strongly urge you both to leave the 21 year old in charge of the kids and have a date night once a week. You are in need of re-connecting.
2007-11-28 21:33:37 · answer #2 · answered by Kanga2roos 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yikes... I'm not sure what to say to you. He is being childish with this "the more you tell him not to, the more he will"... that attitude has got to go. Is there anyway you can sit down together and work out a solution of compromise?? Could he maybe knock down the amount of time he's gone.. perhaps just 1 or 2 times a week versus 3 or 4??? Honestly, if he is not willing to compromise, then I would suggest Marriage Councelling. It's definitely not fair to leave you with 9 children while he goes out and is having fun. Either that, or you take up a hobby and you go out a the few nights a week that he is home and see how he likes it....I typically don't like playing those kind of games, but maybe he needs a little of his own medicine to wake up!!! Best of luck to you....
2007-11-28 21:14:06 · answer #3 · answered by Racer 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are financially situated, maybe you could find a sitter to stay with the kids a few times during the basketball season so you too can get out a bit.
I think with 7 kids, a person has to have some relief. If he is not involved with a bunch of other activities and constantly gone, what's the harm in him having this activity? I can imagine the stress he is under in needing to support his family, caring for his children and his wife (not to suggest you do not have stress).
I think both of you deserve some outside activities to relieve some of the pressure. If this is the only thing that takes him out of the house, what's the harm? Everybody deserves a break.
2007-11-28 21:10:51 · answer #4 · answered by Think! 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The kids at home need to be more responsible for themselves if they are old enough. Maybe the 21 year old can help you a little bit. The fact he is doing something he loves,making money at it and giving you the money is great. It is not like he is gambling or drinking. Have a night out as a couple. I think there is another way for this issue to be resolved than him quitting basketball. Good luck.
2007-11-28 23:33:45 · answer #5 · answered by Dani Bosco 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well honey, I feel sorry for you. Of course 9 kids drive you crazy. I have a hard time with 2. But this is typical. Yes you are financially secure thanks to the fact that he is using work and side time sports as a way to stay away from all the stress of raising a huge family. Believe me, going to work is party time compared to raising 9 kids! It seems you need a break. Maybe you should take a week long vacation all by yourself and tell your husband to take of of work and watch the kids by himself just for one week. When you come back he will be happy to go back to work and you can pick up the pieces from the chaos he will leave behind.
2007-11-28 21:14:05 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It doesnt sound like a marriage in trouble but a housewife asking for her own night out away from the house and kids. Just take up a class at the nearby college or art store or something one nite a week and youll feel much better. Even volunteer at a local hospital, just anything to break the everyday rut youre in. Its really not too much to ask considering all the stress youre under, he should understand. Happy Holidays
2007-11-28 21:50:58 · answer #7 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i don't think any husband in the world should go out three times a week when he has a family. He is being selfish.
Personally, I'd tell him to stick his money where the sun don't shine, because nothing can replace his love. But then, men cna't cope with nagging women, either.
You have a decision to make. These are not only your children, they also need their father around. Ask him to compromise - cut it down to two nights refereeing - one night a week on his own, and then the other night, you get a babysitter and go with him? (Yes, that could kill me too to waste a night at basketball, but we all have to make sacrifices - and so should he.)
2007-11-28 21:32:40 · answer #8 · answered by True Blue Brit 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
With 9 kids I can imagine that you are very tired. But I agree with some of the answers that I read. You are financially secure so hire a baby sitter and have some you time and do something that you love. I could not live knowing I ask my partner to give up something he loved if there was an option for him to keep doing it. I know I don't want to give up something I love. In marriage people have to have time to do the things that they love if you try to keep them from it the will rebel just like your husband is doing.
Hire a babysitter, go do something you like to do and unwind girl. Life is to short to be miserable and you are making yourself more miserable. Best of luck to you
2007-11-28 22:24:22 · answer #9 · answered by rene1695 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He has gotto take responsibilities for his own kids. On one of the nights that he doesn't play basketball, find something for you to do. Show him how hard it is to look after the kids on your own. Men really do not understand that because usually when they are at home with the kids, we are there with them. On the nights that you have plans, don't cook dinner, or have the kids home work done etc. Maybe if he realises how difficult it is he will come to a compromise.
If that fails, I would pack the kids up, and take them to watch him ref. I would let them disturb him, and when he complains tell him the kids wanted to see him.
Good luck. It is a really hard reality that a lot of women face.
2007-11-28 21:17:03 · answer #10 · answered by Ang H 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋