Which is more important, love or honoring your mother?

Question

I come from a strong, strict, catholic (and western) background. I grew up in an area where unfortunately racism is still a major problem. My mother has always actively fought against racism and has instilled in me the same tolerance. 2 Years ago I left home for university in canada, a country MUCH more culturely diverse than home. I met and fell deeply in love with a palestian man. I love everything about him, his culture, his family, I've even learned to speak quiet a bit of arabic! I've been accepted by his family which is a HUGE deal bc they are very traditional in that they dont beleive in dating (his older sister had an arranged marriage). The problem: my mom, the same woman who taught me my whole life not to judge refers to him as a terrorist...she has never met him (bc she lives in a different country) She has never said it in a hateful tone, always jokingly, but i know she would NEVER accept any racial slurrs to be uttered in her house, even jokingly.

We've been talking alot abpout marriage lately and we're both positive its what we want.... but I know it isnt what my mom would want. Although i dont agree with her, do I owe it to the woman who selflessly raised me to not marry the man with whom i am truly in love?

Answer 1

I am not racial or communal, however, a couple of my acquaintances/friends have married arabs and are suffering. They were different before marriage. They would give all the liberty and love to the girl. However, soon after their traditions started interfering in their happiness. The family too became adamant that the girls follow their customs.

Your mother's fears are not unfounded.

If you truly love your man, it is upto you to convince your mom. She has to see that this man is different (if you are absolutely sure).

Answer 2

Perhaps if you actually sit down and have a truly serious discussion with your mother and lay it all out on the table, your feelings for your b/f, your fears and hurt over her behavior, his family, and finally your intentions. It could turn out that she would be more accepting than what you would originally thought. Sometimes people say things that are so hurtful and mean to others, and don't have a clue what they're actually doing to others feelings. Your mother loves you unconditionally, so even if she doesn't agree with your choice of spouse, she will always love you, so I think that irregardless, you should marry whomever you want! Good luck!

Answer 3

Your mother isn't the one who picks out your boyfriends is she? Your free to date whom ever you chose. Kindly remind her that the greatest thing she ever gave you was how not to be racist and how to judge a person by their character and not their race. More than likely she won't be able to counter that with something indignant and if she does let her know how bad the name calling makes you feel and that you are serious about this guy and you would hate for this to create a rift between the both of you because you love them both. Truth be told there are a lot of "closet racist out there and without having to call her that your giving her an easy out by telling her what I wrote and that hopefully you can be as good of a Mother as she is someday. Oh please, you've got to let me know how this works out. Both me and my best friend married interracial, me with Asian and she Arab and they have a home in Kuait and the U.S. and now have three beautiful children. Just remember to discuss things with him regarding where you will live afterward and know that in his country should you go there, a woman has no rights at all. This was something I had to think about when I was proposed to by an Arab, too strict for me. Good luck to you though.

Good luck to you

Answer 4

You do not honor your mother by giving up the love of your life. She is not the one that has to live with him. I would tell her that you do not appreciate the things that she says about him. You can tell people how you feel and that you will not accept certain behavior from them respectfully. Just because they are our parents or family we do not have to take what they give. You have to make yourself happy. No one else is going to do that for you. The woman that taught you not to be racist is a hypocrite. If you want to marry him that is what you need to do.

Answer 5

You got to follow your heart. The Mom will come around, she'll come to see the great man you've married for who he is.

And if she doesn't -- her loss.

But who you marry is Your decision.

Answer 6

Do what makes you happy. If your mom loves you, she would want nothing less for you. <3 It's really as simple as that.

Answer 7

Your mom is entitled to her opinion, as are you. It's not about right and wrong. Make a compromise.

Answer 8

Please do not go with a Arab. They are fine for few years after marriage. Then they flip thier personatily.
Of couse, there are expection.

But If I were your brother - I would ask you not.

Answer 9

honestly, your mom would love you, but she needs to understand your feelings and support you.

but i know that this is not easy.

good luck.