Please advice for my Married life and help me live a better life with my hubby?

Question

married for nine months now.Ours is love marriege.we ran away from home got married but no place to live choosed brides fathers home to stay and still in same place all rent and bills are payed by father. Mostly borrowed money from my father only and father gave reception party also.We had no money beginning of marriage. myself and hubby goes to work 9 to 6pm.I earn 2,000 and my hubby 4,000.Like every wife i am not dependent on my hubby but only to help me reach my work and back.His money is mostly spent buying things and returning dues from others.We live very luxurious life, car and eating habits.My husbands family never cared for us anyways but when struggling marriage came to a stand still i found my hubby maintening good relations with his family. He hides a lot from me and wants me to trust him.Even his friends back bited him but he is good to eveyone and fights with me if i argue.he plays a good character with my family and blames me daily and says he is not a dog..!

I have guided my husband for this stage of life from bad face to good. I look 110% more to live this marriage.I used my educational masters credentials to get started with work and earn a little to save and proceed with happy life.My husband plays two roles in my life one good and sincere other he is cruel and uses bad language as he is not from a educated family for he is educated.He lied for everything and made me love hima nd marry him.Also he is a divorcee.But i Loved him inspite of everything.My parents are not aware nor my friends are aware of my true side of marriage.All that glitters is not gold.But i am unable to take any decision for this marriage as i am emotionally attached and wanted to make this marriage an example of success as its all my effort to make this marriage stand high of rest at the moment by compromising a lot which my husband couldnt give me.

Please advice me how to deal with this conditions and remain happy and when to go for children as i have been taking contraceptives to avoid till me and my husband gets settled.Love respect and trust one another and learn to live.And can give better life ahead to children.

Answer 1

Treat your husband as you want to be treated. Be kind, caring, sharing, giving, selfless, tolerant, patient, understanding, have unconditional love, be slow to anger and quick to forgive.

Answer 2

You should talk to him and tell him that him hiding tings from you is really upsetting you. If you can't talk to each other like adults then there is something wrong with you marriage. Don't start the conversation by shouting or critisising him.

Remain calm and be clear on what you want to get out of the conversation before going in. (1) I have linked a guide to assertiveness below. Remember to not be passive, but also to avoid being aggressive.

I see that your sense of independence is important to you and that you seem to be happy with your current position in life. Really sit back and ask yourself what you like and what you don't like about how you life is going. Imagine proactive way in which you can address the problems in your life.

You seem somewhat conflicted about what you truly believe about your husband. Just because his friends see a different side of him doesn't mean it's right- doesn't mean it's wrong either. What's important is how he treats you.

If he blames you for a situation clearly ask him to explain himself, use assertiveness. Don't act bitchy or make smart comments. A marriage requires both people to love and respect one another, by playing the victim or attacking your partner you only end up hurting both of you equally.

Answer 3

Not really much info here. Starting out the way you did is not the best way, but if you truely love one another it will work, WITH WORK! Marriage is not the end, it is the begining of alot of daily work, to start with both of you should be in counseling, better late than never, you apparently have the funds for it, so what is keeping you? If you are thinking of him and his needs and he is doing the same for you, you both would be fine. Go to counseling, tell him, either that or you legally seperate, unless you want to continue this way. That is up to you. You both need to go.

Answer 4

it is my humble suggestion that marriages are made in Heaven therefore it should be preserved at all costs. generally women are more tolerant than men. however, men also become tolerable and understanding once they become father and burdened with the responsibility of upbringing of child. in your case, u have 2 b more tolerant and give him moral and physical support to get over the toughest period of life. once u r settled in life, everything will b smooth. i have undergone the same situation as yours. nowadays i regret that i could not give more love and affection to my wife at the initial days of marriage. i sincerely hope that one day ur hubby will also have the same feeling and double his love and affection towards u. in the meanwhile, the initial 4-5 years will be hard and demanding time. try to get best out of this. remain calm.

Answer 5

Madam,
Be prepared for harsh words. Your undestanding of marriage and married life is skewed. Love has nothing to do with harsh realities of life. I am 54, male and married at that. I should know. Romanticism of marriage is short lived. Dont try to stretch it's life artificially.
I do not want to discourage you. I just wanted you to understand the true meanings of life. You seem intelligent girl but with misplaced priorities. You are bound to fail in your endevours. But you have capacity to come out of it. Make decisions. Best luck.

Answer 6

Its difficult for you to lead a happy life as your husband never wants to compromise with things, and simultaneously he is playing 2 roles.He never wants to live without his family and simultaneously he wants you to belive him. I dont think your husband is trustworthy. He can anytime ditch you as he his more attached to his family than you and he hides manythings from you. So i would prefer you not to go in for planning of children for some more time and preferably try to make him fully yours.once you are burderned with children it would be very difficult for you and you would be emotionally bound in many ways.Rest God is Great.

Answer 7

I say that you and your husband needs to be independent and save some money and buy a house and be happy. point blank.

Answer 8

In my opnion, you both make way too much money to be mooching of of your Dad. If your husband was any kind of man, he wouldn't dream of it. Another thing, if your husband had any respect for you as his wife, he would back you up 100%. Maybe it's time you told him that.

Answer 9

Briefly speaking; we need to ensure that all our work and actions and performances help us; with the seven marriage vows

A) To gain those things in life which are not only important to live life but which would also be able to drive and motivate all alike including the self to build happiness in the life of self.

B) To strenghten and firmly resolve the nature of self to drive the self to work hard for empowering the intellectual, mental and spiritual powers of self in self .

C) To aim at achieving prosperity; but strictly in the ways, styles, images and identities of the qualities and abilities of goodness only and nothing else.

D) To learn and practise to seek, know, adopt, use and apply the abilities of love, respect and honour only and only for understanding people places and things outside.

E ) To learn and practise to seek, know, adopt, use and apply the confidence of self for increasing and improving the knowledge of self and for establishing relationships of happiness and mutual co operations and coordinations only.

F) To learn and practise to seek, know, adopt, use, and apply knowledge of self for building the healthiness of nature in the nature of self ; the goodness of nature in the charecter of self ; and the fearlessness of nature in the mind, heart and consciousness of self ; and for enabling and empowering the self with them and the actions and activities of them only for performing actions of and for fulfilling the duties and responsibilities of self .

G) To learn and practise to seek, know, adopt, use and apply knowledge of self for bonding the self with faith only and for ensuring that the committments, devotions, dedications of self are mutual; towards the other partner through out the life of self; as well as in other bondages of self with the world outside.

Answer 10

maybe his pride is a little hurt. things will get better when you get your own place
I'm sure he loves his family why is that wrong