Alright my boyfriend stopped using me for sex and started behaving more like a proper man.Now he wants to get married and right after have kids.I really love him but i don't want kids and i don''t wanna marry him cause hes only been like a gentleman for one week and i don't know if he'll change his ways.How can i tell him i don't wanna marry him and i don't wanna EVER have kids,Without hurting or offending him?
2007-11-28 17:17:42 · 16 answers · asked by rosieluvsromance1 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Tell him that you indeed do love him and that if things continue to go well, marriage could be a possibility (just not in the immediate future). If he really wants kids and you really don't, maybe you two won't go very far to worry about marriage. Having kids is such a strong subject for most people and if your choice greatly differs from your partner, and without one of you swaying on your beliefs only shattered dreams, broken hearts and angry words lay ahead. Good luck to you!!
2007-11-28 17:29:12 · answer #1 · answered by Veronica-is-not-my-name 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just let him know that you are not ready right now, and that children are the furthest thing from your mind as well....
If it offends him TOUGH TOMATOES! YOU have the right to your future plans and ideas for life, too... if you want to get married later, after he proves he can act decent, then tell him that you'd like to wait for at least a year or two (or whatever you think) for marriage...
And if you feel you don't want children at all, then tell him that, too.
Just because we love someone, doesn't mean we are compatible or want the same things all of the time. There is also a thing called compromise, and it might work in your situation.
take care.
2007-11-29 01:44:12 · answer #2 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let him know that you love him (if you do) and let him know that you feel that he is rushing things. Tell him that you are not going no where that there is no reason to rush things and that you rather take things slow and cherish every moment.
In a marriage you have to compromise. Have at least 2 kids but let him know it will be no time soon. Me and my boyfriend been together 3yrs and 4month we are not married yet but he tell me i am not going no where, he considers me wifey and i consider him my hubby. He wants kids i said he will have to wait like 10 yrs but i try just to say u have to wait some time because 10yrs is a lot or time will tell when we are ready. Try to look at having kids as a positive things.
Or just let him know that you do not really want kids and that it will take you sometime to get use to the idea. Be opened minded. You do love him right? You do not want him to go to someone else who is will have no problem having kids? Is worth it to u? Do you love him enough to look at having kids as a positive thing?
2007-11-29 02:12:40 · answer #3 · answered by Miss thing 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This may have been unexpected. Enjoy it while it lasts. Actually, I think you will have to tell your boyfriend right upfront what your opinion is.
However, my experience has thought me that we change with time.
Give this whole thing one more thought. Think of yourself 10 years from now. Who or what will you want to be?
If you have found true love, it would be worth making it last. You may tell your boyfriend you need some time. That will not hurt his feelings.
If you are unsure of the relationship, being blunt might help.
Hope this helps.
2007-11-29 01:42:31 · answer #4 · answered by babasbhakta 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be honest. Tell him how you feel. Tell him that you think it really will take X amount of time for you to consider it (6 months min. If he is NOT really changed it will all go sick and wrong before that) and that you dont ever, ever, ever want kids. The ball is then in his court.
2007-11-29 01:21:37 · answer #5 · answered by Abolir Las Farc 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmm...sorry to tell you, but he isn't your perfect dude, if he is just using or was using you for sex. I would tell him it's over and I'm not marrying you, or ever having kids with you either. Your perfect dude would be a dude that loves you in every way, helps you when you need help, tells you that he loves you and means it, and other things.
2007-11-29 01:37:36 · answer #6 · answered by Jennifer 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Obviously not perfect.
One week? No. Don't marry him. He should have to prove to you that hes willing to treat you respectfully for well over just a week before you guys get married.
And stand firm on the kids question. Just tell him "I do not want to have kids" and if he doesn't accept that, you need to move on.
2007-11-29 01:22:34 · answer #7 · answered by falcon 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
ummm well i'm a guy.... to be honest to me.... there's no way of him not getting hurt.... i mean if he loves you he will be hurt! but if you plan on never to marry him ... then is better that you tell him now because he can get even more hurt later
but if you do love him, you may want to explain your situation to him, tell him that you need more time, and that you don't want kids, maybe you'll end up with some sort of agreement
2007-11-29 01:25:45 · answer #8 · answered by Lu!s 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
tact my love. . say to him that it is too early in the relationship for marraige.
and as for children. . tell him that it will be good for you two to have some fun together and that you will consider children at a later date. . if the relationship goes well and you both feel ready.
this way you are reaching a compromise and not turning him down flat.
2007-11-29 01:21:47 · answer #9 · answered by heart of ice 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The 2 of you want different things from life.
If he's baby mad and your baby phobic, how on earth are you going to make that work?
Also, if you can't be open and honest, WITHOUT A MOMENT'S HESITATION, there's something deeper wrong with the relationship.
2007-11-29 01:49:15 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋