Should I have open communication with my ex-husband about our daughter?

Question

My current boyfriend believes that there is no valid reason aside from life and death matters for me to have any communications with the father of my daughter. He says that any normal person would agree with him. Am I so off on this? Is this really how people feel about this?

Answer 1

He is still her father, even if you aren't together. So YES open communication should be happening. He shouldn't just be notified in cases of emergency, he should be a part of her every day life too, as much as it's possible. He should know how she is doing in school, what events she does in school, he should know her friends, he should be going to parent teacher conferences, not necessarily with you, but on his own anyway. Among anyother events that are happening with her. Good and bad. Your boyfriend sounds immature, and insecure.

Answer 2

It sounds like your boyfriend is feeling threatened by your relationship with your ex-husband. If he has these insecurities that is his problem so long as you are not openly having a better relationship with your ex in front of him, which is probably not the case or he wouldn't be your ex. If your boyfriend is insecure about that then it is going to be his responsibility to make HIMSELF feel better about it because that is not your responsibility.

It is ridiculous to think that you won't ever talk to your ex unless it's an emergency. Whether your boyfriend likes it or not that man will have to be a semi-permanent part of your life until your daughter is 18 at the very least. As an adult you are expected to have a mutually friendly relationship with your ex for your daughter's sake. It has nothing to do with the boyfriend. He may care a great deal about you, but this is just not his call to make here. You and your ex and your daughter and what you decide to do for your relationship as divorced, separated, (whatever, lol) parents of her has nothing whatsoever to do with this boyfriend whether he likes that or not.

If he can't "trust" you to talk to your ex, then you may need to find a better solution for who you are going to spend your life with. I'm assuming that he knew you had a daughter when he met you, which usually implies you had an ex too, and the grown up thing for him to do is to trust you and step back and let you be a big girl and make your own decisions here. Him stepping in the way of what sounds like might luckily be a pleasant ex's and yours mutual parenting relationship could possibly sabotage his relationship with your daughter in the future. If he has this many resentments toward your ex that is bound to be obvious to your daughter and whether he likes it or not she has every right to love her father, and has every right to grow up in a house that doesn't talk bad about her dad, or have constant bickering going on about your current relationship with her dad. She will pick sides, and it will be on the you and her daddy getting back together side and in speaking from personal experience on that, it's not something that can just be "undone" once the mistakes have been made. Once she picks a side and sides against your boyfriend she will interfere in your relationship with him to the point where you will have the most common step-parent relationship. The one where they NEVER get along ever.

Good luck with that, and I hope you are able to see the long term effects on your daughter that the decisions you make today will have. I didn't :(

PS I don't mean that I love my current husband any less, or that leaving your boyfriend is what you should do or anything. It's just that the repurcussions of my lack of a backbone in the past where my daughter was concerned is why we still don't get along today after seven years together. We fight over their relationship, not ours.

Answer 3

Speaking of no valid reasons. Seems to me that current boyfriend has no valid reason trying to control anything.. Talk with your daughters Dad. Have your daughter with you
and tell him that current boyfriend is trying to be a control freak. Father has rights as you know after all 50% of him got with 50% of you and 100% combined made the daughter.
Your daughter should be considered by you and her Dad foremost. She is what she is and you don't want to rip that apart.After all Dad could just got to the law and say "Hey I suspect my Daughter is not being treated well"
And guess who would be loosing. I don't know your State Laws in the matter but Dad could make a big problem. Also you may want to consider Boyfriend shopping it seems you may have a would be control freak in your hands.
I live in West Virginia and we have a saying here "Blood is thicker than water" . Good luck in this matter. jim

Answer 4

At one point in time I would have agreed with him- because I am jealous and insecure. but the older I get the more I realize that the kid needs both parents not just one.

Your child deserves the opportunity to be able to come to both of you and by not having good communication it will make it harder on the child. I don't think you need to be calling him up for no reason to just talk or talking about your current relationships or issues in the relationship. It should be civil and not too much information but more of an accquaintence type relationship.

Answer 5

If your daughter is lucky enough to have a biological father who loves her and wants to be a part of her life, it is not your boyfriends place to cut him out.

So many children are growing up without fathers. If your ex wants to be an active parent, you owe it to your daughter to give him every opportunity to do so. This includes keeping the lines of communication open when it comes to your daughter.

Your current boyfriend clearly has jealousy issues about you speaking to your ex. This is his issue. Don't let it become yours.

Answer 6

Umm yes you need to have an open communication with YOUR ex-husband about your daughter...I mean whats wrong with that...you n your husband were friends before the marriage, you guys should still have some type of friendship after the relationship...I dont understand where your boyfriend is coming from, does he have children of his own ??? If not tell him to sit on the sidelines and dont worry, you got this...you handle it the way you want honey...

Answer 7

Your boyfriend is not a good man. Don't have any children with him, if he feels this way. He thinks a father has no responsibility for his daughter's upbringing.
Even if you have broken up with your daughter's father, you need to be in continual communication with each other in order to co-parent the child. The exception would be, if he is dangerous or destructive.

Answer 8

You didn't mention how the Ex treats you when he does interact with you?
If the Ex is polite and only wants to talk about your daughter and the decisions being made then the BF can't really say anything about it, its very normal with the divorce rate you have to learn to get along or it just makes it hard on your daughter, you're asking her to chose.
If the Ex is rude and judgmental, or if he did something unforgivable to get the divorce then maybe your BF is just concerned about you and how that man treats you then maybe you need a mediator so he can't treat you badly

You have to decide whats best for you daughter, I chose to communicate, and it worked for a long time til his wife decided to judge me even though it was him that cheated
good luck

Answer 9

You are correct, your boyfriend is not - if anything, he's being selfish.

At the very least, you owe it to your daughter to maintain a cordial relationship with her father if possible. Despite the fact that you're no longer married to him, you both should want your daughter to know that her parents are willing to act like decent adults to provide her with the best childhood she should have.

If your boyfriend can't understand this, then he needs some time to grow up. He knows you have an ex-husband so he should just deal with it. His insecurity is less than flattering.

Answer 10

You should have an open discussion with your ex-husband about our daughter.

You and your husband brought a life into this world together which you both are responsible for.

You know this happened a long time before your boyfriend was on the scene.

Even if you and your ex-husband don't see eye to eye. Your daughter deserves to see normal communication between her biological parents.