Me and my boyfriend have been going out for about 7months. We are both in 30s and we are both divorced with no kids. We both want to get married if our relationship grows and find out if we are right for each other. We don't know if we are right for each other yet but we like each other very much. I introduce him to my family and my parents don't think he is right for me due to uncertainty of financial future of my boyfriend. (He works but he is not financially stable.) My parents expressed their feelings in a nice way and encouraging me to date other potential people. Honestly, I like him very much but what my parents are saying also makes sense. He has been very cautious in our relationship due to past divorce, doesn't open up with me in deep level and it feels he's distant or hegitant to make our relationship go forward. After meeting my parents, he was in shock and now he wants time to think. What does this mean?
2007-11-28 16:38:32 · 14 answers · asked by whattodo898 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Does this mean he doesn't like me enough to fight for our relationship or he wants to really evaluate our relationship to go to deeper level?
2007-11-28 16:39:46 · update #1
He's having second thoughts. Your family should have shared their opinions just with you, not with him. They scared him off.
2007-11-28 16:42:22 · answer #1 · answered by notyou311 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He probably is uncomfortable with the fact that it seems like you and your family are judging him based so much on his financial status, and isn't sure if he can deal with that kind of stress especially after already having been through one bad relationship, unless he can get some pretty strong reassurance that you care more about him than his money he probably won't want to be with you, and your parents shouldn't have shared their opinions with him in the first meeting, that's enough to scare a guy off really quick. My hubby and I have been married for seven years and my parents would never critisize him, if they have an issue they can talk to me and I can talk to him, and I made it clear from the beginning that I didn't care if he had money or not, that I cared about him no matter what, and he has still always been a good provider. Guys get freaked out if they feel like money is the most important thing to a girl, and if he is backing off, that might mean he isn't the right person for you to be with anyway. Just talk to him, be totally honest and ask the same from him, then you will know exactly where you both stand and what to do from there.
2007-11-29 00:48:21 · answer #2 · answered by lipstickcloud 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not sure where you are going with this?
If you like him go ahead and date him. If you also feel your parents are making sense, then keep your options open by not making a committment. Go out with friends, meet new people and date other guys you meet who are interesting. You don't have to decide after only 7 months whether this is going to be a permanent relationship leading to marriage. You said he is somewhat cautious so this would seem to be a very reasonable way to proceed.
If more people waited for 2 or 3 years before beginning to seriously discuss marriage, we could eliminate divorce in this country, since many "less that perfect" relationships would fade and come to an end in that amount of time.
2007-11-29 00:50:07 · answer #3 · answered by ScSpec 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is reconsidering things. Perhaps meeting the parents was too serious thing to him .. and it made him back-off .. but no one knows for sure .. but him.
Maybe you should not let him get by with this .. and go and ask him for answers.
Something got to him .. or .. it may have been there the whole time. If he has been distant & hesitant to make your relationship go forward .. then the problem probably has been there the whole time.
Why was he in shock after meeting your parents?
He is keeping you at arms length. Beware. This may be a small version of what could come in the future.
2007-11-29 00:49:52 · answer #4 · answered by Tara 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, I do not think so that he is distant or hesitant to make your relationship go forward. I think his past experience in marriage is making him more cautious. it is for your good too. Just imagine his says 'Yes' now but later on after rethinking says 'No'. Where would you stand in that case? In my opinion it is better to give him more time and freedom to make him come to a final decision. In the mean time you should also keep your options open that is by dating other potential people. Some times people are in a state of indecisiveness in other words confused. So let them be. You should at least try not be in that state of mind. Keep your options and mind open may be you will find some one, who is not so confused that is sure of himself and confident.
2007-11-29 00:52:17 · answer #5 · answered by Amar 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes he is weighing it out
and it sound like you are to
if he isn't ready to fight now he won't fight later, when a real problem happens.
if you are questioning his or your status in the relationship
move on before you get caught up in the emotional disaster that will follow
A man will fight for what he wants and believes in with all his might.
if he is so easily ready to walk away. let it go
give him all the time to think he need, and you do the same
but I wouldn't wait for him to decide that OK you are good enough now.
after 7 months he should all ready know the answers to that question
2007-11-29 00:52:16 · answer #6 · answered by working together 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why was he in shock? He needs time to think as he needs to evaluate your relationship and decide whether to continue or let it go.
It sounds as if he is not completely committed anyhow - why marry someone who you don't share a deep connection with?
2007-11-29 00:43:22 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Once burned is twice warned. That's how many divorced men feel about marriage. And depending on how recent his divorce has been. He may still be skittish about any kind of marriage. And any hint of possible marriage trouble ahead will likely make him think about it long and hard.
2007-11-29 00:52:47 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This means he does not want a lifetime of fighting with your meddling parents. Cut the cord already and live your life. You can still love and honor your parents while living your own life.
Good luck.
2007-11-29 00:49:48 · answer #9 · answered by box of rain 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
means that he is a loser and your parents nailed him and now all his cards are open and he can't lead the game. dear, if a man in his 30 isn't stable financially he never will. and it is much, much easier to find a nice, decent man when u re 30 than when u re 40. listen to your parents, their concern is very, very correct.
and for those who said a woman should provide for herself - if a woman can provide for herself why would she need a husband? single life is so much better
2007-11-29 00:48:11 · answer #10 · answered by yeahright 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋