I have been married for over nine years, it's not the best, but we do love each other, lately we have been fighting more and more. About a week ago, my first love and I began IMing each other and talked about how there could still be some feelings there. My husband and I have hung out with him since he's been back, but my "friend" and I haven't been alone, but the few times we were around each other we noticed some definate sparks. We have also considered meeting for lunch, but I am very confused, this guy and I were dating when my husband, which was a good friend, and I got together. We were on a break, I did love him very much, and my husband and I got together as a rebound thing, and the guy moved away for about nine years after we got married and has moved back.....don't know if I should risk it and start something up with the only other guy I ever loved, or just leave the past in the past. If u have any experience with something like this let me know how it worked out for you.
2007-11-28 14:56:22 · 37 answers · asked by steeler_chic 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
A lot of the reason you and your husband might be fighting is because you've been secretly IMing the other guy. You might be thinking there is something new and exciting about the old friend and then turn around to see your husband and think of him as not so exciting...which could lead to an argument.
You really need to take a look at your marriage and the time invested..and if you have children. Is it really worth quitting? Or is it worth working on?
I've heard sometimes one or both of the married couple gets bored and they are looking for something exciting. Cheating is usually what happens because it's so exciting when someone else finds them attractive. It's flattering, you're probably not getting that from your husband.
Cheating is probably the worst thing you can do in a marriage. Intimacy is something you and your husband share...I don't think you would like it if he was getting "it" somewhere else, then came home to you.
If you are truly thinking about cheating, get out of the marriage first. Don't make your husband out to feel like the fool. If you are unhappy in your relationship, you need to have a sit down with your husband and discuss the relationship.
Please consider every possibility before going around behind your husbands back.
2007-11-28 15:11:43 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your past, is the past.
Your present, is now.
You can't unring a bell .. nor go backwards.
Cheating is not ok.
Marriage is hard work. Even the best of marriages are not always great all of the time. You have 9 years invested .. and you say you love each other ... so it might be wise not to risk losing this love.
Every person has temptation at some time during their married life. We all are human. And we had an attraction to the person we married & fell in love with ... so this is a human trait that is in us .. and it can happen often .. we just don't have to act on those feelings which can be so potent.
Think about the consequences of what could happen in the future --- considering all things possible.
2007-11-28 15:10:17 · answer #2 · answered by Tara 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Your husband has stood by you for the past nine years. Think about that and think about why you and the other guy were on a break in the first place. He didn't fight for you. He didn't try to get you back. He left town and stayed gone for nine years. Why would you even consider betraying your husband for this guy? Leave the past where it belongs and move forward with your husband.
No, cheating is NEVER ok.
2007-11-28 15:08:07 · answer #3 · answered by ncgirl 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Both of you have changed in the last 9 yrs and arent really the same people you were before.There is a reason this guy isnt married and it isnt because you jilted him.
You can either go to counseling with your husband or throw away your marriage and maybe end up in a worse one.
If you have kids you do not have the luxury of exploring this and even if there arent any kids, you still made a commitment to your husband, be different from the rest of the world and live up to that commitment.
2007-11-28 15:17:33 · answer #4 · answered by Joe F 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Okay. First of all if you r a hard core christian you would not follow the 7th commandment. Also if you really love your husnabd why would you lose his trust and risk it all. What I am told is the past is the past and the future is now. I think if you don't love your husband and if you really want 2 get a divorce and maybe then go to him, but he might not except you. Thinking that u just dumped your marriage down the drain and just blahed it all for him. Also cheating is never okay. Just to tell you its not faithful nor worth it. I've never cheated on someone before but some of my friends have had. Just to tell you it wasn't pretty and it broke a poor innocent guys heart. I hope this helps.
2007-11-28 15:04:56 · answer #5 · answered by confussed 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't really matter about all those "what ifs" and "should Is"...you are married and that is the path you willingly chose. Don't use the current low point in your marriage as an excuse to initiate an affair.
You need to stop seeing this guy and work on the marriage...see a counselor if necessary. If you and your husband can't work things out, THEN you may have to consider separating....if you continue what you are doing a break up is inevitable......you will get involved, have an affair, your husband will know, your marriage will break up. If that is what you are looking for ...it will happen.
2007-11-28 15:05:12 · answer #6 · answered by ScSpec 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Cheating isn't OK. Period. If it's bad between you and your husband, work on that or get out if that's not possible. If it's really meant to be between you and this other guy, it can wait till you make some resolution, one way or another, with your husband. You don't mention children, but after 9 years, it may be safe to assume that there are some. Think about what a break-up of your marriage would do to them. Cheating isn't OK.
2007-11-28 15:09:35 · answer #7 · answered by colder_in_minnesota 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it can always be hard to realize you still have feelings for someone you once cared about so much. but think of it this way...how would you feel if it was your spouse's ex and he was considering being with her instead of you? Sometimes feelings for an ex arise because of the problems we are currently facing, and it has little to do with being attracted to them currently. Maybe you are afraid that you made a mistake marrying your husband because oyu are feeling reminiscent of what you had with your ex. nine years is a long time, and people change a lot. the man you were once in love with may turn out to be someone you know nothing about at all now. what you need to ask yourself is if you love your husband enough to work through your difficulties or try to revivie something that didn't work out in the first place. you need to remind yourself that he is indeed your ex, and something caused you to split in the first place. just as something caused you to marry the man you are with now. Cheating will not solve your problems, it will only make them 10 times worse. then you will not only have to deal with the guilt of infidelity, but also with the decision to stay with your current or move back to your past. no marriage is going to be all happiness and good times all the time. but it is how you deal with the difficulties that determine whether your marriage is worth saving. what makes you want to be with your ex? the thrill fo seeing if the present will be as good as the past? it never is. inevitably, life always ages and matures people differently, and what you had back then will no doubt be no where's close to what you will have now if you choose to pursue something with your ex. many people romanticize what their past was like to make it seem like it was better than the pain they are in at the current moment. think long and hard before you chose to destroy your marriage, there may be more there worth saving than you realize. good luck.
2007-11-28 15:24:25 · answer #8 · answered by piercing_beauty96 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I myself have never been in this situation before. But I think that you really need to sit down alone and weigh your options here. There is always going to be that question " what if ?" I know that a first love will always have an impact on a person. You said a major catch phrase, and that was " but we do love eachother." Now if you do love him I don't understand why you would be considering cheating/leaving him. How would you feel if he were thinking about doing this to you? In a marriage there is always going to be ups and downs, and hurdles that life throws at you that you and your spouse should be able to overcome, if love is stong enough to withstand them. Nobody can tell you what to do, but keep in mind that the grass isn't always greener on the other side. Best of luck in whatever choice you make.
2007-11-28 15:08:45 · answer #9 · answered by peyton31602 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Cheating is never never an option when your married. Every marriage hits a rough patch. Work it out. Do something that hewouldn't expect, cook a romantic dinner, write a sweet note, tape a photo of you in your wedding dress to his steering wheel.....get that line of communication open with the man you married remind him that your there. You promised him..forever....this other man wants what he could have had...he has no right to ask now, and you have no right to offer. Your life is not your own anymore.
2007-11-28 15:09:35 · answer #10 · answered by mamab 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋