I am 6'6" and about 290lbs, so obviously I am a big guy. My wife is always complaining about how big I am. My clothes are hard to find and a bit more expensive than more average sizes, we have to replace our mattress every 3 years or so cause where I sleep gets "too flattened" for her taste. Thru it all she always makes comments like "if only you weren't so damn big" or " Why do you have to be so damn huge" Keep in mind I was 330 lbs when we got married so I have lost weight since we married and since we met 18 years ago I have always been big. I feel like I am doing pretty good considering my family. My dad is over 400 and My mom is close to that. I have two brothers that are easily 500 (all about the same height, except mom, she is 5'11.) Is there anything I can do or say?
2007-11-28 14:03:02 · 11 answers · asked by skye5150 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
One day .. tell your wife that you know you are 6'6" .. and that you know that you are 290 pounds .. and that you also know that a lot of women like this size of men. And .. it is true. Also, tell her that she married you, knowing this. And .. that by her saying these remarks about you - that it hurts you .. and makes you think that she does not care about your feelings.
Tell her that you dislike her comments - and you take her comments as abusive treatment. Ask her .. from that day forward .. to stop saying anything about your size. Tell her you never want to hear it again. Tell her that you are so tired of hearing her talk about you. And mean it.
If she ever does it again .. then leave the home. Go anywhere for awhile. Later go back home .. and tell her again .. you never want her to talk about your size again.
If she won't stop the comments .. then you physically cannot make her shut her mouth about you.
If she won't stop it .. then you will have to consider your options.
One option is to stay with her & listen to her remarks.
Another option .. is to leave her.
You may first have to get her attention to let her know you are serious about her stopping her remarks about you. She should respect you - and not ever disrespect you by making these remarks.
She is not respecting you by making remarks about you. If you take it .. she still will not have respect for your feelings. You may have to initiate, and demand, the respect.
It is a shame that you would even have to tell your wife these things to make her stop .. she should not be doing them in the first place. She should be more considerate. Any person with fore-thought .. would realize the remarks are insulting.
Let her know about how you feel. Ask her to STOP IT forever.
2007-11-28 14:28:10 · answer #1 · answered by Tara 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I love big men. You're very, very tall, so your weight will always be around the 200's, no matter what you do. There's nothing wrong with being a big man as long as you try to maintain your good health. Maybe your wife just makes these comments but she really doesn't mean to offend you; I'm sure she loves you just the way you are. I'm thin, but I have a "bubbly" butt, and my husband's always making cute jokes about how my butt sticks out...I don't mind at all because I know how much he loves it. His intention is not to offend me; it actually is a compliment. He just does it in the form of a joke, that's all. You might try talking to your wife so she knows how you feel about her comments and give her the opportunity to explain what she means. Whenever something bothers you, you have the right to talk it over or make it stop. Allow your wife to tell you why she makes comments about your size so often. Hey, big man, your wife is a lucky lady. There's more of you to love. My husband's also big and tall, and I looooove him sooooo.
2007-11-28 14:23:55 · answer #2 · answered by MiaMonique 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She might not be expressing herself very well, but I'd bet she really is concerned about your health, and longevity. Seeing how big your family is, she has to be concerned. Perhaps you should see a doctor to see if there is anything more you can do to control your size. Perhaps a gastric bypass? Or stomach stapling? My wife's family is too big too. Her Mom weighed over 400 for most of her life and died at 60. All her siblings are too big. She was over 300 when she had the bypass, and she now weighs 160 and loves her new life. Just keep trying, and be diligent. Let her know her comments hurt, you understand her concern, and you're doing your best, but she needs to temper her comments to to remove the barbs.
2007-11-28 14:48:30 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
"Sorry, dear, but I just don't have any perspective on what it's like to be small."
Seriously, size disparity can be an issue, and it's one she's not treating with any compassion. You didn't ask to be tall, you just are. You can see what's on top of the refrigerator or reach the junk on the top shelf without a footstool, but that doesn't mean you know what it's like to be small (childhood was long ago).
I'm not your size -- 6'1", about 270# -- and my wife doesn't give me static, but years ago I saw a documentary about uncommonly sized people, one of whom was a dwarf. He got along pretty well for most things, had a solution when needed (it showed him using a pay phone -- used a cane to tap the handset free, then push the buttons), but he made one comment that rang with me: "I don't know what it's like to be tall." I've since tried to keep that in mind, that different heights grant different perspectives, and think about what people shorter than me might be thinking about various things where it makes a difference (I don't have to worry much about taller people, as there aren't so many of them). Particularly my dear wife -- I can't just off-handedly tell her if something is on top of the fridge (she'll believe me, but cannot confirm it without a footstool; as one example).
Talk to your wife and ask her to lay off the static and try to understand your elevated perspective. And yes, she certainly knew your height and size when she chose you, so this teasing should stop.
2007-11-28 14:24:04 · answer #4 · answered by Chipmaker Authentic 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to talk to her, maybe she is worried about your health. There is a reason for her saying this. Try to cut back on your food intake, it never hurts to be in control of your health. You could also try putting two beds side by side, where you push them togeather, alot of people do this. There is a show called "Brookhaven", I believe its on TLC, great show. Not sure if your wife is big or small, but, your size is bothering her. It's great that you have lost some weight, keep on that track.
Best of luck
2007-11-28 14:25:45 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You were big when she married you and NOW she's complaining????? She should love you for who you are not how big or small you are. Sounds like she has some other issues going on, better sit down and talk about it. Is the problem really with you or is something eating at her?
2007-11-28 14:49:31 · answer #6 · answered by mamabear1957 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WOW,,, she sure new about this when you got married!!!
anyway, you need to talk to her and find out what is at the root of this. You are not going to shrink, and I bet you aren't going to slim down to under 200..
2007-11-28 14:09:12 · answer #7 · answered by jdesey 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When she bad mouths you, take the nearest exit. Don't give her any attention when she is being mean to you. Don't look at her, don't talk to her. Ignore her like she doesn't live.
Only give her attention when she is being nice to you.
2007-11-28 16:50:42 · answer #8 · answered by Sweet Suzy 777! 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't worry about it.I like tall man but than again I am also 5'11.
2007-11-28 14:07:21 · answer #9 · answered by what did you say 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Say that it ain't wver gonna change so stop bringing it up!-its not like you can cut off your legs or something
2007-11-28 14:08:11 · answer #10 · answered by Lunaeclipz 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋