i am 43.. bf 31... 12 yr diff.. he says he is not the marring kind.. i love him and would marry him tommorow.. bad habits and all.. drinking until to drunk to walk..etc..would you wait it out.. also you drink . but not the same as he does
2007-11-28 13:54:35 · 18 answers · asked by vis 7 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It sounds like you already have your answer since you say you would marry him tomorrow.
I would not wait it out.
I feel if he wanted to marry .. that nothing would stop him. He does not want to marry ... so he is not getting married.
If he is not an alcoholic now .. he may be one day.
It is your choice if you want to wait on a man who has already told you he is not the marrying type. It seems he sealed the deal of not getting married.
I would not wait. He is in the prime of his life. You are not exactly in the same position.
2007-11-28 14:08:38 · answer #1 · answered by Tara 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is not the marrying kind, I would figure I have two options.
1) Become the not-marrying kind.
2) Move on.
Personally, given the 'bad habits and all', I would lean heavily toward number 2.
Waiting only increases expectation, and when you are in your 50s and he is in his 40s marrying a woman in her 20s, there is a solid shot that 'waiting' will only make you really want to torch something he owns.
2007-11-28 22:02:20 · answer #2 · answered by Jenny 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Only you can really answer this question, he is in a very different phase of his life right now, you are clearly ready to settle down and get married and spend your life with him. He is not ready for that level of commitment. So, the question is not whether or not you should wait for him, the question is whether you are happy the way things are. Not the way they might be in 3 years, or the way things would be if he would just change, or the way things should be if he stopped drinking. But the way things are now.
He may decide he wants to get married some day, but you focusing on it will only destroy your relationship, for now, choose to be with him with this particular fault, or don't. Don't hang on and assume he is going to change just because you want him to.
2007-11-28 22:01:34 · answer #3 · answered by JA in SC 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
46 yr F here:
There are too many warning signs to ignore.
How many DUIs does he have?
I bet at least 3.........
Do you want to wait for him as he spends time in prison for the 4th, 5th, or more DUI? How will you feel if you aren't there to be his driver, and he KILLS somebody?
I drink a lot, and probably qualify as an alcoholic. But I NEVER lose control of my drinking to where I can't walk....and I also NEVER EVER DRIVE when I've been drinking.
Believe him about the non-marrying thing. Find a man who can hold his drink, probably one closer to your age.
Good luck, hon....I think you can find better.....
2007-11-28 22:10:47 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are 43, self aware, in the prime of your life and you want to marry a younger alcoholic who isn't ready to settle down?
I would run for the hills babe.
Go find exactly what you want in life. If it's the man you described you still have some learning to do.
Good luck :)
2007-11-29 00:16:16 · answer #5 · answered by oracleofohio 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well thats his choice not to be the marrying kind, you have to ask yourself is that a problem for you, i would respect his wishes, marriage is just a piece of paper, but if it bugs ya then talk to him. But the drinking thing disturbs me, be careful some guys get really rough when drunk, I would not care if we got married or not as long as we love each other, i drink ocassionally but not enough to get drunk.
2007-11-28 21:58:53 · answer #6 · answered by ~confused~ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nope he's not worth it-the age has nothing to do with it- that drinking thing- it can be a problem down the road- find someone more like yourself who likes a good time but isn't a drunk-you deserve better!
2007-11-28 22:00:38 · answer #7 · answered by Lunaeclipz 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ummmm! your b/f is a drunk. And he has TOLD you he does not want to be married. BUT YET you are still with him. I know you said you do not drink a lot, but you need to stop drinking, clear your head and move on with your life. your wasting your time. At first I thought you were younger, but at your age, you should know better.
Good luck
2007-11-28 22:09:52 · answer #8 · answered by lynnn30 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no way will i wait . How long have u guys been together? Well he already told u he is not the marring kind what else are u waiting for ? move on women! There always someone better waiting for u. don't settled.!!
2007-11-28 22:44:18 · answer #9 · answered by Esperanza 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For me, he isn't someone I would choose for the long-run. He may be a good drinking buddy and he doesn't mind your drinking because that allows him to drink himself into a stupor. It sounds like you 2 are feeding off one another and enabling one another, not a healthy relationship.
2007-11-28 21:58:04 · answer #10 · answered by gma 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋