I made the biggest mistake of my life....I want to be 100% there for my husband. The person I had an affair with says he loves me and wants me to leave my husband and be with him. I have told him I don't want to end my marriage. The "other" man gets angry and says he will not get over our relationship. When he drinks he threatens to kill himself and says he will ruin my marriage. I have tried everything to end this mess. I know I am a dirty b*&^h. Please offer real advise. The scarlet letter is not enough to carry. I know I should be spit on and rocks thrown at my head.......
2007-11-28 12:55:01 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
ask Jesus for his help with this, ask for his forgiveness, and refuse to be weak minded and fall to temptation anymore. choose to honor your spouse and be faithful, when u play with fire sometimes u get burned. ask Jesus to forgive u, and forgive yourself, and watch carefully your thought life, and your feelings and emotions, because our feelings produce our thoughts, and the choices and decisions we make and our decisions create our habits, and habits will show our true character, and our character will determine our destiny, good or bad. just go to the man tell him u made a mistake ad u did not mean to hurt him but u want to stay with your husband. just cut all ties with the man and pray he doesn't use it against u and tell your husband. and learn by this, and don't do it again.
2007-11-28 13:12:40 · answer #1 · answered by jude 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Trying to hide from the truth only works for a limited time. Use tact, but be quick to let your husband know. You may have to live with the consequences on that. Counsellors and/or your religeous or spiritual leaders might help. As for the other guy he sounds unstable. I wouldn't mess around, go for the restraining order soon as possible. Don't get caught unaware in case he's a real nut. Be prepared in case he stalks you, tries to abduct you or comes after you or your family. Make everyone at risk aware of the situation. The world has too many sad stories. Don't become one. Oh and if your relationship doesn't work out because of this, then don't be too hard on yourself. about 1/2 the people out there are like yourself and have troubles staying with one mate. Just if you do have to find someone new look for someone that is inclined that way as well. Society might not publicly ackowledge it but the alternative is really quite normal. I'm guessing when I say half, but from people I know through work, privately and public figures I know about I would guess it's somewhere near 40% ish. Accept who you are, even if you are a person who needs 2 partners. Just be honest about it. Less complications arise in life if you are honest with everyone, including yourself.
2007-11-28 21:22:27 · answer #2 · answered by Malcolm L 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The first thing you need to do is protect yourself. The man sounds fairly dangerous. If there is a friend or a relative you can talk to about this and tell them your situation, not only will they be able to help you sort through your feelings but they will be there to help you if he shows up on your doorstep. The next thing you need to do is compose a carefully worded email to your lover and tell him that it is over. Be very clear, but keep it respectful. And then don't answer your phone, or your texts or go where you know he will be. Stop all communications cold. No matter what. Lastly, get ready to tell your husband if this can of worms is opened. I think when a spouse cheats they know that there's a chance they could get caught.. and they know the price that they will pay ahead of time. Good luck honey.
2007-11-28 22:33:41 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First things first, you need to start by being honest with your husband and tell him the truth. Then you'll see what happens. As for Mr. affair, tell him it's over and also tell him that if he wants to kill himself there's nothing you can do about it, he is an adult and you're not responsible for his actions. He's like a little child, when you don't want to do what he wants, he plays on your feelings. You have to stand up straight and do what's right for everybody. Honesty is always the best policy.
Good luck
PS: you need to stop hating yourself so much, you made a mistake but you have to correct it before it goes too far.
2007-11-28 21:32:06 · answer #4 · answered by johanne 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
...Some mistakes you have to live with. Sometimes the consequences can be more than you anticipated. The guy sounds like a nut case. You can expect that problem to follow you around like a shadow. If you are truly sorry and have learned from your mistake I would bring it out in the open.
...It sounds like you don't really care for your husband anyway to have made the mistake to begin with. When people make those mistakes it's usually they are sorry because of the consequences it brings.
...Never the less if you are truly sorry for what you did then honesty may be your only option. It's a toss up as far as breaking it to you husband but if he finds out from someone else then you will never have his trust.
...Hope and pray for his understanding and forgiveness.
2007-11-28 21:05:09 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
"The "other" man gets angry and says he will not get over our relationship."
That's his problem. Not yours.
"When he drinks he threatens to kill himself "
That's him manipulating you. Don't let him. Don't give him that power. How he deals with the circumstances isn't YOUR problem - it's HIS. You do not have a responsibility to this man, you have a responsibility to your husband and your marriage and doing whatever needs to be done to salvage that husband and that marriage.
If you want to do the right thing, confess to your husband, tell him you were wrong, tell him that you are breaking it off with the other man, and that you are 100% committed to working on your marriage.
"says he will ruin my marriage."
If you 'fess up to your husband first, he won't be able to.
2007-11-28 21:17:13 · answer #6 · answered by Nandina (Bunny Slipper Goddess) 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First your admitting to yourself that what you did was wrong. Good. Your in a tough spot here girl...........do you tell your husband or chance that the other guy won't. Either way you may have already screwed the pooch.
I'm not really big on telling your spouse if you truly have repented and never ever repeat this behavior. Become a better partner with him.
Your are going to have to decide............I don't think anyone here really can answer this for you. You know the both of them, we don't. Hope you choose wisely!
2007-11-28 21:08:35 · answer #7 · answered by michael w 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You're being way too hard on yourself. If you want to save your marriage then cut all ties with your lover. And I know this is not the most popular advise, but only admit to the affair if you absolutely have to. Dump the lover and only confess if the loser tells your husband and forces your hand.
2007-11-28 21:13:54 · answer #8 · answered by jeff b 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
First of all you are not a skank; you made a mistake and you know it. Forgive yourself. I wouldnt tell my husband, I would hope the other man wouldn't tell either. Hopefully he will kill himself when he drinks. Can you move, change your phone number to unlisted?? Drastic I know but I really wouldnt want to tell husband unless you have to. There is no reason for him to be forced to hurt. I am not a believer in spilling your guts unless you have to. . . and all of our mistakes needn't be broadcast. So, go easy on yourself, you made a mistake, you know it.. Dont answer calls, if he comes to your house call law... he is stalking you.
2007-11-28 23:31:57 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
If worse comes to worse you might have to tell your husband
if your lover knows where you work and all that
you might have to move and change jobs
hard to do without telling why
dont be too hard on yourself s**t happens
if he threatens you like that he knows it gets to you
not a very nice thing to do if you love someone
if you dont work find a job
you have too much time if you have time for a boyfriend
2007-11-28 22:25:19 · answer #10 · answered by mike t 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would tell your husband. It might not sound like the thing to do but if this man is for real he is going to tell him anyway. It will be better for him to find out from you. Do not give in to his threats and do not see him anymore. This really could be a dangerous situation for you. Good luck girl.
2007-11-28 21:43:06 · answer #11 · answered by kim h 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋