Dredging up the past and throw it in your face. Even after one has changed.
2007-11-28 12:21:36 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
its not betrayal. usually money, family sucks, hero mentality.
2007-11-28 12:45:11 · update #1
Chas, this behavior can devastate a marriage....any relationship, really! If there was not true forgiveness and that is what this indicates, then you must talk to the person about this. In a loving manner and non-confrontational as to do differently, may add another item to that list!
I have experienced this in my life too. Fact is, you need to sit down and have a "heart to heart!" When there is true forgiveness....there is no desire to bring up such things as we do change! Once changed, those old reminders and words can cut like a knife! The other person needs to know what they are doing! If not, the shredding process just goes on and on! NO! That is not what a relationship is about. When we love, it is far better to forgive than to harbour all that venom.
I do not know if you believe in prayer but, I do! Chas, I am praying for your situation as I have been there and it is not an easy place to live! I pray for God to work on hearts and true forgiveness to come. Then and only then, can your love deepen and strengthen! This is my prayer and I will continue to pray!
God Bless You,
Gail
2007-11-28 13:11:49 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
The past, is just that .. the past. And you can't unring a bell.
You can "try" several things.
You can attempt to sweetly tell her that you have a concern .. and you would like to talk. Explain to her that all you & she have is the future. The past is gone forever - never to be again. Tell her that not letting go of the past - and dredging it up - really bothers you. Ask her, if she would agree - not to ever bring up the past events any more? Tell her it would mean so much to you. Talk to her sweetly, nicely .. and quietly.
She may agree. Or she may not agree.
In the future - if she starts dredging up the past ... you take an exit. Just refuse to participate with the conversation if she does what bothers you.
You can only ask her to stop it .. you can't make her. If she won't do it for you ... then you can do your part by not participating at any time she starts it.
2007-11-28 16:43:47 · answer #2 · answered by Tara 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well i guess this takes time, my husband cheated when we were still dating and now that we are married it still hurts me when i think about it, though before was worse i would bring it up everytime and this would end up in big fights. It took me almost a year and a half to get over it...
I prayed, and forgave from the bottom of my heart he was really helpful because he would show me every single day he had changed and he was never going to do it again. This things you never forget but you can learn to forgive and live a good life instead of hurting yourself with something that there's no turn back and cannot be erased...
Be patient and if it does not work then i recommed counseling.....
Good luck..
2007-11-28 12:30:15 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Depends upon what the issue was. If it was betrayal, that is a dealbuster.... only 20% of betrayals in marriages/relationships, survive 2 years after betrayal, and that is even if both wish to save it and both in counseling. Frankly if that is your issue, you're rather dead in the water, sweetie.
2007-11-28 12:28:26 · answer #4 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a hard thing. All you can do is keep trying, and when a calm time comes, have a heart to heart talk. True repentance will allow this. Communicate. Set some rules...let one talk and then the other, with out interruptions. I hope this will help. I will pray for you on this.
2007-12-01 06:36:51 · answer #5 · answered by electroprayer 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
chances are,that someone hasn't really forgiven you in the real sense of the word.forgiving entails forgetting.maybe you should exert some more effort to prove that you really changed (for the better,of course!)
2007-11-28 13:39:08 · answer #6 · answered by saodaji 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You let them know that each and every time they do that to you, they are slowly chipping away at the love and respect you have for them. If this doesn't get them to stop, then they're not worth the powder it would take to blow them to hell!
2007-11-28 12:24:21 · answer #7 · answered by Marina 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Just know that nothing you say or do will ever change him. So that leaves you with the choice of staying and loving them just the way they are, or moving on.
It really is that simple.
Good luck.
2007-11-28 12:24:43 · answer #8 · answered by box of rain 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
dont talk to them about it
2007-11-28 12:35:01 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
leave them
2007-11-28 12:31:51 · answer #10 · answered by jimioc 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋