Why do I keep lying to my wife?

Question

It seems that I lie to my wife about anything. As long as I can give her the answer she is looking for, and it keeps me out of trouble, I lie. Example: I'm dieting and something so simple as the food I was supposed to make for my supper (at work), I lied about. I said I made Tuna, but she knows how many cans there are. I should have known that, but I lied. I didn't bring supper. I was too busy watching something online to make it. But I lied to her about it. She found out, she is pissed. This has been going on for years. It started when I told her I didn't smoke, and then she found out. Then I kept lying to her about everything. Even things that aren't a big deal and wouldn't get me in much trouble, I lied about. Small little insignificant things. It seems to be that a lie will come out of my mouth so fast I don't have time to think about it. No time to think about whether or not I should lie. It's like a natural reaction. Why am I doing this? Why am I hurting her?

Answer 1

Oh BOY! You know, many get caught up in this same thing! It starts out with telling a little white lie for the sake of peace, what someone wants to hear and so forth. Then, it snowballs, lies seem easier to use than to have to talk about things and work out real issues!

I am so sorry you fell into this as so many have. However, you realize what your actions are doing and that is the first step to stopping the lies! You seem to understand the harm which comes from mountains of lies and want to stop before this goes too far and someone gets hurt deeply! Good! I want you to know that I respect the fact that you are being so honest! Many would not admit these things!

I feel your desire to change and I want you to know that I am standing, in prayer with you! Prayer is a powerful thing and I do not know if you believe in its power but, I certainly do! So, please allow me to ask God to help you to overcome this and to make your life anew, in HIM. I ask God to guide you and each time the lie almost leaves your tongue...that God gently reminds you!

I will be praying!
God Bless You,
Gail

Answer 2

I have seen that in people and is not that big of a deal. You can start working on yourself step by step, my friend told me he had the same problem since I told him that, so I told him to just tell the truth regardless if I like it or other people like it or not, to just go ahead and say the truth without thinking and then worry about, he started to see that there were no worries and started to start being less afraid and he become a honest person for what I saw, it took him a while and it's all based in that he is afraid so it doesn't matter that was aboug to say, it always ended up choosing or picking up a lie that sometimes didn't even make sense of why he said that. It's not that much of a problem, also, intersting will be if you share this with your wife and you ask her for some help, telling her you notice something weird on yourself, i'm pretty sure you will have her support, and also start by coming up with examples of what you did recently, and ask her to please don't get mad that you are not necessarily trying to confees (which is letting the guilty feelings go away and put them on the other person and since that moment you have no fault), that you just want to do a lot of things good and in what the problem consists and what you are planning to solve it, that you are starting now, things can't get any better than that.

Answer 3

You mean how come you always get caught when you lie to your spouse.

You think that if you lie you will have more respect. What you don't know is that a woman respects her man when her man is honest & has integrity. Not that you are perfect.

You need to realize how important you are for just being you. Quit trying to cover up what ever mistakes.

Also, seek Jesus about this. It is a sin to lie. So? When you feel convicted, then confess this to Jesus. He is faithful & just to forgive you your sin & cleanse you from all unrighteousness.

I think the reason why you lie, is because this is an old habit. But if you just confess it at the moment of conviction, then God will make you right. And in time you will develop honesty. Because God knows you are going to lie even before you do it. And that is why you are being convicted for this. So? Gods plan is that you stop lying.

Answer 4

It would appear that you are lying to gain her approval, since you stated when you lie it keeps you out of trouble. With that said, you and your wife need to sit down together and discuss this. It sounds as though you are trying very hard to please her and make her happy, but are only able to make her happy when you're doing what she expects you to do. If you feel what you're doing would not please her, then you lie about it.

Yes, you are hurting her when you continue to lie to her, and the more you do it and get caught, the less she's going to trust anything you say in the future. You may be putting self-imposed goals on yourself that even you have a hard time meeting, for example only eating a can of tuna for supper. If you know that this will not sustain your appetite, why not add a salad or some whole wheat bread with it to make your meal more satisfying? Don't be so strict with yourself. Admit your weaknesses and work on them realistically, so you won't have to lie.

Answer 5

Ugh, I don't know but you've got to stop. Some people lie as if it were an addiction. I've met this one guy and he lied so much that he eventually believed his own lies. Got in huge trouble when he had something published that was complete fabrication.

Typical suggestion of counseling. I wonder if you started apologizing after every time you lie if that would curtail your response. Tell your wife you're going to try to apologize after every lie and DO IT. Eventually, you might be able to catch yourself before the lie. Talk with your wife and come up with suggestions and a plan of action and stick with it. Good luck!

Answer 6

I used to be this way. I used to lie to my parents about everything and I started doing it at a very young age. As I got older, it was a downward spiral from there. In order to break the cycle, you will have to start making it a habit to be honest with her, and over a period of time, it should become 2nd nature to you, just like lying to her is a habitual thing for you now. Many people are going to call you a jerk and an @sshole for lying to your wife so much, especially other women who find themselves being lied to alot by their own husbands. It's not right, but I'm not going to judge you. I'm a very honest person now, because I CHOOSE to be, and once you tell one lie, you have to tell another. Just be honest man, your wife deserves that, if you can't be honest with her, who can you be honest with? Best wishes!

-Knowlwdge24

Answer 7

Maybe deep down, you're tired of sharing your life's details with someone. Have you always been a private person?
* You know how serial killers are typically sociopaths who live double lives, and sort of get off by fooling everyone around them, and evading punishment? I'm not calling you a serial killer, but maybe it's just an attempt to hold on to secrets (a piece of yourself) no matter how small or trivial the secret is. She could be making you feel as if you can't tell her things but, I honestly think this has more to do with you.
My advice, tell her something painful, or embarassing. I wasn't a liar really, but I had my own secret life for a while. Nothing major, but there were just parts of me that I wanted to keep to myself. My mom started to notice that, so when I began to share more things, I felt so much closer to her. Tell her something important that you would normally lie about, but don't scare the poor girl away.

Answer 8

My husband used to do the same thing. he never lied to be about big things, just annoying things like the tuna. His main reason was he did not want to disappoint. He doesn't like to feel like he has let anyone down, so instead of just telling the simple truth like hey I was stressed at work and had a cigarette he would lie about it. I would always figure it out though and it would lead to an argument, and finally he figured out that it was way easier to deal with me when I was a little disappointed than when I was thoroughly pissed. So he works very hard at telling the truth now. He never did it to try to hurt me, somehow in his way he thought it would go better that way.

Answer 9

You are hurting her, but also yourself. Why do you feel you need to lie to "keep out of trouble"? Why would you get in trouble about what you ate at work? I understand the getting in trouble about the smoking, but not a can of tuna!! If she has found you out in lies in the past, she is probably very unsure of you and doesn't know when to believe you so she suspects everything now.

Do you both value your marriage? There is no room for constant lying in a relationship. I think you both need help. You need to talk to a therapist. You probably both need marriage counseling, not necessarily together, at least not at first. And you do know the story of the boy who cried "Wolf"?

Answer 10

One thing I have learned over the years is that creative people tend to lie more than concrete boring uncreative people. Does NOT make it right. Find another way to create fantasy, write a book or keep a journal. Spend time before you speak to formulate what you are going to say , and be HONEST. You will feel better, and your wife will trust you and so will everyone else. Compulsive lying is a habbit, that can be broken, but like every other habbit, it takes effort and conscious rectification. Good luck.