help me please?

Question

i am engaged to a man i love with all of my heart we have been together for two years and just had a beautiful baby girl 3 weeks ago..we do not live together right now i stay with my parents he stays with his..although we r moving out in dec together..well lately he has become very rude and says mean things i know he isnt cheating and i know he is in love with me were best friends..but he has the upper hand right now and i want to have it like i use to i know childish..and he knows i wont leave him so he knows he can get away with being an asshole..and he acts like he dosnt care what i do because he knows it hurts me but then he is also so nice to me most of the time and we get along great..how can i get back with the upper hand and make him feel like my world dosnt revolve around him and i can stand on my own..please dont tell me to break up with him we been through alot and we really love each other we just going through a hard time..were both 19

were not living together because of money problems..and i could never see my self with anyone else he mean the world to me and i know i mean it to him to

Answer 1

Tell him to grow up and your not going to move in with him right now because you think he needs to get his sh*t together you don't have time for two baby's now you can only do one and he needs to start helping .

If you are bottle feeding baby how about him having her for a night a week that way he can be need to help and you can have time to plan what you need to do

Answer 2

Still kids and life ignorant. At 19 hes starting to feelthe full load of being a father and doesnt like it. Whether the baby was planned or an accident doesnt really matter much but he starting to feel 19 with his life over. Hes stressed out with everything and is thinking of whats hes missing when he should be enjoying a carefree life like his friends. Theres no doubt he loves you, but hes feeling trapped whioch is very normal in a young relationship. Hes not seeing any future as he has to grow up real fast now with all this responsibility. Life wont be easy as you both have to grow up faster than either of you wanted and have to put the baby first and your elationship is going to face some very difficult challenges ahead and you need to expect this kind of reactions from him and he yours. Dont feel afraid to seek help either professionalor from parents/friends when things get tough,all adults need some time away from our spouses every once in a while. Also you two may need some space away from your daughter too just to work on your relationship which does not make you bad parents but normal ones. So take his verbal abuse as stress related and not really directly at you. The art of ignoring comes in handy in relationships along with compromising. Good luck to your future and Happy Holidays

Answer 3

First, don't think of it as gaining the upper hand. If that's your attitude, than your future won't look bright. I think most people underestaimate how much you ahve to give in marriage. Granted here, it sounds like he needs to understand that.

You're both 19, that's young for a kid and marriage, especially if you cannot afford to live outside of your folks house.

I hate to be negative, but he may be on the out. Afterall he's 19. When I was 19, liek many people, i wante dot hump practically every female that came with in a 100ft of meet. granted I didn't but I felt that way. My guess is that he does too. Therefore the thought of comitting himself to you for the rest of his life may be setting in, and he may be sqirming.

Havign said all that, I am in a similar situation with my wife. She knows I would never leave her regardelss of what she does. Therefore she soemtimes treats me like garbage. Why? Because she can. Do you stand up for yourself with him? Ever act like you coudl do better? If you act like he is the center of your world, then he eventually will be, not you.

Goodluck sweety - you've go the whole world ahead of you. You sure you want to get married this young?

Answer 4

I could be wrong but it sounds to me like your man is unemployed at the moment. Maybe he likes to hang out with his friends on the weekends. Maybe he does.
You need to stop acting like he is god's gift to women, and
let him know that you both have a child now, and he needs to start taking responsibility.
I think you are at fault because maybe
you show him that you would die with out him.
He seems like the type of guy that likes to make you feel bad.
Maybe he acts lovable with you when it's going to benefit him.
You need to do things for you and your child.
reach for goals to better your life. Take a course or something. Show him that you can do better with out his help.
When he sees that you are becoming self dependent, he is going to become afraid and want to be around you more.
You need to start fighting your feelings of love for him.
They are making you very weak. I'm not saying not to love
him. Just don't show too much love. Sometimes you gotta
fight your true feelings to become a stronger person.
That's how you will get the upper hand.
Take charge of yourself. Do what you think is right for you
and your child. Think positive and be strong.
You're young. You have a long life ahead of you.
Make it count for something good. Be a leader, not a follower.
You can make it happen only if you have the belief and
power to make it happen. Just Do It!

Answer 5

Just because you are in a relationship DOES NOT mean that your "Boundaries" should be disrespected and stomped all over which is what is going on here....He is attempting to get you in Control and dominate you!!! Do not let him do this!!!
This man is clearly displaying abusive behavior towards you..and unless he gets help to stop treating you so mean he could hurt you and your baby...
BEFORE you move together with him go to counseling and tell them how the man is abusive and mean to you..
If he doesn't stop being mean DO NOT move in with him..PROTECT you and your baby is MOST important...
You do not deserve to be under anyones foot regardless of how much you say you love them..Your baby and you are the first priority!! Stay with your parents...
Good luck

Answer 6

If he means the world to you then stop making it all about who gets the upper hand. You have a little child that is going to be watching how you both interact. Make sure that you do not show her that love is a competition or she will be truly miserable in her relationships.

Answer 7

What you have said, does NOT reflect love. You are both too young to have gotten yourselves into this situation. "Upper handing" does't enter into a grownup relationship. You are immature and he especially, realizes that he isn't ready to be saddled with a family. Just make sure he pays child support when you come to your senses. It's good that you have your parents to fall back on.

Answer 8

ok this is a bad case what u need to do . ight he is taking u for granted and he might just be cheating on u as well. 1 find out if he is messing around 2. dont pick up his phone call till a month later. now that will have him worried and then he will want to hang wit u and love u again.make him pay

Answer 9

well, u r both teenagers so u don't yet know the world very well. nonetheless, i think its just a phase he's goin' thru. it'll all slide, don't worry. it'll take time. also, try talkin' 2 him (tlkin' alwayz solves things). dats all i av 4 u. he still loves u. and, keep a positive attitude and mind. all will b well. oh, by d way, congrats on the birth of d baby. :)

Answer 10

What do you mean-you have the upper hand? He has the upper hand? Maybe if you tried holding hands instead of worring about who had the upper hand, you wouldn't have so many problems.