What if the person trying to break up your marraige is your mother in law?

Question

One of the last things our Reverend said before the end of our marriage ceremony was, 'What God hath brought together, let no man put asunder". I agree. Any third party that is not supportive and respectful of your marriage has got to go.

But what if that person is your mother in law? If it were a friend, an extended family member, maybe even a sibling it would be so much easier to cut them out of our lives and repair our marriage. But it's my husband's MOM. She has put so much stress on our marriage that we've talked of divorce, but I can understand why my hubby doesn't want to cut his mother out of his life.
She has been a horror to the both of us - trying to set my husband up with other women, leaving nasty messages, yelling, demanding we do things her way, emailing from other peoples' email accounts, pretending to be them, disowning us (occasionally, out of anger), refusing to speak to me or my daughter, accusing me of things I didn't do, CONSTANTLY causing drama.Advice?

She has some kind of mental illness but refuses to seek counseling or help for it. Father in law and siblings in law let her do whatever she wants. She has done such horrific things in addition to what I listed. At this point I could not or would not want to hang out with her. Being around her is terrible, she is scary - like Kathy Bates from Misery scary.

Answer 1

I dont care who it is...disrespect is disrespect and being genetically connected to someone doesnt give you the right to be an assss.

Answer 2

What are the reasons she is doing this to you? There has to be some kind of reason or she is just plain crazy. You cannot tell your husband that you do not want him to talk to his Mom. He will never do that and it will cause heartache later on when she has passed away. You should not feel obligated to go over there either. I would have a long talk with your husband. Try to come up with something like lunch with the mother in law just the two of you and ask her why such nonsence. Tell her you want to start from scratch so you two can get along. I know that is a hard thing to do but you will feel like a better person and if she still continues to do those wicked crazy things then you can say you tried. She sounds like a sick person pray for her as well.

Answer 3

My marriage that just ended 6 weeks ago was partially because of the same thing. My wife's mom hated my guts from day one since she ran away to be with me at age 18. The whole time she was living at home she was trying to set her up with other rich guys because she wanted her to marry into money and I wasn't rich enough so she didn't approve of me. For the first year we were together she shunned us and forced the entire rest of the family to do this as well. In time she got over it but still always badmouthed me behind my back and to my wife (GF at the time) and when we finally did get married, nothing changed. She still did everything she could to split us up, and once we finally did start having problems it didn't take long for her mom (and her sister who also didn't like me) to jump in and aggravate the problems. Now we are split, and have signed divorce papers. I didn't want to but she left me saying she couldn't be with somebody who 'didn't love her family'. The thing was, she NEVER EVER put her family in their place. When they would tear down on me she never did anything about it, but whenever I did anything at all, she would freak out on me about it. So there you have it, personally I think I'm better off, better now than in a few years when we might have had kids and whatnot. Be careful, and you seriously need to talk to your husband about it, look him in the eye and tell him how badly it's hurting your relationship. If that doesn't work, try getting a councilor involved. If he doesn't go for that.... prepare for the worst, I hate to say...... I thought nothing would drive us apart, but after four years of her mother trashing me, it finally did work. Good luck, I hope your husband does what's right since YOU are supposed to be the #1 female in his life, NOT his mother.

Answer 4

Was she always like this towards your relationship?

It's time for your husband to have a one on one talk with her. If that even works. Or some how get her to go to a couseling session with the two of you. Minimize time with her whenever you can. Whatever you do, do not cut her out of your lives. I have seen that done and it doesn't fix anything, just causes more stress.

Answer 5

Listen honey, its his mother. Asking him to cut her oft is like asking him to cut his own leg off. If you truly love your husband and you want to stay married call a truce with his mom. Sit her down and tell her that you want to honor your wedding vows but you need her help. Tell her that you understand how hard it must be to see her son grow up, tell her you want to come to a truce and become friends. then tell her that you want to get to know her better take a class together, or have a standing date for lunch or invite her to dinner at your house once or twice a monthinclude her is your lives. If she continues to act this way your husband will see you tried. Good Luck.

Answer 6

It sounds like she is not mentally/emotionally stable. Knowing that might help you be more patient with her. If she isn't willing to get help your husband needs to set clear boundaries and stick to them so that she doesn't interfere with the relationship between the 2 of you. You didn't say anything but kids, but she will only get worse if any kids enter the picture, take care of this now.

Answer 7

I think she is a little off her Rocker. I'd tell my husband to give her what for. you're a married couple now, you don't need someone trying to destroy your marriage. restraining order lol. change your e-mail, maybe the home phone and your cell number. If your husband wants to keep his let him. lock the doors when she comes around, that is just so crazy of someone.

Answer 8

your hubby needs to get a backbone, and confront mom, and see things for what they are. sometimes u have to cut people out of your life to save your sanity. she sounds as if she is jealous of u, and even if u kiss her butt it may not make a difference. she sounds as if she is playing with a few loose screws and u need to stand firm and if u have to cut her out, do it until she changes her evil ways.

Answer 9

Then you kiss her on the cheek and tell her to back the **** off!

Make sure you keep a smile on your face the whole time, so you look like you're in controll!

Answer 10

No one including your mother-in-law can break up your marriage if you don't let her.

Your husband should set some boundaries for his mother with consequences if she steps over the line.

You should let him handle her....and if he won't then he's the problem.....not your mother-in-law.