Is this a natural trait, character trait or signs of a mental condition?

Question

I used to be married to this person. Anything that would come out of his mouth he would do: For example

1. He would tell me that I shouldn't drink when visiting my parents. He, in turn, would drink to get wasted every chance he had when he was out of town for 2 weeks. He's in the military reserve.

2. It was disrespectful for me to have dinner with any male, for any reason. He would have dinner and lunches alone with female coworkers.

3. It's disrespectful if while shopping, we pass a male colleague of mine and stop to say "Hello" without making formal introductions. Meanwhile, we meet a female coworker of his, not only does he not make introductions, he flirts.

4. He needed 4 hours at the end of the day to nap, snack and destress from the day, if I wanted an hour he would pout.

He's the 2nd of 4 children, 2 girls, 2 boys, mom, grandmother, sisters put him on a pedestal, especially since he's the only one to graduate high school.

I'm just wondering, because unfortunately, I have children with him and if it's a condition, I'm wondering if it can be passed down. Good answers so far.

Answer 1

I'd say it sounds like he is a hypocrite (a person who acts in contradiction to his or her stated beliefs or feelings) probably as a result of insecurity. He probably did what he said was wrong because he needed the 'boost' from flirting and getting attention, but then he couldn't handle you doing anything like that because it would make him feel threatened. All a common result of insecurity.

There could be some narcissism in there, if he was adored and treated specially by his family. To have the personality disorder you'd have to have some really extreme traits, live in your own world, use others as means to make yourself feel better, think that you can do no wrong, that you deserve special treatment, etc.

Answer 2

There is little evidence to support a genetic reason for this behavior but there is considerable to justify environmental causes.

If you raise your children to respect others and teach them your moral values, you can hope (not guarantee) for the best. You only have a limited time to mold their personalities, after that, they are on their own. What you give them will be the basis for their behavior.

Answer 3

Sounds like he is a sexist and it is a double standard. He sounds like a jerk! I would have not put up with that. He's the only one to graduate from high school? That is pathetic for the rest of them, big deal. Well you should be glad you aren't with him anymore.

Answer 4

Just sounds like some very biased opinions that he possibly learned through his family of origin.
In plain english double standards supported by his own thinking.

Answer 5

He sounds like a self-centered, inconsiderate creep. Probably natural for him. Glad you said you used to be married to this person. Wish you were saying I am considering marrying this person instead. Oh well!

Answer 6

my honest opinion is youve had a lucky escape for it sounds like he's got these grand idea's that females are only here for mens domination an wants where there not

Answer 7

Pick one: he has double standards, he's a control freak and/or he's self absorbed.

Answer 8

insecurity and sadism. it's called kettle calling pot black.