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my husband didnt ever want another one and told me to get my tubes tied, but then i wasnt sure but a lot of reflection on my past and present has convinced me that one is more than enough.we both have professional jobs and i do all the house chores alone as well as taking care of our child.i am exhausted each day and we seldom communicate without a fight ensuing, which worries me that my daughter is surounded by a hostile and cold environment, hence i dont ever want another baby to experience this atmosphere.i realise that i need to make this hard decision as my husband is against one child now that i am determined to stop here. what would you do? we have been married 4yrs together for 8yrs, and emotional heart to heart communication without a fight is non existant even though we are seeing a marriage cousellor, it seems like a waste of money and time. what do you think? serious answers only by married pple plse!!!

2007-11-28 09:06:05 · 15 answers · asked by sherie 2 in Family & Relationships Marriage & Divorce

For those who are suggesting vasectomy for him, i am sure i said earlier that he now wants a 2nd baby and really it is a power struggle, it is all bcoz i now am set on getting my tubes tied. wether our marriage ends or works out i have no desire to raise another child.I have also given my best as in initiating loving communiation and wholesome family gateaway &activities but he brushes everything aside stating that he needs to concentrate more on his demanding job day and nights. I even cut down my working hrs to be a better home-maker but i only got redicule from him saying that i am not ambitious and driven!!! i suggested separation but he wont have anything like that saying that he loves me and wont let me go. i see all this as a way to simply keep me under his feet taking away all the self-esteem i have left in me, but i am a strong woman and i believe in the power of prayer as well.what i am asking is wether you think there is any hope for us or wether i am just kidding myself.

2007-11-28 11:36:01 · update #1

15 answers

i wouldnt tie my tubes if i was you, i would look at depo or something similar. If your marriage collapse say down the road you meet another man who you love and he makes you happy, what do you tell him when he looks deep in your eyes and wants you to have his baby?

2007-11-28 09:20:55 · answer #1 · answered by sarah W 4 · 0 0

Then you better look at getting your tubes tied or tell him to go get snipped a vasectomy is an easier procedure and alot safer for the man to get this done. If he is not wanting any more children than I think he should not have a problem with no long term side effects. Just tell him why do I need to get my tubes tied you can get snipped.

Really though I think you really need to find a better therapist because the one your goingto now seems to be useless. I can feel the hatred and stress in your question you guys need to be praying and find God because right now he is the only thing powerful enough to pull yo guys out of this crap.

Stop living a life of greed and start thinking of your baby and her well being if your both professionals. Then maybe it is time for one of you to leave you job for awhile and take care of yourself and your kid really why have someone else raise your child.

You are the only ones that can change the way your raising this child and the way you treat each other bring love and warmth into the house and everyhting else will surely follow.

I'm happy to here that your in counselling but are you in a church?. Having God in your marriage is the most important aspect to a successful bond and relationship without God your doomed.

God Bless and Best Wishes remember good communication=good relationship=better life=better family setting=less stress and more love.

Consider some prayer counselling bringing God into helping repair a marriage is awesome.

Show your daughter that you can love your husband not fight with him all the time.

Say goodbye to anger, pride, and money that is what is holding both of you back from a lifetime of happiness.

Rememebr you cannot love Money and God it is one or the other not both!

2007-11-28 17:35:34 · answer #2 · answered by Livinrawguy 7 · 0 1

I think that you shouldn't base your decision to get your tubes tied on your husbands feelings,that is a major decision, and if you decide you dont' want any it should be your decision ony. And if the reason you get them tied is bc you don't want any more with him then you should think about that too. You never know what the future holds. I here what you are saying on the marriage counselor thing, but let me say this, a pattern takes two people, so you have to change what your doing in the relationship, if you want progress, its not about right or wrong, but its about progress, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over but expecting a different result. SO you have know control over him, and how he communicates, you can only control yourself! so maybe write letters, or refuse to argue, state your fact or feelings and leave it be, don't engage in it. marriage is work,but its not a life sentence. You have to give it YOUR best, and remember the kind of man your husband is, is the kind of man your daughter will seek, its normal to her.

2007-11-28 17:57:18 · answer #3 · answered by Mrs.G-unit 4 · 1 0

i think not having another baby is a good idea. the fighting may come from the fact that at the end of the day both of you are so tired you have nothing nice to say. i would say that you should try and take sometime just the two of you find someone to look after your little girl and spend sometime getting close again. my husband is gone Mon-Fri and on Sundays we don't make plans with anyone other then ourselves to make sure we have a whole day to talk about everything. make time for the two of you and when it is easier for you two to get along start to take your child with you on little g et aways. even if it only to the beach for a day something to get your mind off of the stress from the week.

2007-11-28 17:12:35 · answer #4 · answered by I love my DIRTBIKE! 4 · 1 0

Your views will change once your daughter gets to be around 4. She will be more independent and wish she has a playmate. You won't need to attend to her as much and you will wish for another one. I feel exactly the same way, when I had my first. I vowed never to have another one because it's just too hard. Now look at me. I'm pregnant and my first is 4 years old. She is great! I know it's going to be hard work but seeing her now, I know it will be all worth it. Why don't you get on the pill for two more years before you decide?

2007-11-28 17:23:13 · answer #5 · answered by Jessica C 4 · 1 0

I'm not married but I've been in a couple of long-term relationships. Your situation is a tough one. I went through something similar myself with my son's father and after 8 years of trying we finally called it quits as it was beginning to affect our son. We're now very close friends and do what's best for our son. If your sitiuation is that dismal, then get out. Especially if counseling isn't working either. It will only hurt your daughter in the long run. Good luck, hun. I've been where you are and it's a tough crossroad.

2007-11-28 17:11:06 · answer #6 · answered by Kathy R 5 · 1 0

oh your relationship/ situation sounds alot like mine. I dont want to have another kid with him because we cant talk with out a fight and i hate for my son to be around that it makes me terribly sad. Only different is that you probably still love your husband I want out so bad. I cause most of the fights cuz he doesnt help w/ chores well except vacuum twice a day but I still dont love him. I think if your counseling isnt working then maybe you need to think about trial separation.

2007-11-28 17:16:26 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 1 0

I don't know how old you are - but - you may want to wait. You may change your mind and be sorry later. Why doesn't he get a vasectomy??? The procedure is easier and I do believe it can be reversed. It sounds like you are dead set about having a child with HIM - maybe if you had a more loving partner things would be different.

2007-11-28 17:31:55 · answer #8 · answered by Babycat 5 · 1 0

Here's what I think:

Your marriage appears to be pretty shaky--what if you divorce, and eventually get together with a loving man who desperately wants to have a child with you?
Wait to have your tubes tied until you know what lies ahead in your marriage. That is a hard door to reopen after closing it....give it a few more years.

2007-11-28 17:11:13 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1 0

keep up with the counseling for now, give it time, make sure if you are making love to use protection.
thinks may or may not work out but you can say you gave it your best. I was having trouble and a marriage councilor gave us ten more years,

2007-11-28 17:12:18 · answer #10 · answered by MrsMagee 4 · 1 0

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