How do you deal with the lonliness and unhappiness?

Question

My situation briefly. I moved out of state for a good job (lower cost of living too). Was going to get an apartment and wife would fly out 2 weeks later.

In that 2 weeks she started talking to some 21 year old kid on a video game.... rather than move out she moved 1/2 way across the country to live with him.

Said she never loved me, made up a million excuses to justify her affair, said she would never come back, & that her new boyfriend are her going to be together forever and that he is "the one" and he makes her happier than I ever made....

After 3 years of marriage she just threw it all away. I never saw it coming because she always seemed affectionate, warm, loving and caring, always hugging, kissing and cuddling... even right before I left...

So it all hit me like a freight train.. I havent talked to her in the 2 mos she's been living with him. She refuses any communication/counseling.

I'm extremely depressed & lonely.. I tried counseling, it doesnt help much. What do I do?

Answer 1

write it down, talk to people about it and try and move on. thats all you can do

Answer 2

I am so sorry for what you are going through. I would suggest you finding a support group in your area. Sometimes talking with people who are going through the same thing you are is comforting. I would also suggest you see a doctor for your depression. I have been through a very messy divorce and I wish that I could give you some more meaningful advice to help you out, but all I can tell you is to hang in there. It does get easier over time. Have your family help you and lean on them for support. If you are a religious person, going to a church like the other poster said is a good idea as well...they have really good divorce recovery groups in most churches. Hang in there....I promise you it will get better.

Answer 3

Anyone that would walk out on a marriage for someone she just met - is not worth your time. Looks like you gave her your life and she threw it out. Let her go - even if you do get her back, there is always a chance she will do this b/s again. This is not something you'll ever be able to forget.
Try working out, meet new people in your new place you moved to, and quit trying to chase her. If she made a mistake, she'll come back. But you chasing her and trying to contact her just makes you look like a looser. You are SO much better than that!

Answer 4

First of all, you need to understand that her decision was her decision. I'm sure that you two fought once in awhile, but was it ever really so bad that you think you drove her away? People don't leave for no reason--maybe she just wasn't happy.

I think we all fall into that trap at times. We think that we can nag our significant other and not work on the relationship because marriage shouldn't have to be about work. But you know what? It is about work! So if she was unwilling to work, then I think you're better off finding that out now rather than when you had much more invested in the relationship.

If she's been out of your life for so long, then I think that she might never really come around. But who knows?

Answer 5

You have to grieve, forgive (not forget) and then heal. Break up is the same as any loss. It takes time to heal. Two months isn't a very long time when considering the heart break you've experienced.
Its ok to get back out there and meet someone new, if you think you are ready. That will help with the loneliness. But I wouldn't get out there until you are ready to be over the pain and hurt and start to heal, because you don't want to drag your baggage into a new relationship.

Answer 6

long story short i've been cheated on before and it sucks and it makes you feel like you did something wrong or there is something wrong with you. it's absolutely crazy she'd go with some person across country like that. I wouldn't go do the counseling thing. I mean it looks to me like her heart wasn't in the marriage for quite some time. though it suck, you may just need to move on, i have had depression since i was 8 and it sucks i've taken zoloft and it helps, also while you eat if you write a word like, (refrigerator) make words out of that word like rat or gear. It helps me. So i hope it gets better for you.

Answer 7

First, file for divorce. You cannot afford to have someone legally attached to you who is working against you.

If counseling isn't working talk to your family, friends, or someone you feel comfortable talking to.

Having a spouse leave the marriage is one of the top ten stressors you can have in a single lifetime so what you are going through is not unexpected -- hard as he** to deal with, but dealt with it must be.

It does not seem like it now, but in time things will change. In the meantime, focus on improving your life and feeling better. It might not click in today or tomorrow, but it will eventually get there. One day, you will realise you are ready to date again and find a girl who you love and who loves you back......

With kind regards....Finn.

Answer 8

Sorry to hear that. Keep in mind, however, that therapy and counseling take time; it doesn't happen overnight. Perhaps you can find a support group in your area; talking with people who have experienced similar events can be very powerful and effective.

Try this great article:

Getting Over A Break Up Or Divorce: How To Heal
http://www.hearts-and-kisses.com/relationshipadvice-getting-over-a-breakup.html

Answer 9

Firstly, Remember that these feelings are only temporary. You know, that your wife was the cheater in your relationship, i wouldn't say that you don't have a reason to be depressed because you do, I'm only trying to say that it wasn't your fault, why are you punishing yourself ?. you're letting her win by doing that.When we get involved with people who betray us or lie to us, we need to set up our boundaries.The best way to get out of this situation and start getting into healthy relationships is to take your time now to heal and strenghten your self. I know it seems that going after her or hoping things were different seems tempting, but that is not going to lead you anywhere without internal change first.

try these tips to get rid of depression.
* Set realistic goals and assume a reasonable amount of responsibility.
* Break large tasks into small ones, set some priorities, and do what you can as you can.
* Try to be with other people and to confide in someone; it is usually better than being alone and secretive.
* Participate in activities that may make you feel better.
* Mild exercise, going to a movie, a ballgame, or participating in religious, social, or other activities may help.
* Expect your mood to improve gradually, not immediately. Feeling better takes time.
* It is advisable to postpone important decisions until the depression has lifted. Before deciding to make a significant transition--change jobs, get married or divorced--discuss it with others who know you well and have a more objective view of your situation.
* People rarely "snap out of" a depression. But they can feel a little better day by day.
* Remember, positive thinking will replace the negative thinking that is part of the depression and will disappear as your depression responds to treatment.
* Let friends and family help.

Answer 10

You'll be alright. This is not the end of the world even though it may feel like it. Do the very best you can and you will get through this. It just takes time is all. And never ever tolerate your wife cheating on you. Someday she may want to contact you and will be able to tell her no and really mean it.

Answer 11

I am sorry for what happen to you. I feel your pain. The best thing you can do is stay as busy as you can to keep your mind off of her. Do things you once enjoyed but she didn't like it. Go out with your buddies and start having fun living the single life. She is not worth space in your head if she just gets up and walks out like that. She will eventually do that to this new guy she met as well. Go out have fun.