Anyone Interested In buying Dark Matter Viewing offsets?

Question

Scientists now say that dark matter, which is some sort of fundamental building block of the universe -- there's more dark matter than anything else, but we have no idea what dark matter is. We think it has something to do with, you know, forcing this universe in its expansion but we also think it's the glue that holds it together and it's -- I have no idea. But we've never been able to observe it and so it's been behaving the way it always has. Well, now we've observed dark matter and scientists believe that now that man has observed dark matter, it has selected its course and it's now collapsing in on us and we're all going to die, smothered by dark matter.

Here's why I pass this story on to you. I don't know about you, but I didn't observe dark matter. Did you observe any dark matter lately?

I wasn't in my giant SUV observing dark matter. The scientists were. Don't blame me, scientists. Oh, I've got my little SUV that's going to make the world a little hotter. You're collapsing the universe! Which one of us suck more for nature? I'm only wrecking the planet. You've destroyed the entire universe! Thanks a lot!

Now, here's what I'd like to begin. I would like to offer to scientists dark matter offsets. You write me a check for $1,000 and I will not observe dark matter so you can. I promise I will not observe dark matter. Now, that's $1,000. I will get my family to not observe dark matter for $5,000. That's a yearly thing. These are just dark matter offsets, and every year we have to do it. And we have to reduce the observation of dark matter quickly. We are running out of time, and if we don't reduce our observation of dark matter, the universe will collapse on us.

http://www.sciam.com/physics/article/id/is-dark-matter-theory-or

Answer 1

lol. I've actually read up on dark matter. I'm not buying it. It seems reasonable that most hydrogen and helium in the early universe did not form into stars. It just floated between solar systems and outside of galaxies. Scientists expect to "see" hydrogen clouds, but they don't see them so they assume it's something else.
It's comparable to meteorologists expecting to "see" clouds to explain humidity, but can't see it, so humidity must be something other than water.

Answer 2

All these multiverse ideas lead to a remarkable synthesis between cosmology and physics...But they also lead to the extraordinary consequence that we may not be the deepest reality, we may be a simulation. The possibility that we are creations of some supreme, or super-being, blurs the boundary between physics and idealist philosophy, between the natural and the supernatural, and between the relation of mind and multiverse and the possibility that we're in the matrix rather than the physics itself.

Answer 3

That's the funniest think I've read in a while. Not bad for a retired colonel.

Answer 4

Don't give them any ideas,next thing you know they will add an additional tax on Telescope purchases.

AD

Answer 5

Life as we know it is all carbon based. You might be confusing that with carbon dioxide gas that can create a greenhouse effect on earth.

Answer 6

LOL - Interesting.