How many men out there that have cheated on their Girlfriend/Wife have actually changed and never cheated..?

Question

....again? I have always believed that if a man was that curious or unhappy or whatever the case was to make them cheat and their woman took them back then they EVENTUALLY start to stray again and know that there IS a possible chance that their woman would forgive them again. Even if your girlfriend/wife was the love of your life.


This DID NOT happen to me I am having a debate with my coworker. She believes that men tend to venture out but then regret it and want to come back home. I believe that if they do come back home and their woman forgives them then they're asking for trouble in the future with the start of trust issues.

Answer 1

You're both right. Some men stop cheating. Others continue. There's no simple formula like once a cheater always a cheater. Cheating is a matter of willpower and desire. If one has the desire to not cheat, all they need is willpower. Personally, I have always had the willpower to control myself, but I have lost desire in the past to remain faithful. My level of faithfulness depended on the satisfaction I felt in my relationships. I wanted loyalty, honesty, respect.... typical or common ingredients for any successful relationship. When I lost those things, I also lost my desire to not cheat. I do not regret cheating either. I was in unhappy relationships that needed to end. Luckily they did end. I am in a different relationship now and am about to be married. Been together almost 5 years and have had no desire to cheat. Even if I did have the desire, I would not do it because I have made a serious commitment to remain faithful. If things don't work out, I'll wait until the relationship is over before getting it on with someone else.

But to dive deeper into your actual question, consider this. When someone cheats on their partner, they know they did something wrong. They feel shame whether or not they admit it. So if they are caught or confess or whatever, the truth is known to the partner who was cheated on, the victim. So if forgiveness is granted, the cheater may not forgive him/herself for cheating despite the fact their partner wants to work it out. They still feel guilty and secretly or subconsciously resent their partner for getting past it. The resent turns into a lack of respect, and then they cheat again. Maybe they feel like they do not deserve to be with someone who loves and forgives something so horrible. So they sabatoge the relationship by cheating again. Maybe they feel like their partner is a fool for offering forgiveness, so they turn around and cheat out of spite. Maybe they feel like they can get away with it again since they were let off the hook so easily. So they cheat because they haven't learned their lesson. There's many reasons why someone may cheat again, but it is not inescapable behavior. It can be stopped at any time. It's all a matter of willpower and desire.

Answer 2

Once a cheating dog, always a cheating dog. I believe there are couples that can survive a partner that strays, but I know this may sound biased, butI do not think that most men learn from it if you take them back. I think men are very much into the moment, and if it feels good to them, they will do it. This is not to say women don't cheat. But I think when a women does, she is more likely to have a "reason" behind it, like, she is being mistreated by her mate, or she is being neglected, etc, and she has told the mate about it, but he does nothing. I think men will do it just because they like what they see. He can be perfectly content at home and he will cheat. Again, I don't think this is true of everyone, but for the most part, I believe it.

Answer 3

This guy I know was with his girlfriend for like 5-6 years, had two kids with her, planning on getting married - cheated on her with every woman under the sun practically. She never found out, I don't think. But, the funny part is they are now split and she became a lesbo!! Probably b/c all the time he spent messing around - she got lonely!! Too funny!
I think once a cheater, always a cheater - but each man is different!

Answer 4

The person is addicted to the excitment that cause doing things hiding from their spouses. They have to have a relationship for this excitment to exist, hence, they will do it for as long as they are in a relationship with someone, because is that someone who is a big part of the excitment they find doing things outside, if it wasn't that way, it would be less interested. Sometimes they are prisioners of their own addiction, but it would take some professional work to help them figure out why they do that. The easier solution is: if you don't like a unloyal people, don't be with unloyal people. The person who is with unloyal people also has an addiction to unloyal people, they are like a magnet for that kind of relationship and usually can't leave that easier, reason why, cheaters are being forgiven many times. If the person has self-esteem and is confident, an unloyal person once it does it once, it wont have a second chance, because the other person can't stand that kind of things. So the unloyal has issues because goes out and do things hidding, and the partner of the unloyal person also has her/his issues of why they can't leave him/her. If the person becomes honest and loyal, most likely will end up loosing her/his partner as well if the partner hasn't worked on her/his issues. One complemente the other one, and they make the perfect couple in a way of saying it, otherwise, wouldn't they split if they are uncomfortable as they say?, the answer is yes. You will always hear "my best friend wont leave his boyfriend who is unloyal", of course wont leave him, she likes that, same as there are guys who can't leave or expect the woman to change someday, and that never works. If you don't like unloyal people, you wouldn't be with them and you wouldn't have to deal with that kind of issues, unless you want.

Answer 5

I believe cheating women are just as bad, if not worse. They tend to cheat to get an emotional connection. Anything is possible. I am sure it has happened. Usually people cheat because of relationship problems or lacking a connection, and if forgiven it brings those problems into the open. I think its a coin flip on if someone cheats again, or if they learned their lesson.

Answer 6

I do not have this problem but I would put a percentage on it.

I would say that under 10% percent of cheaters actually stop and never cheat again.

Meaning that the saying is still strong today as it has always has ben once cheater always a cheater a player falls in the same rank.

Answer 7

I had an affair almost five years ago. It was the end of my marriage as it was. My lady and I agreed to stick together and work on creating a new relationship. We have and it's better than it ever was; we're going on 21 years.

Focusing on the affair is why you and your coworker are disagreeing. An affair is just a behavior. It's a variety of temper tantrum. The real problem is the relationship and the two people who are in it. If both people are sane, then both people have a part in the mess that leads to an affair. Most wives don't want to hear that, but it's true. And it isn't about giving him more sex more often; remember that's just a behavior.

If adults can't continue to grow (forever doomed to repeat bad behavior) then there's really no point in anything. I personally don't buy that. I have grown and changed and chosen a new way of living. It doesn't look dramatically different to someone on the outside, but what's going on in my head is *very* different. Growing up is not limited to children; heaven forbid we stop growing...

Answer 8

Actually its truth in what both of you say. It depends on the communication is the relationship and trust. Some men will stray again, (seen that) and some will not (seen that also), so I believe it is the strength of the relationship and the willingness of trying to make it work out.

Answer 9

I was a woman who cheated on her husband. He took me back and I haven't since. That was over 10 years ago. If a woman will do it, I think a man will be able to also.

Answer 10

Yeah, they might want to come back home, but as I've been told, if they are allowed to have the cake and eat it, too, they'll do so. They may want to come back home, but they don't want to STAY since they continue to "venture out". I'm facing the fact that my husband has been in another relationship for just about as long as WE'VE been together. I've concluded that he won't change and I've got to get off of this rollercoaster. It's EFFORTLESS for me to be faithful to my husband, but it seems to be EFFORTLESS for him to cheat.