My husband and I got married young {I was 16 and he was 18}, and were constantly fighting! He is an alcoholic and I would be mean to him cause I HATED the fact that he was always drinking. It just wasn't one beer like he would go overboard!! So about a month ago he told me to leave and I DID! For the first week he was pissed and was drinking more. Now he wants us back, I told no not until he gets help and stays sober....... But until then what should I do? Should I talk to him occasionally or not talk to him at all until he shows me that he wants to change. Like he wants to talk to me every night, I am just confused!! He also like wants to take me to dinner and stuff like that.... I just don't want him to think that he can do whatever he wants and then weekends spend time with his part-time family! I want him to get help but for him not so I can come back. I want him to do it for the "right reasons"..
I recognized my mistakes and I am seeing a therapist, I know it takes two to tango.
2007-11-28 08:17:56 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
This is a duplicate post for you.
http://ca.answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AnTyZyZ1flJqEUmLhmeXOHfBFQx.;_ylv=3?qid=20071128091438AALIqZU&show=7#profile-info-TJhb8wI6aa
Are you going to continue to repost this same question until someone gives you the answer you want to hear?
2007-11-28 08:39:11 · answer #1 · answered by DJ 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It doesn't sound like you're particularly confused. You're in a tight spot; I don't envy you one bit of that. But it sounds like you have an extremely mature grasp of your situation, and have employed reasonable strategies to move yourself forward of where you are now. So, maybe all you really need is the validation of hearing someone else say they recognize what you're doing and admire the choice...I can do that: Talking isn't going to hurt much; in fact, talking to you ought to help him stay focused on what he's trying to achieve....Dinners may be a bit premature; there's a "one-day-at-a-time" factor he needs to get comfortable with and master first. The dinner stage will be a future stage that recognizes work he's yet to do. There's nothing wrong with building a little trust back into the equation as goals get reached, right? So everything you're doing is right on target and definitely in everybody's best interest. It's the one course of action that gives everyone a bona fide shot at success.But it's a position that leaves you protected and vigilant should they stumble at some point during this recovery effort...a reality you have to be aware of while simultaneously hoping for a smooth road for them back to health (well, as smooth as is possible, which means, not very..). From what I can see, everything you can do, you've done. That was a very impressive effort. Nicely done.
2007-11-28 16:44:42 · answer #2 · answered by Captain S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Until he stops drinking for good, then no, don't do anything with him. If he can STAY sober for a year, then yes, patch things up. But this year starts when he actually quits drinking, not when you became separated. If he can stay sober for an entire year, great. I would like to know why in the world your parents allowed for a 16 yr old kid to get married. But what's done is done. You can also talk to other girls about why it's so bad to get married before 25.
2007-11-28 16:39:02 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I went through this for 5 years. We would break up , he would tell me all the things I wanted to hear and bam 1 month later he was drinking again. Until he admits he has a problem he will never get better.
2007-11-28 16:27:59 · answer #4 · answered by Bilinda G 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This is a hard decision. He is your husband and I wouldn't want you to give him any reason to stray. I would probably talk to him but not see him. If you continue to see him you mind as well move back. Make him miss you. If he miss/love enough he will change and get some help. Stick to your guns. If you go back it's only going to get worst.
2007-11-28 16:29:22 · answer #5 · answered by KSR 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
dont have any contact whatsoever with him until he gets help and is sober. by talking to him you are giving him the impression that you are not serious that he has to get sober, he will know that he can worm his way into your affections again...
you really need to leave him alone, change your number.... dont let him get hold of you until he is once again the man you married.
2007-11-28 16:48:21 · answer #6 · answered by *Mrs R* 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
talk 2 him but do not get intimate with him, because it will just go back to square one! let him no that u will be there for him as a friend only, until he cleans his act up! i hate alcoholics 1 beat on my aunt everytime he went out & get drunk... my advice if he is not seeking help, run girl run as fast as u can!
2007-11-28 16:40:12 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have had freinds like this. he will tell you anything you want to hear, to get back, but it ususally will start up again. It will look good for a while, but then you will say to yourself why did I get back in this mess.
2007-11-28 16:22:57 · answer #8 · answered by cfb193 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that you won't talk to him until he makes an effort to get help and try to not be so mean all the time.
2007-11-28 16:23:46 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Time to start fresh. Leave the looser in the dust
2007-11-28 16:36:58 · answer #10 · answered by bhaiyagi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋