My wife has finally confessed to her affair with some Jewish guy...mostlikely a criminal. I want to keep the marriage working, it's hard to imagine her being intimate with another man...scum at that. Need assistance in making this pass as I am in the process of forgiving her and want this to pass...any advise or thoughts on how to move pass this?
2007-11-28 07:45:01 · 10 answers · asked by Get Even Steven 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
She does want to make the marriage work as she told me it was a mistake that she has been living with for some time now.
2007-11-28 07:52:22 · update #1
You need to be able to trust. And she needs to be trustworthy. If that cannot happen, you can never move past it.
You need to get to the root as to why it happened and be ready for some seriously painful conversations. Good luck. I hope she's worth it.
2007-11-28 07:49:15 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
She just confessed so you are still in shock. You have to get your feelings and emotions out and anger and she must be willing to hear all you have to say. You can't 'instantly' heal; it takes much time; some months, some years but you can heal and make a fantastic future together.
Once you trust her again, you will feel much better; but she must earn that trust back. It is your ego hurting right now; how dare she be intimate with some other man; let someone else kiss her, have sex, etc.; that he must be better than you, blah , blah, blah. None of that is true. Infidelity is a selfish act and it has nothing to do with you. Instead of turning to you when she felt this attraction or had needs that required discussion, she ignored you; did not even give you a chance and chose infidelity as the remedy. You had no choice in the matter; it was between her and him; not you.
I wrote in a journal; which helped much and also got advise from a couple of sites; all helped immensely. And, the truth is, it took my husband showing me his love and care and committment that allowed me to trust him again and get over the pain. So, be patient, voice your hurt and pain and look toward each other; not away - look into her eyes and see the love she has for you and the pain she has inside for hurting you more than anyone else in the world could.
Hug and cuddle and get back to the point you both were before this happened or when you first knew you loved each other; it is all still there. Best to you! You will make it.
2007-11-28 19:30:34 · answer #2 · answered by pussycat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with jalwells, run and do it now, get out of the dark tunnel, you are closer to one exit but you aren't taking it, for being afraid of not being able to find someone like her, since your self-esteem has been brought to almost anything if something is left of your self-esteem. Of course she confessed, that's the way they get rid of the guilty feelings. I can't believe you are asking this question things can be so much better outside with a new fresh start, than have to deal with what you are dealing, and with what you will have to deal for the years and time to come.
2007-11-28 16:51:38 · answer #3 · answered by livingthe30s 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I am sorry this has happend to you, but Time is the only thing that can help you get over this, along with maybe some long talks with your wife, maybe she can shed some light on why she did this so that maybe you can understand where things went wrong.. Good Luck
2007-11-28 15:52:50 · answer #4 · answered by tiny 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
So Sorry for you. I know you two will get through this. Everyone deserves a second chance, I take that back, it depends on what it is, but try to work it out, and I know it is hard. Good luck!!!!
2007-11-28 16:03:06 · answer #5 · answered by tilishabingo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lots and lots of counseling.....
But, speaking from experience, you will ALWAYS wonder where she is and what she is doing if she's ever late. That feeling / those thoughts, NEVER go away no matter how much time or how much counseling.
Good luck!
2007-11-28 16:30:28 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dude take it from me. RUN RUN RUN RRRRRRRRRRRRRUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNN, AND HIDE FROM HER. But not life. She is bad for you, I hope you two don't have kids together. Forget all that your emotions are telling you and listen to logic. Leave, get a divorce, and never talk to her again. Don't help her with moving, bills and give her nothing. Empty the bank accounts put it into cash hide it, spend it but live poorly until you r a re divorced. Get out now, don't be a fool.
2007-11-28 16:01:27 · answer #7 · answered by jalwells 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Counseling.
2007-11-28 15:50:57 · answer #8 · answered by Mr. Taco 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does she want to save the marriage? Doesn't sound like it. There's nothing you can do.
2007-11-28 15:50:25 · answer #9 · answered by monicanena 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
She needs to work on being faithful and keeping your trust. You need to work on your anti-semetism.
2007-11-28 16:00:16 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋