HELP!!! IM getting MARRIED!?

Question

ok we r getting married Feb. 22 and my fiancee is makin me so mad!! i just got this job and my partner in the job is a guy ( hes older like 40-45) I'm only 18, my fiancee is mad about having a guy as my partner and he doesnt want me to take the job, but i do need the job...what can i do!? i would never cheat on my fiancee for nobody, .. he says hes trusting me with a lot of stuff but i told him how can we get married if the trust isnt fully there!? he continues to say " WELL I HOPE YOU CHANGE CAUSE WE R GETTIN MARRIED"... Also i plan on going to school to become a EMT/Paramedic and he is like " why dont you go to become a nurse?" ITs like no matter what i want is not good enough for him! Please help!

I feel like whatever i do or say is never good enough or im always wrong! and when i talk to him about it, he gives an attitude!

Answer 1

You probably don't want to hear this but it sounds like marriage with this guy is a really bad idea. He is already trying to control you and what you should do with your life. This will only get worse after you two are married. Its not guesswork. I have seen it happen first hand more than once and i recognize the pattern. He will act like he owns you after you sign the pact. You gotta realize that your future is just as important as his. His insecurities should not hold you back in life because they are just that...HIS insecurities.
Although i believe you should respect eachothers boundries and wishes, this is just taking it too far.

I hope for your own sake you come to your senses. This could potentially become your biggest regret in life. I wish you good luck and remember... don't let your fantasy of a wedding and marriage cloud your common sense

Answer 2

I hate to say this, but you need to call off the marriage. Not necessarily permanently, but you two need some serious couples' counseling before you say "I do" and sign on the dotted line. These issues have to be resolved, and they need to be resolved FIRST. Otherwise you'll both be coughing up the dough for an attorney in a couple of years. I'll tell you one thing, a counselor is a LOT cheaper! Make an appointment. Ask your fiancee to go, and if he refuses, go yourself. Do it at least once, and then decide whether or not the marriage needs to be postponed. It does not mean you can't marry this guy. You just need to work out the kinks before it is too late!

Good luck!

Answer 3

What I'm about to say you won't like. If you get married at 18, you will most likely be divorced by the time you are 25. You'd really be best to put off marriage until 25. Neither of you is ready for marriage. Also, I might suggest breaking up with this one and seeing other guys. Right now this one is soooo controlling and jealous. It will never work out.

P.S. Be sure and tell him if you become a nurse, you'll be working closely with male doctors, male nurses, and male patients, unless you go work in a nursing home, in which case you'll work closely with the higher ups, many of which are male, as well as male nurses.

Answer 4

People don't change because they get married. If he is not happy with who you are now then he won't be after marriage. Why would you want to marry someone who doesnt support what you want to do in life? You are young and are still finding yourself. I would atleast wait a while before marrying this person. You can find someone who completely trust you and respects your career choices. I met my ex when I was 17 and it just got worse. He was always accusing me of cheating and come to find out he was the one cheating. I didnt leave for 10 years and 2 kids. I don't regret my children but think how different things would have been if I had listened to other people and got the hell out of there. I am glad to say I am now with a wonderful man who loves me for who I am. He supports anything I want to do and trust me with his life. I am sure it seems like you will never be happy with out this guy but trust me life does go on. Good luck.

Answer 5

Put the wedding off for another 6 - 12 months to see how things go. If he is treating you like this already, things will only get worse after the marriage, because then he will think that he owns you and will expect you to do everything he wants you to. Just the fact that he is saying that he hopes that you change is very worrying. He sounds like a very selfish person. Could you really live your whole life with someone like that?

Answer 6

To be on a level to even be talking about marriage...you have to trust your partner with everything. Not just some things. If it's not on that level then don't do it. You'll regret it later. Take the time to build it or it will blow up in your face later. If it doesn't end your marriage it will definitely take you thru some difficult times that you shouldn't have to deal with if you have trust already to begin with.

Answer 7

If you feel like no matter what you do, it isn't good enough, then you SHOULDN'T marry him! MY LORD, is that not a big enough sign for you??

He is obviously controlling in more ways than one and yet you continue to go after this "marriage." Interesting. He needs to treat you as an adult (and your so young, not to mention) and TRUST YOU and it's obvious he doesn't. I would dump him, but that's just me.

Answer 8

FIRST OFF YOU ARE TO DARN YOUNG TO BE GETTING HITCHED. YOU HAVEN'T EVEN FINISHED YOUR EDUCATION AND YOUR THINKING OF TYING THE KNOT DO NOT DO THIS. IT ALSO SOUNDS LIKE YOUR BF IS A CONTROLLING JEALOUS PRICK. IF I WAS YOU FINISH YOUR SCHOOLING GET A PART-TIME JOB THAT MAKES YOU HAPPY AND TELL THIS GUY THAT THE WEDDING IS OFF MAYBE IN FIVE YRS IF HE CAN WAIT THAT LONG.

JUST TELL HIM IT IS IMPORTANT FOR YOU TO GROW-UP AND SEE WHAT I WANT OUT OF LIFE AND GETTING MARRIED RIGHT NOW IS NOT SMART OR RESPONSIBLE. IT IS JUST NOT SOMETHING I'M WILLING
TO COMMIT TOO AT THIS TIME AND I NEED MORE TIME TO FIGURE OUT MY LIFE.

TELL HIM IN FIVE YEARS OR WHEN YOUR FINISHED SCHOOL AND IF YOU STILL HAVE THE SAME FEELINGS FOR HIM THEN YOU WILL CONSIDER WALKING DOWN THE AISLE BUT AT THIS TIME EVERYTHING IS OFF.

IT SOUNDS TO ME LIKE THIS FIANCE OF YOURS IS A JERK THAT WANTS A BAREFOOT AND PREGNANT HOUSEWIFE THAT SITS AT HOME WHILE HE CONTROLS YOUR LIFE AND WHAT EVER ELSE YOU DO.

IF I WAS YOU I WOULD TELL HIM IT'S OVER THAT YOUR NOT HAVING ANY MAN IN YOUR LIFE THAT THINKS HE HAS THE RIGHT TO TELL YOU WHAT TO DO. HE SOUNDS LIKE A REDNECK HICK THAT IS LIKE IT'S MY WAY OR I'M GOIN HIT YOU CAN YOU GRAB ME A BEER.

GOD BLESS AND BEST WISHES. PLZ. DO NOT MARRY THIS GUY.

Answer 9

Well, the job and what career you want to go for is not for him...it is for you. You need to take up that job offer and if he can't learn to accept something as silly and little as that, then you two are not ready for marriage. Marriage is about compromising with each other and understanding...learning each others' strengths and weakness as well as showing each other your faults and strengths. If you cannot pass this simple task, then I think you two should be in a looong engagement until you two are ready for marriage.

Answer 10

Hey! i dated my hubby for 5 years before i got married. im 20 yrs old and my hubby is 19 yrs old we got married Feb.03,2007 we are going on to 10 months married. i must say this situation is so similar to mine. i currently work for a very prestige insurance company and am going to school to get licensed. my hubby works in a factory packing vitamins. money is one of the biggest issues, i am very mature for my age and my hubby is the total opposite. thats what i have come to cope with is that i have to have tons and tons of patience. to me it seems as if your fiance some what feels less of a man because by your goals in life he thinks you will be wearing the pants in the relationship. if you throw yourself back from doing the things you want to do knowing that both of you will benifet from this than your just giving him the okay for the rest of your life to control you. you have to make him understand that the decisins you make from here on will always include him and whats best for you, him and your future family. because your young doesnt mean your marriage wont last it just means that you have to give it an extra 100%.