Who's right me, him, or are both of us wrong? Can our marriage survive this?

Question

Recently I left a job to work with my self employed husband. My job was not a very high paying job. I made just enough money to pay my child support each week and pay for the trip to pick up my children every other week. It is a long drive so it cost alot to make these trips. Before I left my job my husband and I had discussed our concerns about working together again. We had done so in the past with less than good results. My husband is the real income earner in our home. We have one child at home. His parents live with us and he supports them as well. He promised me that if I work with him he will make sure my child support gets pd and that we will ave money to make the trip. I promised I would not quit working with him. He does need an assistant and can not afford to hire one. This week I started to make my child support payment online but he told me that we did not have enuff money. I became upset with him & told him that I have to find a job that will pay. We both feel betrayed.

I have to add a little more. I want to make sure I am giving all the story.
I did tell him that I could not work with him any longer because taking care of my children is the most important thing to me. He feels that I betrayed him by quiting and putting the responablity of supporting our household on him. He is upset that paying that support means more to me than helping him with his business. He is mad that an outside job for me will not pay much more than my child support. He feels like I am picking them over our household. In truth if forced to I would. They are my children.
I feel that he let me down on the most important thing in the world. He thinks he has no responiblity in this problem. We have had huge fights for the past 3 days about this. I don't know if I can look at him the same.

There is an addtional factor with his parents that is bothering me. They have been visting his sister for 3 weeks becasue she had a new baby. During that time they called and asked my husband for money to travel with and personal use. He gave them the money about 4 days before this happened. I expressed my concern then and he told me not to worry. His parents did not use the money to travel back home but for something else and this is really getting to me.
I also have to say he did not intend to NOT make the payment it was poor planning on his part.

Answer 1

Personally I think you are both to blame but in very different circumstances. For your husband being self employed, does not a guaranty a monthly income unless you have something people are always in need of. It seems to me that he was hardly making ends meet and could not employ an assistant. On the other hand he could find the money to support his parents who live with you both. He made a promise that he would make sure you C/S would be paid, yet when you go to pay it, he tells you that there is not enough money You both had discussed the concerns about working together, yet in the past this has not worked out, however you left your job that paid the necessary to work with your husband, Personally I think that was your mistake, even though your money was not good, at least you were able to pay the money you had to. I can understand that you both feel betrayed, but you have to do what you think is the best for you, your husband has his parents to look after and you have your children. it's like burning the candle at both ends and getting nothing but smoke in the middle. My suggestion is to find a job that pays to enable you to redeem your own personal expenses and that you will help your husband either in the evenings or weekends. Good luck....David

Answer 2

Lots of things going on here. First of all, as you have found out twice now, working with family usually just doesn't work out and neither does money issues.
I am sure that your husband isn't happy about not being able to pay your child support. I am sure he really hoped to be able to afford everything.
You made your needs very clear and he promised you they would be taken care of, so you have every right to be upset.

So the answer is that both of you have a right to be upset.

Meanwhile, I would suggest that you get a job with a reliable income and that you see if you can help him part time. It is the practical thing to do.

Answer 3

the marriage can survive. tell him that if u r not going to be able to pay the child support then u r going to have to find a part time job to pay that. it is very important that ur other children are taken care of. he has no reason to feel betrayed u held up ur end and he didn't. don't get into a big fight and hold grudges just tell him if he can't pay the child support then u r going to have to find another job. he should understand how important this is to u.

Answer 4

Neither of you is wrong or right it's Murphy's law when you do not expect something to go wrong it will fact of life. Thius is nothing to put your marriage in jeopardy over sh it happens just go with the flow. Oh well the child support payment maybe a few days late it's not like your not going to pay it at all. I think you can't balme anyone for this things come up unexpected costs etc. really give your man a break.

I totally od not think he wanted this to happen thats life it can be a total b itch at times.

Answer 5

If you're working for him, rather than someone else, he should be paying you a salary and deducting it as a business expense.
You have a legal requirement to support your children and are trying to be a responsible parent. Maybe he can't afford to hire someone else, but you did give up your outside income. So, ask when you will have the money to make your payment and what the due dates are. If he doesn't keep his part of the agreement, you don't need to keep working for him.

Answer 6

No one is really in the wrong. It's just the way things are. It would be best if you two could work up a budget to work with. Have your wages garnished, then you won't have to worry about having enough to pay child support.

I am questioning why you went back to working together, when the last experience was bad, but I'm sure it won't happen a third time.

Answer 7

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Answer 8

In my experience it is not a good thing to work with your husband. My ex and I had a business together and it killed us off. I have seen some couples be able to handle it, however most can't...you are already feeling the control and the pressure, a similar thing happened to me. All we ended up doing was fighting. Maybe you could find a partime job, learn to process loans for mortgages from home or something that way you could still help him. Good luck

Answer 9

therapist weighs in:

did he really: "He promised me that if I work with him he will make sure my child support gets pd and that we will ave money to make the trip."

if he did, then it is inexcusable that the $ is not there. call him on it.

now, this in NOT a matter of right wrong other... stop right now with the need for you to always be right. am i correct? you always need to be or the world will crumble?

if he does not have enough money to pay an assistant and you have not worked together well in the past why would you ever consider going to work for this company again. seriously? this is a lose lose lose lose lose prospect.

it sounds like you both walked into this with your heads buried in the sand.

i suggest couples counseling to work on better communication!!!

Answer 10

First off... your marriage can survive anything if you both try. You need to explain to him that the child support is very important and if he needs you to work with him, he has to be able to afford that. If not you need to go back to a full time position or get a part time job on the side to just pay the child support. Talk it out and come to a mutual agreement.