My husband and I have been married for 6 years now, we have three kids. Yesterday he asked me a question about my past lovers. He wanted to know what I had done with them that I haven't done with him and what do I miss. I explained to him, it was a stupid question and did not think about things like that and had been so long. He got really upset and asked why I couldn't just answer the question.
Why would he be bring up and question about my past lovers, when it has been so long ago? What does this mean?
2007-11-28 06:58:47 · 78 answers · asked by lala 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It sounds to me like he just wants to try new things and doesn't know how to ask.
Or, he is worried you are board.
2007-11-28 07:01:31 · answer #1 · answered by Do You Trust Me? 2 · 10⤊ 4⤋
Married 6 years and 3 kids - let me guess - your sex life has taken a backseat to mommihood and family. Hey - it happens.
He's probably bored (or tired of getting shot down), so he's trying to get YOU to think of your past when you were a more sexual being (both with him and with former lovers).
I think the poster that stated he is looking to get you to do something different to spice things up, but doesn't want to ask you to do something you haven't done in the past is probably right.
Its kind of an odd question to ask - but sounds like he's looking for your KINK boundries and also to maybe stoke the fire a bit so he can get you to the kinky areas you once enjoyed.
Why not discuss it with him? Not in terms of "Guy A did this well (or better than you) / etc...."
But in the context of, "one time I tried x and y and I thought x was pretty cool, y I could do without. Maybe you could try x on me sometime as a surprise .......".
You'd probably give the poor ol' man a heart attack !
2007-11-28 07:08:48 · answer #2 · answered by aa889d 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He asked you this to see if there was different sexual escapades you have had and if there is a postion or something else that you had in your past they he could some how replicate to bring some more excitement to the bedroom.
You want to give him an answer just tell him that he is the best lover you have had and that he does more then enough on his own then any other guy has done to you and if he wants to try new stuff with you all he ahs to do is ask go get a book on sex positions and stuff like the secrets of Kama Sutra or the Joy of Sex.
2007-11-28 07:15:10 · answer #3 · answered by Livinrawguy 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He is either trying to find out more what pleases you in bed or he is contemplating an affair. With a question like the one he asked you pacifying him might be the best answer. Tell him your past lovers before he came around were dull compared to him. Tell him that is the reason why I married you! I miss nothing from them but I would miss everything from you if you weren't in my life. Don't you feel the same way to me? Just turn his stupid question into a positive re-affirmation that he loves you very much.
2007-11-28 07:14:28 · answer #4 · answered by bobe 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to reflect on the current status of your relationship with your husband. Reflect on questions like How is your love life? Are things mundane on the bedroom? Communication is key, ask him if maybe he wants to know what he can do to make you happier and the relationship better. Reassure him, the past is the past and it can help you improve now. Try to avoid using the word "you" when addressing him, studies have shown that it can put someone on the defence and not want to open up. Use "I" statements, it will also help you keep your cool. Hope everything works out!
2007-11-28 07:06:41 · answer #5 · answered by emeraldsunflower 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He probably just got into a conversation at work or with a friend about past lovers or even heard/seen something on television that was talking about past relationships. This conversation could've came out of anywhere. It shouldn't really be a big deal. Just tell him that you've done more with him than anyone else and that he's the best you've ever had. Stroke his ego, he'll love it!!!!!!!!!
2007-11-28 07:08:19 · answer #6 · answered by I've Got My Answer 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You are right it is a ridiculous question.
My sister gave me some excellent advice on this; never discuss your past loves, that is your past and it should remain so.
No matter what your answer is your husband will not be happy. If you have had more experience and lovers then he has then he will feel inferior and if you have had less then he will feel that he rushed you into your relationship. He will also hate the fact that you have had other relationships before him. Now he can’t hold this against you because even if you did know him back then, you chose him over the others. The problem is that subconsciously he will hold it against you.
The best thing to say is this: “Honey, it doesn’t matter because you are the one I picked. No matter what I say you won’t be happy, think about it. You really don’t want to know about my past loves and you really don’t want to have to compare yourself to them. Not that you will come up short, but you may feel that you will. All you need to know is that I picked you over them and you are the one that I love. You have to trust me that if there is anything you need to know about my past loves I will tell you. I am trusting you to do the same, and I am not going to ask you about your past, because what is past is past. I am certainly not going to hold it against you that you were in love with someone before you met me, we didn’t know each other so we couldn’t have been in love with each other. We all have had relationships before, but our relationship right now is the one that matters and I don’t want to tell you anything that will compromise it. All you need to know is that no matter how many lovers I had you are the one I chose, and I am the one you chose. Concentrate on that and forget what is the past and can’t be changed. It is gone and the past is dead, lets concentrate on the present and the future; that is what is important.”
My sister got pinned by her husband and made the mistake of telling him, he found out that she was much more popular then he was and it depressed him. She learned from that mistake that the proper answer is to avoid the question entirely.
2007-11-28 07:12:54 · answer #7 · answered by Dan S 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
The reason why he wants to know is becuase, if you have done intimate and sexual things with other men, he'll feel inferior and hurt that his significant other has done those degenerate acts with other men. Emotionally, it's very painful for a man if his SO has done sexual and intimate things with other men. He also has to worry about how he compares in sexual and intimacy skills.
If he hasn't done anything sexual with another girl, he wouldn't be asking you about your past sexual experiences, because it doesn't make sense for a non-virgin man to require a virgin woman.
Just tell him everything. If you don't, you're basing an entire relationship on a huge lie. That is evil. If he's hurt by the truth, apologize to him and move forward from there.
2007-11-28 07:10:45 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
What ever you do don't answer that question. Once it is answered then it will be written in stone forever. I think that your husband needs to be able to express himself a little better. I think that he is looking for a little change in routine but doesn't know how to ask you to do what is on his mind. I would talk to him and reverse this question in a positive way by asking him what are his fantasies. If you have to go away for a weekend or a night, make it a fun one and be open minded and know what you like and don't like. Just because he is having trouble expressing himself doesn't mean you need to be a sex toy. Sex is an important part of your marriage and needs spicing up, every now and then. Communication is the key to this answer.
2007-11-28 07:08:28 · answer #9 · answered by freesample1 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
He's probably getting bored in bed and curious as to if there was anything that you had done in the past that the two of you could do to spice things up.
It is not a stupid question. Complete honesty between partners is essential to a longterm relationship.
2007-11-28 07:15:09 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Could be that he is feeling inadequate in that department. Often having children take a lot out of the intimacy. Maybe ask him what it means to him. Think of some things as an answer and be prepared to share. What can it hurt?
Good luck.
2007-11-28 07:08:01 · answer #11 · answered by renegade4him2 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋