If your husband is constantly texting a 'female friend' all day & everyday, would you be mad?

Question

My husband and I just had our first child 5 months ago and since then, he has been extremely distant. He has been sneaking around texting the girl that did my ultrasounds when I was pregnant! She knew both of us on a 'friend-level' before I was pregnant, but never did we actually contact her outside of the doctor's office. He says their text conversations are innocent and nothing for me to worry about, but what would you need to say at 11:30 pm? He never told me that they talked until I discovered all the text messages on our last cell phone bill. I want to be able to trust him, but it constantly puts the 'what if' idea in my mind. How do I handle this?

The ultrasund tech has moved 3 hours away to work at another dr. office since I delivered. I used to work with her formerly before she became a tech and I considered her a friend as well. Her and my husband are from the same big city and she's a sports fan, so he says that they discuss sports, etc. from that city.

He says he isn't going to stop texting his friend and that I am invading his privacy by checking his phone - which all the messages have been deleted by the time I get a chance to see them.

Answer 1

if he weren't involved with her and not cheating with her, he would have no real reason to have any contact what so ever with her. she is a threat to your marriage and has her hooks in your man. i would find a way to stop it, call her, confront him. if he knows he can get away with it he will continue doing it. its disrespectful to u and probably more than what u know. he is telling u not to worry, so he won't have to be confronted. cheating begins with opportunity, and than a thought, and than our thoughts govern our actions, than after awhile it all becomes habit with him, and what he is doing can and will certainly effect your destiny. so put a stop to it now, hopefully it hasn't yet gone beyond the point of no return.

Answer 2

I am going through the same problem. I found out that my husband has been texting a female and I was not aware of this until I let him use my cellphone. There was a constant number on my phone so I asked him about it but no information was provided to me. He was either texting or calling her everyday. He did say they are just friends but I thought that was bs. I've confronted the female but of course she stated that they are just friends and nothing more. One day, for some strange reason, I opened up his facebook app that was on his phone and that lady's page was logged in. That just meant that she was around him that day and she used his phone to open up her facebook page. Shoot! I read all their messages and it pretty much was not friendly messages, more like friends with benefits messages! I was so upset! Still, I'm still with him and I shouldn't be. I need to leave him but I can't seem to be that strong to do so. We have kids and these problematic issues are so not needed. I just hope and pray to have a better relationship with my husband. Trust is needed!

Answer 3

HUGE RED FLAG!!! There is no reason for your husband to be texting a female friend. I have female "friends" at work, been working here 12 years. I have never text them outside of work, well actually not during work either. Nothing good can come of this. My wife of 22 yrs started innocently texting a married co-worker, they fell in love with each other. I do not think that was my ex-wifes' intetions, I think it just happened faster than she could process what was happening. I'm telling you from experience. nothing good can come from the texting.

Answer 4

You can choose to do two things, check his phone and be open to the possibility that he might be cheating (you can check his phone when he takes a bath). If you do find out that he is then what are your options...? can you fend off for yourself if you divorce. If you really love him and think it was only human error and he won't do it again then do the marriage counseling, if there are more girls that he is talking to then you need to leave him. He can give you a disease that you don't want and worse yet the heart ache that you will experience everytime he cheats.

All guys make mistakes at one point or another but it tales a real man to realize his mistake and care to fix it and never repeat it.

If the text messages are innocent then you have nothing to worry about, if there are no text messages when you check this means he is smart and is probably hiding something.

Answer 5

Yes, I'd be furious. Having a female friend is one thing, but when you're in a relationship, no matter how secure it is, the level of friendship and closeness you have with friends of the opposite sex has to change in respect for your spouse. It's no longer appropriate to send midnight text messages and talk all day, every day. Especially not if it makes you uncomfortable, as it should since he hid the fact they were talking from you.

Sit him down and talk to him, face to face. Tell him that his relationship with this woman makes you uncomfortable and explain how it's ruining the trust that your relationship was founded on. See his reaction.

If he's any type of man, and a good husband and father who wants his family to be happy, the friendship will lessen or disappear. If there's something going on, you'll know from his reaction...he'll get upset and defensive.

Answer 6

you tell him if it is all innocent he can invite her to the house where the 3 of you can talk together and stop the text messaging. You can try to get him into counseling with you to decide whether he is worth staying with but any man who texts another woman without his wife knowing is either cheating on you, even if only in his mind, or is ready to. You might also talk to the doctor about the fact that the girl doing ultra sounds there is acting inappropriately with your husband and whether he has had problems with her before in this manner. She may be doing this with other future fathers as well and he may like to know that. Good Luck to you!!

Answer 7

I'd be more pissed about the secretiveness than the texts themselves. Why be secretive unless there's something going on? I'd ask him to tell me when he texts her and what it's about. Or stop texting her entirely. If she's just a pal, this shouldn't be any problem at all right? If he claims that you're invading his privacy, tell him he lost that privilege when he started lying to you.

You could also invite her over sometime and see if there's any awkwardness between them or signs that they've crossed the line. It sounds to me like he's having an emotional affair, which can lead to sex.

Also, if he's acting distant, that means you guys are having problems that are going unsaid. You need to get at the root of that before he is running into this nice lady's arms. Don't let him tell you there's nothing going on. Let him know how much he means to you and that you don't want to lose him. It could also mean that there are behaviors you need to change too.

Answer 8

He's probably cheating. What does your instinct tell you? I had a friend who texted her so-called 'friend/almost like a brother' just about non-stop everyday. The 'friend' ended up being a lover & her marriage almost ended except for the fact that her husband forgave her. I can't believe there is nothing going on. The ultrasound tech should be reprimanded at work if you do get proof that she is cheating w/ your husband. Your husband is slime for doing this to you & your newborn baby! I think you already 'know' the truth about this relationship! Sorry about your situation.

Answer 9

I would just file for divorce and full custody and get this cheating A sshole out of my life. Really he knows what he is doing is wrong and he is sneaking around you because he knows this. Tell him he stops all communication with this other lady or he can pay child support for the next 20yrs and never see his child again.

He really needs a good kick in the balls and aa good smack
what a jerk! She needs a smack too.

Answer 10

i would have friends mysterious;y call you in the middle of the night, and just say , OH it was a friend,

then on Friday night tell him you need hi to wathc the baby for you so you can go out,

when he asks where say , OH with a friend,

and if he gets annoyed, tell him tough

now, if she keeps texting CALL HER< and say HEY you texted me?

be nice about it no need to be a B

but make sure she knows that your not going anywhere,
and you sure as hell aren't going to let her steal your man,

Also steal his cellphone, and make it get lost forever,

I really don't think that this is an appropriate relationship,

so tell him he needs to cut it out, or hit the road,

and mean business,

Frankly I would tell her to stop, aswell,

M

I wouldn't care what people said, and thats the truth.

Answer 11

This is definitely inappropriate behavior for a married man. If it's not that much of a big deal to him then why won't he stop having contact with her all together. I think that's a fair thing to ask. He should be concentrating on you & the precious baby you have.