Keeping in mind that the separation only took place a few months ago (less than a year) and there are 3 children in the mix.
What is your opinion?
2007-11-28 04:27:29 · 65 answers · asked by JD 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
What makes a person ready?
What about the impact on the kids?
2007-11-28 04:46:57 · update #1
Hahaha - I'm not the one in the middle of a divorce.. (how quick we are to assume!) ;)
2007-11-28 05:01:12 · update #2
It depends on the person. Some people need time to deal with the stress or unresolved issues that occur with a divorce. But if the person feels ready to jump back into the dating pool the same day that the divorce is final, then there is nothing wrong with that either.
It really just depends on the person.
2007-11-28 04:30:29 · answer #1 · answered by Beautiful Soul 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
So many factors involved here that I don't think there is a correct answer. How old are the kids, how long before the separation and divorce was there still a real marriage, is there someone you want to date. I think you also have to ask what is your purpose for dating - companionship, a father figure for the kids, intimacy, etc. I think you will know when it is the right time to date, whether it is next week or a year from now. I had my heart so broken I could barely lift my head off the pillow. I immediately went out and tried to replace my ex. All I got were a lot of first and only bad dates. I then waited a while and got my own house back in order before I ventured out again. This time I had so much fun. I did not meet my true love again but I did meet a lot of interesting people, had some special times and really got out of dating what I set out to do. For me it was adult companionship and conversation away from my kids. Again....you will know when you are ready to date. Not anyone else.
Good luck to you.
2007-11-28 04:35:14 · answer #2 · answered by JaneStClaire 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you went to court to sign the papers, right when you leave the building and you are on the sidewalk you can start your own life and you are free of doing whatever you want, and that goes for both parties involved. There is no need to stop living life, if dating is what you want. The best thing and smartest thing, is to let time to heal, it's a very important process where you will realize a lot about yourself and also will protect you from making the same mistkes, it's an excellent opportunity for very deep reflextion, which comes with pain too, but it's a situation that there is no gain if there is no pain. Then the pain will fade with time and you will be a lot stronger, smarter, and will know how to choose wisely and much better than before, that's the good time to start. About children, they should only be told when someone looks like will stay, otherwise, don't even bother or make their life difficult by having to meet someone and then this person will leave or you will kick them out.
2007-11-28 05:00:44 · answer #3 · answered by livingthe30s 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What I've been told is to go on 10 dates with 10 people when you feel ok with it. Just make them dates, not relationships. After that you have a better idea of what you want and need in a relationship. Also keep in mind that depending on the ages of your children and the situation around the divorce you are might have needs involving your children as well. If they are old enough, be sure to include them in the know, but don't let them meet any of the guys unless you know one will be around a while. GOOD LUCK!
2007-11-28 04:35:25 · answer #4 · answered by ivyheatherclover 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You see there is a difference between you start dating and bringing a guy around your children. You should start dating only when you feel ready. Also since you have already been thru a divorce make sure that you are careful the people you date. You definetely don't want to get involved with people are only out to play women.
Also don't ever bring men to your house not even to introduce them to your kids. You children are very special and you definetely don't want bring men around that are not going to stick to you for long. Also remeber that it's not a good message to your kids if you have different men parading in and out of your life.
Besides the right person will come along wheather you look for him or not!
Good luck..
2007-11-28 04:38:26 · answer #5 · answered by sweetsarah 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When I took my parenting class, which is a requirement for all divorcing couples here in TN, I was told that both parties should wait a year before dating again to give the kids time to get used to their parents being apart without throwing something else new and intimidating at them. I know no one really does this--my ex-husband moved out of my house and into hers. But that's how long people say you SHOULD wait. Just do what feels right, and make sure your kids are ok with it before bringing someone else into their lives.
2007-11-28 04:33:50 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It depends on the person. Sometimes, the *actual* separation happens much later than the *emotional* separation (as in, the person already had a foot out the emotional door.) This person might be more ready for dating than someone who wanted to stay together and was not ready for the separation.
Some people cope with divorce by getting out there, so to speak. Others prefer to keep to themselves for a while. There's no real "should" for dating timelines except when it comes to involving kids in your dating life.
Kids should not be introduced to every date or even every boyfriend or girlfriend - they need stability in their lives and until there is a relationship that is getting serious then neither parent should share their details of their dating lives with the children.
2007-11-28 04:38:53 · answer #7 · answered by Elizabeth 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
After I separated from my wife and went through a nasty divorce everyone kept telling me to wait a year AFTER the divorce to date.
I didn't listen and started dating right away. I thought I was emotionally ready to date. Looking back I was an emotional wreck.
I say date if you are comfortable with it but don't expect to find a relationship until after the divorce has settled down.
2007-11-28 04:34:05 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
AT LEAST a year!! There are kids involved, they shouldn't be shuffled from one man to the next. Take the time to settle your emotions and just enjoy life with the kids. I know for me personally, I wouldn't even WANT to date again after this fiasco!! Maybe after 3/4 of a year, go out on a date here and there, but don't just jump into a new relationship all ready. Not fair to the kids......good luck!
2007-11-28 04:37:25 · answer #9 · answered by wfhlembo 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It really depends on the person and the circumstances of the divorce. If there was a lot of time that the couple were just together for the sake of being together, then then person may be ready to move on faster. The key is to ensure you are happy being on your own and not looking for someone to "complete" you.
Also, take into consideration the kids. You may want to just date casually for a while and ensure that the kids are not included in the scene yet. Too many partners too soon is a bad thing for kids to see. Use your own judgement.
2007-11-28 04:38:30 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋