He has employment that is on-off (mostly OFF for the last five years...) and he always waits til the last minute to do anything around the house. Cleaning out the gutters, fix the garage door, kitchen faucet, etc. I stopped nagging about 10 years ago, which I thought would help... but still items still remain un-done. How do you get someone like this motivated?
2007-11-28 03:35:59 · 20 answers · asked by Anna 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Mixed emotions here: it was 10 yrs since I became a born again Christian; that's when I stopped nagging. Truth be known: been married to him for 25 yrs. When I met & married him, he worked two jobs. Let the part-time one go after we got married. He does provide assistance to his widowed mother, but she has to beg to get him to do things as well. We have two daughters. Yes, I hear the guys' remarks... almost left twice. Guess I thought there might be some other advice that I hadn't tried yet. Thanks in advance.
2007-11-28 11:53:31 · update #1
P.S.: he doesn't drink beer. Or much alcohol for that matter. Neither one of us. Only on special occasions.
2007-11-28 11:56:04 · update #2
It's much easier to find a man who is motivated than to make an unmotivated one care. If you want an orange go get an orange, don't spend all your energy wishing, hoping and yelling at an apple to make it turn into an orange.
2007-11-28 03:39:56 · answer #1 · answered by Jen70 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off tell him no sex until he smartens up gets a job and starts to pull his weight around the house. Secondly follow through with your word. Tell him he must stay employed for a minimum of 6 months for this to mean something to you. Let him you are serious give him a time frame tell him he has a month to find a job and start doing chores around the house or your moving out and filing for divorce. That you are tired with him sitting on his lazy a ss and doing nothing while you are required to do everything else.
Really until you lay your foot down and give him a piece of your mind he will think you don't care what he does. Make him realize that his lounging days are over!
God Bless and Best Wishes.
2007-11-28 03:51:21 · answer #2 · answered by Livinrawguy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Start hiring people to do the things you want done. Men hate it! (Generally) Start small, call a plumber about the kitchen sink and announce to him when the appointment is. I bet he makes you cancel it as he's heading to Home Depot to get the parts. If it works, keep doing it until everything is fixed! Having some "guy" in the house fixing something small is usually an assault on their manhood. Of course he might be happy that you've hired someone to do it. If that's the case, go ahead and get things fixed. Good luck :)
2007-11-28 03:43:22 · answer #3 · answered by oracleofohio 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, I don't agree with the work some and then rest some deal. A man provides for his family, regardless if it's a wife or wife & children. Now a days to have anything both have to work. You will not change him, I hope you know this. He will change only if he wants too. Take out an ad for a handy-man, hopefully you'll get lucky and he favors Johnny Depp!
2007-11-28 03:46:57 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be postive and creative.
Usually people (men more than woman) stop responding to negative responses.
Most likely, your husband feels worse then you do about the job situation. That's how men are built. Built to succeed, accomplish, and overcome. When men don't, their esteem level drops below zero.
Be creative and positive. Make it "worth" doing. Reshift his focus onto the "reward" system. Make it fun and rewarding in ways that "he" likes, not you.
If you can get him into a "groove" he will be on top of things, from the kitchen to the bedroom.
Make it work!
2007-11-28 03:40:52 · answer #5 · answered by splashdesign238 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The question should be "Why are you with a man who won't work and support you nor will he do anything around the house?" What the hell is wrong with you for putting up with this bum?
He doesn't have another damn thing to do so you should have the nicest, cleanest, neatest, house needing NO repairs in your neighborhood!
Now if that statement is not true and your question says it isn't the Why in hell are you still with this guy?
2007-11-28 04:47:08 · answer #6 · answered by mikey_fiveoh 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell him that your not doing anything ie dishes dinner laundry until he is worth it. make enough food for yourself and tell him since he doesnt do anything else then he can do it all himself. lets see how many clean clothes he has after that. make sure he isnt spending all the money either. set up a seperate savings account and put all the money in there that is not being used for bills, gas, food ect. That way he wont be able to McD's everynight for dinner and not be able to go out and have fun until he makes some of his own money
2007-11-28 03:47:18 · answer #7 · answered by Worried wife 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keep the list of things to do in an open and visible area where he can see it every time he passes by. Put also a copy up on the refrigerator door.
2007-11-28 03:54:00 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Motivation comes from within. You can't motivate him to do it. Other than to tell him to get the heck out of the house and mooch off someone else.
2007-11-28 03:41:51 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sorry! it's been 10 years. Just face it, you married a lazy guy.
2007-11-28 04:49:40 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋