May be, she's the love of my life.. but Should I marry at 21? This case is REALLY VERY different.. plz help!!

Question

its been almst 3 yrs into our relation..i hav truly loved her with all my heart and so has she(even more form her side)..bt th main problem is tht her family can b considered as such orthodox tht they wnt her married off asap.. n she is just 20 now,so am I n its obvious her parents r never goin 2 agree 4 an intercast marriage(m a christian n she is a hindu).
"rishteys" r comin n goin frequenty at her home n according 2 her kundli,her best time for marriage is said 2 be between March '08 n feb '09 by when i wouldn't hav even completed my engineerin.i am currently in my 3rd year.once recently whn things got serious at her home i had 2 let my parents know(they knew i loved some1 bt dint kno th situation @ her home).they now denied 4 this relation.my gf has promised me time till 1 1/2 to 2 yrs(being ready 2 handle all situations somehow) so tht i complete my engg. bt then,i'll HAV 2 marry her.my parents wil stil b against me,m sure..wht should i do?? i cn't hurt my parents either.. help!!

Answer 1

If you are in doubt then do not do it. Only get married if you know for certain this is what you want to do. If you love each other then your parents cannot stop you from seeing each other unless they are going to chain you up somewhere. It may be hard if you are both still living with your parents, but you have to remember it's your lives and not theirs and marrying each other will not make matters better. At least wait longer to decide like 7-10 months. Best time for her to marry is between march 08 and feb 09. Not by march 08. Give yourself time to mull it over. Relieve some stress by getting a massage or accupunture, it helps.

Edit: I forgot to mention take some time away also. I believe being in the situation doesn't help. It would behoove you to wait until after you finish school and have a stable job that can support both of you because, chances are her parents may disown her (don't know) and if they do, she may need someone to assist her. If your parents do not approve, and you live with them or in a dorm, she will not be able to live with you. Struggling is not fun.

Answer 2

I'm surprised you are in engineering when you can't even spell.
21 is way to young to marry wait another 3-4yrs this is the most important decision you will make in your life. Remember this is suppose to be for life not to just get out of the family home if you truly see walking down the aisle and sitting on the front porch sipping tea when your 80 and old and grey with her then go for it. Really your just finishing college and not even working yet how do you see yourself paying for anything and caring for a wife and possibly a child if that was to happen.

Explain to her parenst that you love their daughter very much
but at this time with no job and finishing school you have not maoney to properly care for a wife at this time but maybe in a couple of years when you have a career paying job and no what you want in life.

Answer 3

NO NO NO!!!!!! Do not get married at 21. Listen to the voice of experience. Get out and live a little first, travel, maybe even see other people. Give it some time. If there is really love there, it will still be there in a few years. ow about a long engagement. I got married at 19. There is so much I wis I had done first.
There is a saying "marry in haste , repent in leisure" I hope you think this through and try not to let your emotions rule you. Use your head. Don't get married because you "have" to. Its unfair to you, your gairl and any kids you may have.

Answer 4

You've gotta explain to her parents you think it best to wait until you graduate and can get a position to be able to support her. The differences in religion and culture can be overcome when good sense is offered, no matter how they feel about it. The promise of marriage soon after graduation and getting work should be satisfactory, eventhough they want it done now. You must explain that's just not how it works in this country since you two are from different cultures. Sounds to me like you two are living together already and the parents don't like that aspect of it without the knot being tied.

Answer 5

There seems to be a combination of things going on here. First you are more drawn to her because of the urgency of your situation and the possibility of having her taken away from you....this makes you more fixated on her than you normally would be....you are young and probably wouldn't be considering marriage unless someone was threatening to marry her off to someone else....if you are to marry this girl, her family will either disown her or make your lives miserable...your parents will scorn you....not that you need your parents to live, it's just that you are still young and I think it is the rare 20 year old who is able to break all ties with parents and live a life comfortably. I think you would be wise to step back from this relationship for at least a week and give your self time to think...the holiday time may be best because you will be off from school....think about the kind of life that you would like for yourself, what things are important to you, what do you need to do to get there and is it a possibility to do it with her. I am sorry that you are going through this and I wish you the best in life regardless of your decision.

Answer 6

Anyone who comes to answers wanting to know of they should get married-should not. If you knew, you wouldn't be here, and if you are unsure, you should not. It's too important to have someone else decide that for you. You already know that you don't want to-so don't. A relationship with that big a cultural difference is very hard to make work anyway. When you marry into a family-it's best if anyone is on the same page. If not, they can make your life miserable, and tear you apart.

Answer 7

y is everyone in such a rush 2 ruin their lives...ur not ready 4 marriage, even though ur an adult, if her parents want her married then they should allow u 2 , 2make that decision on ur own...both ur parents need 2 realize that u r both adults that can make ur own decisions, follow ur own heart...if u want 2 marry then do so, but if u don't , don't let any1 pressure into doing what u don't want 2 do cuz in the end u will have resentment and will lose...good luck

Answer 8

Think twice before you marry her. You are still too young and you haven't see the whole world yet. A lot of people who married young always regret later in life. Just take time and wait until you get stable job and she get stable job. If you guys do really love each other, it doesn't matter how long it pass by you still can get married. Good luck

Answer 9

This is a very very ..... very difficult situation. If do not complete engineering and a find a suitable job it hard to marry. And then if you marry both parents are against this.
As per me if the girl is getting married in good house you have to agree to it. But after getting a job if then also she is still unmarried you can think at that time.

Answer 10

look I'm 22 and my husband is 24 we were together 3 yr before we got married and will be married for 2 yrs in Feb. i love him more than ever and we have a great relationship regardless of my parent or his.... he really doesn't get along great with my side and i really don't get along with his ( for good reason) anyway loving each other is truly all you know. if you and you gf get along and have hobbies that you both can enjoy meaning you like the same stuff then do it! oh yeah and just to show you that you don't have to wait tell you "financially stable".. at 22 and 24 we just bout our first home with everything we wanted... and just before that we lived in a 1 bedroom trailer lol!! i said all that so you would know that loving God and trusting him and your heart is all you need i hope i could help you with you desition and knowing that marriage is a great thing. good luck and i hope everything works out or yall!