Helping my paramedic husband cope with the loss of a patient.?

Question

It was a fatal car wreck that left a man trapped under his truck. This is the first major mva he has had to work.

I don't want to say the wrong thing. Are there any quotes or words of wisdom I can say to him?

Answer 1

ive been there and done that and still go through it.. there is not much i have found to help me cope.. but usually after a few days i get over it, but it is the type of person i am.. i always feel that i could have done more, even though i know i could not.. it is natural to feel this way.. honestly, there is probably nothing you can say to make him feel better, because i know when people tell me i done all i could, i do not believe them, even though it is true... basically the best you can do is be there for him, listen to him... just remind him of the people he does help.. even if i was in his situation, i probably wouldnt listen to what others said to me.. i would probably say, "if i was a little stronger i could have picked the truck up, if i would have arrived sooner, maybe he would have lived" i just cant believe that this is the first major mva he has worked since he is a medic.. i got my first major mva when i just got my first responder license... but the best you can do is be there for him and make him realize that he is not god and he cannot save everyone...

Answer 2

*Sigh*....no...not really. Regrettably this is his profession and sad to say there will be more horrors to come. Like having to deal with a child in similar circumstances.
Its no comfort I know but these things happen and the first responders are the ones who see the ugly side of life. believe it or not as time goes along one has a tendency to become jaded after awhile. In my 24 years in my field I have had only 2 incidents that have stuck in my mind that i found tragic enough to literally bring me to tears. Not sobbing, fall apart, breakdown tears but feeling lousy because circumstances were beyond my control.
I've dealt with car wrecks, murders, drownings, child murders and pretty much every type of crime under the sun. You aren't human if you don't feel something but your professionalism must take a front seat and feelings to the back if you want to do your job the right way.
He can't save everyone. Of that I'm sure he knows. I'd suggest say nothing. Because nothing can be said. Just be there for him and offer some solace. As a spouse whose supportive its the best elixir for him.

Answer 3

It's obvious your husband has great compassion for people and what happens to them. I think that is awesome. Just encourage him and be there for him and comfort him. There is not so much you can say really. This will make him stronger in his job.

I know how he feels in some point. I am taking care of a Cancer patient who is a woman I grew up with. She has 3 brain operations and going through chemo and radiation. She has gone through Care givers who don't care so I took over. She stuggles everyday and knowing that she won't live much longer is harder than you think. Watching a person suffer is the most heart breaking thing. All we can so is be supportive and be there for the person.

Answer 4

As a dispatcher, I can tell you , that he will "learn" to distance himself from those he is helping. And that's not a bad thing, it's just a "survival" technique. It doesn't mean he will become "insensitive" to personal things ( emergencies,etc..) He will just learn not to "take all the pain in his heart". He is doing a heroic job, and sadly, it comes with a few heartaches. There will always be those "few" that he'll "never forget", but over all, he will learn to do his best and move on to the next person in need of help. Please talk to him Daily about his day(job) as he'll need to unload, and even though, he'll form a bond w/ his co-workers, you don't want him ot feel like the only time he can talk about Work is AT work !! Good Luck!!

Answer 5

Your husband needs to realize that "free will" plays an important part in whether or not someone lives or dies. The Divine or Higher Power makes sure that this is strictly followed. Your husband, I'm sure did every thing in his power to help this man, but it ultimately comes down to the man and his free will. Your husband simply cannot blame himself for something that is not in his hands. He did his job, now he has to let go of the end result! Always!

Answer 6

Just be there for him. It's hard to know the right thing to say in a time like that. If he gets really down, you can remind him of what a difference he is making in helping those that he can. When I first started as a nurse, I had some really rough days, but it does get easier as time goes on.

Answer 7

I'm sure your husband did every thing he could to save him,but even if that person didn't live he did help him in alot of ways,that person didn't die alone,he had a very good hearted man there doing every thing he could to save him.reassure him that he has the best job in the world,and he helps people every day,some times there's nothing any1 can do,it was the mans time to leave this world,who knows maybe he was a good person and is in abetter place now,the world isn't the best place,it's full of sadness.
so he did help him by being there with him at his last moments.I'm sure it meant alot to him.
wish u the best...

Answer 8

I am sure your husband feels very upset being that this was his first MVA that resulted in the patient dying....Anyone who works in this line of work has to keep their emotions in check or it will affect their job.....Just be there for him so he can talk out his feelings....

Answer 9

If you guys are religious, tell him, "you know, it was God's will, every thing that happens is because He wants it happen that way. We don't know why, we can only trust and have faith". If you guys are not religious, then say "you know, it was probably the most comforting thing that you are one of the last people this man saw before he died. That he was not alone. That someone cared and tried to help him."

Answer 10

OK this stuff is hard. in my business you here bout solider killed in fire, or solider killed in bombing, or an aircraft fell out of the sky killing 12 soldiers. so now you can guess what i do. the thing is you dont take a job like that and expect not to see or hear about that kind of stuff. just talk to him and if he dont want to talk, let it go. he will be involved in more accidents and after awhile it wont phase him anymore as inhuman as that may sound its true.