Forgiveness: How do we let go of grudges and bitterness?

Question

Please answer any of the questions that you want to answer.

What is forgiveness?

Doesn't forgiving someone mean you're forgetting or condoning what happened?

What are the benefits of forgiving someone?

Why do we hold grudges and become resentful and unforgiving?

How do I know it's time to try to embrace forgiveness?

How do I reach a state of forgiveness?

What happens if I can't forgive someone?

Does forgiveness guarantee reconciliation?

What if I have to interact with the person who hurt me but I don't want to?

How do I know when I've truly forgiven someone?

What if the person I'm forgiving doesn't change?

What if I'm the one who needs forgiveness?

Forgiveness: How to let go of grudges and bitterness
When someone you care about hurts you, you can hold on to anger, resentment and thoughts of revenge or embrace forgiveness and move forward.

Link to MayoClinic if you are interested.

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/forgiveness/MH00131

Answer 1

Someone hurt me deeply for many years. After I left him, I went over and over in my mind the things he had said and done, becoming angrier each time. It was such an awful feeling; it made me incredibly miserable, but I was doing it to myself. What had happened was over and done with; "rehearsing" it in my mind certainly didn't change anything. I joined a Bible study and we talked about forgiveness a lot. I started thinking of how God forgives us, and how He had blessed me in so many ways; it suddenly seemed very wrong to me that I was holding on to all that hatred and bitterness. It wasn't hurting my ex in any way, it was just poisoning me and keeping me from being the kind of person I wanted to be. I prayed a prayer of forgiveness that a friend had given me, and it was truly amazing at how I suddenly felt all the anger drain out of me, and I was at peace. I got on with my life and have never had those feelings again.

Answer 2

Forgiveness means releasing the other person from the anger and hatred and blame that you feel for a perceived wrong.
Forgiving them does NOT mean you are letting them off the hook for their behavior. It only means you are no longer going to dwell on it and let it ruin your life. Depending on the circumstances and the offense, you may want to eliminate the person from your life, after you forgive them. Forgiveness doesn't mean you forget about what they did and then be stupid and allow it again. Forgive them, but don't forget it. And it does not mean you condone the behavior. Learn from it and move on to a better friend, spouse, etc.
The benefits of forgiveness are for you.... peace, tranquility. Usually the other person has no clue if he's been forgiven or not and the offense is not affecting their life at all. Forgiveness is for YOUR benefit.
We hold grudges out of anger. Another reason to forgive. It will kill you to live with that anger.
The time to embrace forgiveness is as soon as possible after you have grieved over the situation.
Reach a state of forgiveness by realising that you have been forgiven, by God's grace, so how can you, and who are you, to withhold forgiveness. How can you expect forgiveness if you are not willing to give it.
No, forgiveness does not guarantee reconciliation. In fact, in some cases, you want the exact opposite. Forgive them, but why put yourself back into the situation where it can happen again. Do not accept abuse just because you forgave the person.
If you must interact with the person, say, on the job, be polite but distant. If it's a serious enough offense, look for another job. If it's an acquaintance, end the relationship if you are uncomfortable around them. If it's a family member, try to avoid situations where they will be if reconciliation is not possible.
Forgiveness doesn't mean the person will change, and it's not your problem to change them. You only need to forgive them.
If you are the one needing forgiveness, go to the person and humbly ask them to forgive you. Tell them how sorry you are and that you truly regret it and ask for forgiveness. If they do not give it, then your obligations are over.

Answer 3

Forgiveness is letting go of the pain and accepting what has happened, because it will not change.
Forgiveness is dismissing the blame. Choices were made that caused the hurt; we each could have chosen differently, but we didn't.
Forgiveness is looking at the pain, learning the lessons it has produced, and understanding what we have learned.
Forgiveness allows us to move on toward a better understanding of universal love and our true purpose.
Forgiveness is knowing that love is the answer to all questions, and that we all are in some way connected.
Forgiveness is starting over with the knowledge that we have gained. It is saying:
"I forgive you, and I forgive myself. I hope you can do the same."

Answer 4

Sometimes I don't think it's possible for some of us to forgive, no matter how hard we try, or want to.

And sometimes, the need to, just evaporates, inexplicably.

In our society, I feel that the need to forgive, is quite often over-exaggerated.

There is nothing wrong with a good healthy feeling of anger response, if a person feels that it is genuinely justified.

I find that the best way to approach a social problem that illicit a feeling of anger, is to try and refocus the mind on a productive endeavor of some kind.

And some acts, are not forgivable; and a person should not feel guilty or immature for not wanting to be forgiving.

Just move on with life, hoping for and expecting a positive stroke; and quite often, this is what will happen.

Good luck,

Wotan

Answer 5

Forgiving to me does not mean forgetting, nor that your condoning anything. There have been events in my life that I will never forgive, that will be something God will have to work out with whom ever. However, do I have to give safe harbor to feelings of anger or resentment, no. This is not a healthy state to be in, it will truly make you ill from the inside out! Be at peace with yourself that you have done the best you could with the given situation... what more can one do?

Answer 6

Heres the deal: Sometimes a person may not feel like forgiving someone else, but even if they dont feel it in their hearts, they need to go up to the person who has wronged them and tell them they forvige them and they love them. this heals the wound, trust me.
Eventually, because you took that extra step and forgave the person, you will be surprised at how quickly you really begin to love them and forgive them, even in your heart of hearts.
The bible says to forgive people, or you yourself will not be forgiven when you get to heaven, and who wants that?
the truth is, the bible is the truth and what it says to do always works and never lets you down.

Answer 7

Ah yes, the Mayo Clinic! Talk about reverse psychology. This one takes that cake. Why are you so concerned over being forgiven? Did you do something wrong to someone? I never fall for guilt trips & neither should you. I put Mayo on my sandwiches. I'm never going into the jar to get it out. I like to squeeze it & watch it drip on my bread. Ho-hum. Won't you forgive me for trying things my way? I've already been to the Land of Tomorrow & we're all for givin' & takin'!

Answer 8

I can forgive things that have been done, but will not subject myself to the hurt that came out of it to happen again. I do not turn my back on anyone that has caused me deep hurt, because I have lost all trust in them. You can love someone without trusting them, but you can not trust someone once you have been deeply effected by it.

Answer 9

I'm sorry but there are several people that I can't ever forgive,One of them I treated like a son, and would have given my life for him.
I still think of him all the time, and speak to his wife and kids,But when I see him I don't see him.
What he did to me was very wrong and unnecessary.
Sticks and stones can break you bones and words can kill you

Answer 10

Forgiveness is a "decision" made from the heart...because of "love" ...now, i know that God still hates sin...and when we are caught in the middle of something..it seems hard for us to do this..and we have to have "reasons" now, you look at how messed up this had made you...and the effects it has had on you...the "power" it has over you...this is what someone elses sin-effecting "you" has accomplished-against you...so, forgiveness on your part would "break" their power over you..to give you back your "peace" in God...and allow them to go their own way...(like washing your hands of it) in love...and walking away from it...so it no longer has this bad influence over you to effect you no longer...do you understand? "Peace!"