Need Advice?

Question

I am married with two kids. I have come to a point in my life where I feel that i am miserable with my wife. When i try to be intimate she seems to push me away and i cant take it anymore. When i go to kiss her she turns away and gives me a forehead to kiss. When, and if we ever make love, she seems like it is a chore and doesnt give any feeling to it. She just lies there. We seem to fight all the time and i think it is affecting the kids and me. The thing is I seem to want a divorce but cant man up to the challenge of making it happen. I am sick and tired of getting no affection from her, and no matter how much i bring it up she still wont show it it is like she is miserable too. I guess what i am asking is for some outside advice please help.

Answer 1

I have gotten divorced before. It isn't easy to walk away. What I have learned from my current husband is that being friends and laughter go a long way. When we are having stressful times in our relationship, we always together learn to play together again. We have a situation in our lives that neither of us can do anything about directly, he has an ex wife that won't leave us alone and it causes strain on both of us, indirectly we find the root of the personal part of the problem, discuss it, find what in ourselves needs to change to give us harmony together. This works along with laughter. Your wife sounds like she is harboring some resentments, find out what they are, because obviously they are serious enough to drive a wedge in between the both of you. Take what she says seriously, if you need to vent about it, come here and do it don't to it to her....because it is important to her. I have given many Oscar winning performances stating my undying devotion to my husband....he feels completely loved when I do this, and you know what he is. If all else fails, then get a divorce....being divorced with children is a very hard thing to do. I am divorced with a child and my husband is divorced with three. You are never truly free from your ex when you have kids.......and they can cause many, many problems. Think about it......I wish you the best.

Answer 2

You have a sad story.
If you love your wife then divorce is not an option, on the other hand if you don't love her then any suggestion presented to you will be useless except divorce.
If you want to gain her affection you need to get to work. You need to evaluate what you are doing for her. If you are stuck in a meaningless routine then you need to break it. Start thinking on how you can do things together like dinners outings weekend retreats and including vacations. You need to bring some hope and rejuvenation in your marriage. Your wife probably feels trapped in your marriage as being the maid and nothing else. In her mind this is not what she signed into and that is why she is giving you the cold shoulder. If this is the case and is not corrected you might loose her.

Answer 3

Have you ever planned a really romantic day instead of just coming at her? She may be exhausted taking care of you and the kids and just doesn't have it in her. Try doing sweet things for her and not expect sex. She will appreciate it and the sexy feeling will come back. Fill the tub for her some Saturday morning and take the kids out for the day. You have to set the scene, not just grope and jump on her. Put the work in and you will be surprised at the results you will get.

Answer 4

She is probably exhausted taking care of two kids. Make time to spend with just each other to rekindle the flame. Hire a babysitter and surprise her with a nice romantic dinner out or even just go to a movie. Sounds like you both need to reconnect as adults and if you spend alone time together outside of the house she may be more responsive in the bedroom.

Answer 5

She should see a doctor. Perhaps she is depressed, and this could affect her sex drive, and her mood.

That is not saying, that perhaps you are not someone she is attracted to anymore. Maybe she is as disenchanted with you, as you are with her.

Divorce sounds like fun now, but is an expensive thing. And it isn't so easy to just find someone else, who will be overjoyed to have you roll over towards her in bed. A divorced guy with kids and child support and some ex-wife-- that isn't a "catch", if you know what I mean.

Answer 6

Couples counseling with an accredited psychological social worker. If not together, at least you should go. You need to work out your emotions and you need help making some very tough decisions with your marriage. You might learn some things you had no clue were happening in your relationship. You might learn some things about yourself that you did not have a clue about before.
Good Luck!

Answer 7

Well, aside from making one more attempt with her to get her to see a marriage counselor with you, I would advise you to put yourself out of your misery and initiate divorce. You're going to have to do some research first---see a lawyer and put all your cards on the table so you understand the financial hit you've got coming. Your kids will always be your kids, and you shouldn't stay in a marriage without love.

Answer 8

Have you asked her what her problem is? She might be so fed up with an aspect of your behavior that she is pushing away so that you will CHANGE not divorce her. If she has no good reason for her attitude except that she is a negative and unaffectionate person, then man up and divorce her. No one needs to be ignored and treated like that, thats not a marriage. That would be torture.

Answer 9

That is a tough situation. You have 3 choices.

1. Stay and try to work it out for the kids sake.
2. Stay and cheat.
3. Get divorced and try to stay as positive as possible.

Too bad our parents never told us how bad marriage sucks!!!

Answer 10

You either talk to her (if you still love each other), or give your money to a "therapist" (where you both would be attending) or simply as that, get a "lawyer" and divorce her. If "love" is not there anyomore between the two of you, what's the point ?