So at the wkend, my bf was out on a wrk thing n it was more convenient 2 stay @ a female work friends house, (she's married n her husband also lives wih her) I felt really uncomfortable with this, and my bf said I should trust him more, I think he's right and I was defo in the wrong! any thoughts??
2007-11-28 01:32:21 · 16 answers · asked by flowerbomb 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No you're not being completely irrational—you’re simply reacting out of fear.
Even though your reaction is understandable, such behavior is destructive to your relationships. Combat your fears with facts. I’ll show you how to do that with your current situation…
You know that your boyfriend has to work during the weekend, and for whatever reason he decides it’s more convenient for him to stay at a female co-worker’s house. Immediately you feel uncomfortable with this. Get a piece of paper and make yourself go through this exercise…
SITUATION: My boyfriend is staying at a female co-worker’s house.
WHAT I’M FEELING: Uncomfortable.
WHY: It bothers me that he’s spending so much time with her.
WHY: I’m worried that they’re getting too close.
WHY: I’m afraid that he’s going to cheat on me.
WHY: He’s my boyfriend and I don’t want to lose him.
Keep asking yourself WHY to every answer until you get to the root of what you’re really feeling. There… you have successfully acknowledged all of your feelings. Your brain needs to do this BEFORE you can begin to respond to the situation rationally. Now you can begin to look at the facts:
He stayed with his co-worker and her husband—he wasn’t with her by himself.
Is your boyfriend a trustworthy person? Yes or no.
Has he ever lied or been unfaithful to you? Yes or no.
I can’t stress enough how important it is for you to acknowledge your feelings—a certain part of your brain is triggered by fearful and hurtful situations, and it sort of ‘revs’ your body up into a ‘fight or flight’ mode. The exercise of acknowledging your feelings satisfies that part of your brain—allowing you to respond to situations more rationally.
So far you have acknowledged your feelings and you have looked at the facts. Now you must choose to operate on the facts, and to take things at face value. If your boyfriend hasn’t given you any reason to not trust him—then trust him. If he hasn’t lied to you—then believe him. The cold hard reality is that you cannot prevent someone from cheating on you. If your boyfriend really wants to cheat on you—he’ll do it. This skill that I’ve shown you will help you keep your sanity in all of your relationships for the rest of your life. As you get better at it, you won’t need to go through the formality of writing it all out—you’ll be able to do it quickly and mentally.
Good luck.
2007-11-28 05:57:24 · answer #1 · answered by mt75689 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say that it would only be a problem if her husband wasn't there. A man that I work with used to stay at our house once a week because he lives so far away. He's friends with my husband as well but it wasn't a big deal. Honestly, we barely saw him. He would come in and go to bed and then get up and leave for work. We have a guest room that just sits empty most of the time so I actually liked having someone using that room.
Don't make a big deal out of nothing.
2007-11-28 01:42:11 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
trust is very important in a relationship if he has never gave you reason not to trust him then give him a chance but also guys will say "oh her husband will be there too." just to ease ur mind to not think anything is going on. and even if her husband is there does not mean anything he might not be there all the time and maybe they are freaky and get down with the 3 way. just keep everything in mind and call and check on him without him knowing you are checking up on him, ya know what i mean?
2007-11-28 04:40:26 · answer #3 · answered by Kelly P 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well a relationship can't work without trust. If he has given you no reason to doubt him, you really shouldn't. Was the husband of the female co worker home? If he was, then you really should have no reason to worry. Maybe to ease your doubts, you should suggest the four of you go out to dinner sometime.
2007-11-28 01:38:03 · answer #4 · answered by Kathy M 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Only that worry, jealousy, and irrationality are never healthy for the soul. Putting a chain on him is not going to help you keep him. He loves you, so trust him. If this relationship falls apart it would not have been savable by being irrational, jealous and worried.
2007-11-28 01:40:31 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't blame you for feeling uneasy..I would too. Has he ever done anything to make you not trust him? Does he seem to close to this female co-worker? If you answered yes to either of those than I would be owrried. If not don't let it bother you too much but be sure to keep your eyes and ears open.
2007-11-28 01:51:45 · answer #6 · answered by GirlNextDoor 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Chill, life is too short to be jealous when you have a good man. With the husband there what did you think was going to happen???
2007-11-28 01:54:48 · answer #7 · answered by kitkat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that he has no business staying at the females home over night. You don't know what the situation is that house. Maybe they have an open marriage and he is involved with them.
2007-11-28 01:41:17 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Has he every done anything in the past to make you question his behavior?
You are entitled to your "feelings". Just stop complaining and whining to him.
You either need to move forward from this or leave. Stop the drama!
2007-11-28 01:40:09 · answer #9 · answered by Tadpoler 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why not trust him....he told you where he was and she is married with her husband there so relax and don't look for problems where there are none.
2007-11-28 01:40:24 · answer #10 · answered by Bears Mom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋