Is it normal to be jealous after miscarriage?

Question

I miscarried in july and october. I have a lot of friends who are ttc and are currently pregnant. I love checking up on them because they are my friends but deep down it hurts me because i long for a baby. I am so bitter towards other pregnant women. It's like they are happy and not that im not happy for them but at the same time i get so upset because i cant seem to stay pregnant. It's so hard on me. I mean im not nearly as depressed as i was but it still hurts and i still get majorly jealous of women who are ttc and or pregnant. Is this normal?

Answer 1

Yes, the feelings you are having are normal. Having a miscarriage is a very devastating thing to a woman, especially if she has had trouble conceiving.

I wish there were an easy answer, but there is not. Time will help, but it will never take the pain away. If you feel that your mood is influencing you to a great degree, or is intolerable, you should see about getting some counciling to help with the grief.

I am very sorry for your loss and wish you the best. Hope in some small way, I have helped.

Answer 2

of COURSE it is! You poor thing having suffered two miscarriages in such a short space of time. I think everyone would feel the same as you do (they just possibly wouldnt ADMIT to it of course!). I am sure you are also happy for your friends and also sure they would know it must be hard for you. I had an ectopic pregnancy many years ago and was sure I would be infertile after that and was paranoid about dying during the surgery and felt really upset and annoyed at being placed in the maternity ward prior to my surgery as I was pregnant but didnt need to be in the labour ward. Fortunately after my suyrgery they moved me to gynae so that was better. I had my son after that - quite a few years later but I was only 24 the first time around and not quite ready for children at the time but that didnt stop me from feeling upset and jealous when I saw people looking delirously happy with their babies. But I eventually got over it, and then at 30 I had my son. Plenty of women in my mothers groups had miscarriages prior to giving birth and as devastating as it is it does seem to be quite common. Try to be happy that you are able to get pregnant so at least you know you are fertile (probably doesnt sound much to be grateful for after the awful losses you have suffered) but it IS positive though. Perhaps you can talk to your gynae/obstetrician about when you do next become pregnant getting a stitch put in your cervix - sometimes this can be very successful when someone has several miscarriages.

Anyway I really wish you well, and anyone that says that they wouldnt be a bit jealous of people having babies when facing such sad times is lying I'm sure! Good luck and I am sure your friends must understand how tough it is for you to hear their good news.

Answer 3

I had a miscarriage at nine.five weeks that was once final month. My fine pal from top university and I had been pregnant even as. I am nonetheless simply as pleased for her now as I was once whilst I first learned she was once, which was once earlier than I learned I was once. I consider that I am an exception. I needed to pass to a child bathe the week after I miscarried, and my 2 cousins had been having toddlers. One was once now a million month ancient the opposite one the bathe was once for. That was once rough, due to the fact that they had been all asking me whilst I was once getting pregnant, and advised me that if I wish all the ones cool child offers then I simply needed to get pregnant. That harm just a little however I saved a grin, and had a rather quality time. I wager the way in which I keep optimistic is understanding that it was once for a intent, and that my time will come and I can have a healthful child. Usually the miscarriage occurs whilst there's anything incorrect with the genetic make-up of the embryo, and in the event you did have the child it might no longer be capable to outlive. So in my brain, I realize that subsequent time shall be one-of-a-kind, and in the interim, you need to be pleased for the ones females who're as excited as you as soon as had been. I'm very sorry to your loss. Time heals all wounds.

Answer 4

Totally normal! After I lost my last baby, I couldn't stand to be near anyone who was pregnant. It wasn't that I wasn't happy for them, or that I hated them, but it hurt me too badly to be anywhere around them. I couldn't stand the sight of them. After about a year, this feeling started to ease up, but it still bothered me. I'd see someone who was pregnant and I'd think "why can't that be me? What am I doing so wrong?"

It will happen again for you. You will get to have your baby. It just might take a little time. It took my husband and I two years to finally get pregnant again. By best suggestion to you would be to try what I did. Go to a doctor who also is a fertility expert. They were able to find out that not only was my thyroid out of whack, but that I was barely ovulating due to it. After they got my thyroid back to normal and stabilized, they then found that I ovulated differently than most women. I apparently am fertile at the very end of my cycle rather than two weeks after like most people. So the times we were trying were at the tail end of my fertile days rather than at the beginning of them. Once we knew that, the very next month, we found out that I was pregnant again, and now are just weeks away from having a baby girl.

So please, don't give up. There is always hope. There is an answer and a solution for you. You might just need the right doctor to help you find it.

Answer 5

First let me say I am very sorry you lost your baby. That is a devastating blow for anyone.

Yes of course it is normal to be jealous of others when they have their babies. You waited and hoped for your baby. So your feelings are perfectly normal. And please also understand that the other new moms are joyful in having their babies and may not be able to understand your feelings entirely just becaise they are very wrapped up in their parenting processes.

Try to share their joy by being around them and their babies.
I know it's hard, but you will learn from that. Follow your heart in healing.

Then await you next baby, be it biologic or adopted, and know that if you want a child, you will have one. BTW The new baby will never "replace" the baby you lost, but you will find that great joy can be yours again after some time.

Meanwhile, please go to thecompassionatefriends.org and click on Online Support Community and share your grief with others who have lost their babies. So many wonderful people who understand are there waiting to help you through this.

God bless you.



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Answer 6

of course it's normal to be jealous. I know how you feel. You probably aren't smoking, drinking, or over working during your pregnancies, but you still can't keep the baby. Am I right? It seems so unfair and you feel useless. But this may not be the time, or you could have a serious medical condition. You could try having your eggs harvested and grow your child in someone else. My friend did that and now she had 2 beautiful 11 year-old twins who biologically belong to her and her husband. But keep trying before you resort to such a drstic measure. Also think of the needy children from other countries who need to be adopted. Hang in there. ;)

Answer 7

I hope it's normal, because I feel the same way. Just recently found out that the baby we thought was 11 weeks had passed away at 8 weeks, 4 days. Meanwhile, one good friend just had her baby in Sept, another in Oct., one friend is due in Feb, another is due 2 weeks prior to when I was due, also my nephew is due to be born in Dec. Everyone around me has babies, or will soon!!! It's not fair, and I feel exactly the same as you- I'm happy for them, but jealous and hurt.

Answer 8

It is perfectly normal!! I am so sorry to hear that it has been such a disappointment for you as well as the loss and having an emotional side to it as well. Someday it will happen. Perhaps God has other plans for you and you aren't ready for it yet. Don't give up hope though. If it doesn't work out naturally, consider adoption. There are plenty of children to love in this world.

Answer 9

Very normal.
I personally had horrible jealousy and depression issues for about six months after having my miscarriage last December. I saw a counselor for a few weeks, but it didn't help much.
If you're still wanting a baby, wait a few more months and try again!
After my miscarriage my doctor told me to wait around six months before trying again, but I know of women who have conceived and carried pregnancies to term just 2-3 months after having a miscarriage.

Answer 10

i lost my second baby at nearly 5 months gestation...it wasn't a miscarriage, i had to be induced to deliver the fetus. i was so upset, that was 17 years ago. i couldn't stand to be around pregnant women. everyone told me..."oh well, at least you have another child" (i had a 4 year old at the time)...it really didn't make things easier. i couldn't even look at pregnant women. it seemed like everyone was pregnant at that time, my neighbors, family members, strangers...that's all i ever saw...PREGNANT WOMEN! i went on to have two more healthy children but i never forgot losing that baby. i would say, yes it's very normal to feel the way you do. take care of yourself. you lost two babies in a very short time span, maybe this was too hard on your body. my heart goes out to you.